


Succeed

by samoosifer



Series: Try/Aim/Succeed [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-10 00:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 44
Words: 56,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samoosifer/pseuds/samoosifer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You need to have read Try and Aim before reading this if you want to understand it. This is the third and final part to my terrible trilogy:</p><p>After losing his Mum so soon after getting her back, Frank becomes obsessed with taking down Cole and avenging his mother. He is so consumed with grief and rage that its all he can think about. He risks the lives of the ones he loves and it doesnt hit him until its too late. Will he finally put an end to this ridiculous war? What will happen if he does?</p><p>Succeed is more about the success the guys go through and less about the actual fighting. In this story, I put Frank and Gerard's relationship to the test.</p><p>I've got absolutely no idea if any of that makes sense its pissing me off i think it sounds dumb fuck.</p><p>DISCLAIMER: I don't own any band members, dead or alive, mentioned in this fic. Any other characters are mine so please don't steal and pls dnt sue</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Coming Home

"I'm not quite sure what to say about Linda... Everyone here knows what sort of woman she was. How strong she was... Loving and caring... She always put other people first... I uh... Eh em. Sorry. I owe Linda Iero my life. She always said she owed me hers, but no. Its me that owes her. Because of her, I stopped caring what other people thought of me. Because of her, I was able to get through my depression easier. Because of her... I met the love of my life. Her son,"Gerard looked down at Mum's coffin,"So Linda? Thanks. A lot. I owe you one... Linda, you made the world so much better. Its going to be so hard moving on but I think with you watching over us, it might make things easier."

Gerard cleared his throat, wiped his face on his sleeve and got down from the podium. He came back and stood next to me in the front row. I squeezed past him and went up to the podium myself. I cleared my throat and looked out at everyone. On the side I was sitting on sat the people I knew. On the other side was a whole heap of people I had never met before.

"I uh... My Mum... She uh,"I tried clearing my throat again, doing my best to get rid of the golf ball in my throat,"My mum. She is- was amazing. No. Is. She is amazing. She may be gone but she is still alive in our hearts and she is still a person. She is amazing. When she told me what she went through... I just- I just wanted to give her a fucking medal or something. I hardly doubt a medal would have sufficed but hey, it was the first thing that popped into my head,"I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly.

I pulled at my tie and looked down at the closed coffin,"It seems like only yesterday I was finding out I had been transferred to the school my Mum worked at. It took me a little while to come round to the fact that after 16 years of no parents at all, I suddenly had one, willing to love me,"I blinked the tears out of my eyes, swiping at the ones tickling my neck,"You made me realise that- even though... There is bad in this world, good comes out of it. All you have to do is look for the silver lining. The silver lining of you leaving me, was me meeting Gerard. And- and the guys and Brendon and Ryan and Sarah... You gave me my first home,"I cried, wiping my eyes furiously,"It seems like only yesterday that I got a mother. And- and now you're- g-gone. Why'd you go Mum? Why did you leave us? Why did you go where I cant follow?"I sobbed, gripping the podium to help me stand.

"Frankie sweetie, its okay,"Gerard was suddenly gripping my arms, holding me up like he always does. I grabbed at him, pushing my face into his chest to cry. His arms slid around me and held me tight. No doubt he was mouthing a sorry to the people. I let go of him and turned back to them all,"I'm sorry. Uh I think I'm done now."

Gerard carefully led me down the steps. We started heading towards our seats but I stopped and turned around. I walked over to her coffin and carefully opened the lid. Despite the burns and cuts on her face, she looked beautiful. Her long black hair was flowing over her shoulders and she looked like a ghost in her white dress against the red satin lining the coffin. I stood on my tiptoes and gently kissed her. I turned around at someone tugging on my jacket.

"Can I kiss her goodnight?"Claire sniffed.  
"Of course sweetie,"I gave her a watery smile and picked her up. Claire gasped as she caught sight of Mum.  
"She looks so beautiful,"She whispered as she reached down and stroked her hair.  
"Doesnt she?"  
"Yeah... I wish I had her hair,"Claire sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I know baby. Come on, give her a kiss goodnight so we can take her to the cemetery,"I sniffed. I moved Claire closer so she could kiss Mum before putting her back down next to Gerard. Lily came over and whispered something to Mum before kissing her and shutting the coffin lid.

A song Mum apparently loved started playing and Mikey, Pete, Gerard, Lily, Nana Kat and I all carefully picked up her coffin. Claire walked silently next to me, holding my pants tightly. My shirt collar was soaked with tears and I knew it was going to have black and red stains from my make up.

We reached outside and made our way over to where she was going to be buried. I zoned out, staring across the misty field next to the cemetery through blurry eyes as the church guy started saying all this crap. It didnt mean anything to me. Mum wasnt religious so I wasnt sure why we were doing all this but Nana Kat had said it was best.

My eyes slowly travelled to the gates and I stiffened.

"Frank? You need to sprinkle the dirt,"Gerard whispered in my ear and pulled my eyes away from the gates. I nodded and grabbed a handful of dirt. The coffin started lowering into the hole and my crying ratcheted up.

"G-Goodbye Mum. I love you,"I cried and sprinkled the dirt over the top of her coffin. I moved away so someone else could do the same and let the tears fall down. Movement at the edge of the cemetery made me look up.

"Whats he doing here...?"I asked quietly. As my eyes cleared, so did the grief. In its place came the anger,"What is he doing here?!"I shrieked suddenly.  
"Frank! Calm down! Who?"Gerard came to my side and looked to where Malcolm was walking over from the path.  
"Relax. I'm just here to say goodbye. Dont I have rights?"He growled.

"No. You fucking dont,"I spat. Before I could register what I was doing, I suddenly found my gun in my hands and a ringing in my ears as Malcolm fell to the ground. The sound of shouting and screaming filled my ears a second later.

"Jesus christ Frank!"Someone shouted. My vision slanted as I took a step closer to Malcolm. I had hit his neck. Blood was pouring from his wound and from his mouth as he struggled to breathe his last breath.  
"You lost your rights when you beat my Mum,"I snarled and shot again in the head. My vision kept slanting and the floor came rushing up to meet me.


	2. Runnin'

"Get off of me!"I shouted, yanking my arms out of Gerard's grip. I couldnt figure out how I had gone from shooting Malcolm and fainting, to fighting Gerard off of me. Everything was such a blur.  
"Frank we need to get out of here. People are calling the cops,"He grabbed at me again but I stepped out of his reach.  
"Dont you think I fucking know that?!"I screeched and went back over to the coffin,"Mum. I'm sorry for ruining your funeral."  
"Frank come on!"Gerard shouted as the sound of sirens reached my ears.

"Goodbye Mum. Be happy that I shot the bastard,"I sighed and turned around. Most of the people had run away now. Some of them were running to meet the police though. And the guys were nowhere in sight. I slowly turned, unsure of what to do, when I saw Gerard looking at me from around the corner of the church. I took off towards him, tucking my gun into my pants and hiding it with my suit jacket.

When I rounded the corner I found Gerard standing at a door back into the church. I glanced over my shoulder to see cops making their way over to Malcolm's body. I rushed over and went inside the church to see the guys looking scared at pissed off. I ignored their looks as had a look through a window. The cops were moving round the side of the church, about to come in and find us.

"Come on. We need to go,"I muttered and opened the front doors of the church. We all carefully snuck out and took one minute before running as fast as we could to my car. A minute later we were driving away, the guys squished in the back, me on Gerard's lap in the front and Bob driving.

"Frank what the fuck were you thinking?"Ray spat suddenly.  
"Excuse me?"I looked around the edge of the chair at Ray squished up against the window looking pissed off.  
"You just ruined your Mums fucking funeral you dick. Its just a good fucking thing your Nana wanted her buried in fucking Washington. If we were in Jersey the whole fucking operation would have been ruined because every cop would be looking for you,"He glared at me.

"Well I'm sorry if I wasnt thinking straight because I had just said goodbye to my fucking Mum you fuckwit,"I snarled back at him. I could feel how tense Gerard was beneath me I looked to Mikey who looked fucked off as well. Same as Pete.

"I would have thought you would have the smarts to not pull a fucking gun out when there are a bunch of people there we dont know!"He shot back.  
"I wasnt fucking thinking okay?! Jesus christ can we just leave it for a moment?!"  
"Call your Nana. We need her to get us flights back to Jersey before we have everyone looking out for us,"He sighed.  
That I couldnt argue with. I pulled my phone out and called her,"Nana, hi. Its Frank."

"Frankie you stupid stupid boy,"She said straight away.  
I cleared my throat,"Yeah I know. It was a stupid thing to do. I've already at this talk. Uh are you able to get us flights back to Jersey?"  
"No can do. The cops have already seen pictures of you guys from some of the other guests. I dont know how though. You're gonna have to drive there. I can get your clothes and stuff there to meet you though. Just give me an address."  
"Right okay uh- 21 Elliston Crescent. You know the rest,"I muttered.  
"Alrighty. You boys be safe you hear me? I buried my daughter today. I dont want to bury anyone else anytime soon,"  
"Yeah we will. You'll look after Claire and Lily right?"I sniffed, feeling more tears come on.  
"Of course I will. Dont be stupid."  
"Okay good uh thank you. I'll talk to you later. Bye Nana,"I hiccupped and ended the call,"We have to drive to Jersey."

"For fucks sake!"Pete shouted.  
"I'm sorry okay?!"I sobbed, wiping the tears away furiously.  
"Sorry doesnt change the fact that you've got everyone looking for us,"Mikey sighed.  
"You guys lets all just leave it. What Frank did was wrong but us arguing over it isnt going to change anything so can we all just forget it for now? We've got a long drive ahead of us and right now, I have a killer headache so if you wouldnt mind shutting the fuck up?"Gerard spoke up suddenly. No one said anything after that. Not until it was getting dark and we were in a different state completely.

"Who votes we get some take aways and hole up in a motel?"Bob yawned. We all muttered an agreement so Bob turned left and brought us to McDonalds. Ten minutes later we were all getting out of the car to go into a shabby looking motel. Gerard and I had one room. Pete and Mikey had one room and Bob and Ray had one room.

"How are you feeling?"Gerard asked quietly as we sat on either side of the bed, pulling our shoes off.  
"Shitty,"I sighed and went to the small table where our food was sitting. Gerard grunted in reply and joined me at the table. We ate in silence, moody, tired and grieving. As I ate, I watched Gerard slowly chew every bite, staring at the ground. There was a storm raging in his eyes. And then it hit me.

"What about you? How are you doing? I may have lost my Mum but you still lost good friend. I've been so consumed with grief I havent even stopped to check to see if you're okay. I'm sorry."  
"Its okay dont worry about it. I did the same sort of thing when my Mum died. I shut away all my feelings and looked after Mikey... I guess thats why my depression got so bad afterwards. Cause I had bottled it all up,"Gerard sighed thoughtfully.

"Well dont bottle it up this time. Talk to me,"I grabbed his hand resting on the table and squeezed.  
He looked up at me and smiled,"I'm doing okay... Having a hard time trying to be there for you and try to deal with my feelings at the same time is all."  
"Gerard I can handle my feelings. If you need to take a time out to take care of yourself you can. The fact that you're ignoring your feelings to take care of me is almost enough to make me feel better all together."  
"Yeah but you-"  
"I'm fine, Gerard. Honestly. You make it easier... Boy that sounds cheesy as shit,"I snorted suddenly.

Gerard smiled at me sweetly,"My god I am tired."  
"Same. Bed?"I raised an eyebrow at him as I gathered up the rubbish.  
"Definitely."


	3. The Traitorous Bitch

Days passed as we drove across the country. They were pretty uneventful. Nothing was on the news about us. The only thing bothering me was the fact that no matter how many times I tried, I couldnt get Nana Kat to answer my calls. Whenever I called Lily it just went straight to voicemail. Something in the back of my head was telling me there was a bad reason but I did my best to ignore it.

When we finally arrived, I tried calling Lily's phone from a payphone.  
"Hello?"It was Nana Kat. Why was she answering Lily's phone?  
"I- What the hell is going on? Why havent you been answering my calls? And why are you answering Lily's phone?"I spluttered out.  
"Frank! Goodness. What number are you calling from?"She asked, ignoring my questions.  
"I'm at a payphone. Now answer my questions. What the heck is happening?"

"Frank, I'm sorry but I want Lily and Claire to stay away from you. Lily understands why you had to go of course, so I told her not to expect you to come back. But Claire, I wasn't sure what to do with her. I mean, she saw you shoot that bastard. She asked me if it was one of the men trying to kill you so I said yes and she seemed to accept that. I told her that you went back to kill the people that killed Mummy and tomorrow I'm going to tell them both that you were shot and didnt make it."

I couldnt believe the words coming out of her mouth. I was so shocked that I didnt know what to say.

"I'm sorry Frank. You're a lovely boy, you really are. I'm proud to call you my grandson. Jesus, if your grandfather could see you now he would be there with you. But after losing my daughter and seeing the look on Claire's face when you shot Malcolm, I realised that they need to have a proper childhood. With family. If you stay in their lives you're only going to put them in danger. Goodbye Frank. I'll tell them you called to say you love them."

My mouth was hanging open with no noise coming out. Very slowly I came to my senses and hung the phone up. I turned around to see Gerard pacing the sidewalk impatiently. I stepped out of the phonebox and somehow managed to walk over to him.  
"Frank are you okay?"  
"I- I- I-"And then the rage set in,"She cant fucking do that! I am their fucking family! How fucking dare she! Oh my fucking god! And I cant even stop her cause I'm across the country and she has Lily's phone! What the fuck?!"

"Frank what the hell happened?!"Gerard grabbed me and made me look at him. When I told him he just stared at me. Neither of us could figure out what to do. As we drove to the bean it actually hit me what it meant.  
"Claire's gonna think I'm dead tomorrow... Lily's going to think I'm dead... They- if I dont get to see them for a long time... I cant just waltz back into their lives... They're gonna grieve me and- and move on..."I whispered.  
"Frank, do you think they're gonna just sit there and take it? No. If they get told that you're dead, they're gonna want to come to a funeral. When Nanna Kat refuses, Lily will figure it out. And if not then we'll send her a letter. Dont worry okay? She wont get away with it,"Gerard took one hand off the wheel and gave my leg an affectionate squeeze.

Two minutes later we were walking inside to a very weird atmosphere. It was thick with anger and nerves and fear.  
"Whats going on?"I asked, clocking everyone's grim faces.  
"Cole's demanded that we meet him for battle,"Mikey said.  
"What?"

"He said, and I quote,'I was watching that Troy movie and was inspired by the battle and how they went out to meet him. I want you guys to meet me. I'm getting tired of this and I want to fight you guys. If you dont, I'll give the word to have the bombs planted around town to go off.' He's gone completely nuts,"Ray groaned.  
"Right well... What did you guys say?"Gerard asked as we sat down.  
"We said we had to wait til you guys got here. By the way, did you contact them?"Ray looked at me.

"Yeah uh Nana Kat is telling them I'm dead tomorrow and wants me out of their lives so... Thats another small problem I'm gonna deal with... Traitorous bitch,"I sighed. It was then that I noticed there was someone new at the table,"You're- Dylan right?"  
"Yes."  
"Oh my god! How- what- dude!"I shouted.  
"Because it seemed me and Dewees were the only ones interested in rescuing him, we grabbed some weapons and went to get him. Cole let him go before we even got close. We found him wandering around the forest looking nearly dead two days ago,"Di glared at me,"And before you go bombarding him with questions, no. He doesnt know where the entrance his. They kept him blindfolded the whole time."

"I'm glad you're back,"I smiled at him. He looked up at me finally, smirked at me then got up and went to the bathroom.  
"He resents you for not trying to rescure him sooner,"Di sighed, watching him go,"And so do I."  
"Di I-"  
"I dont care what you have to say. I'm done with this,"She threw her hands up in the air and went out back into the store room.  
"So are we meeting Cole?"Pete asked.  
I took in a deep breath,"Yes."


	4. Is This What It Feels Like?

Gerard's POV

As I stood in the background and watched, I realised something was different about Frank. His eyes lacked the usual spark. If he smiled at someone, it was only for a second and it never reached his eyes. As soon as he looked away, his face would go back to this sad determined boy. He seemed hell bent on making sure we had the better position. Seeing as Cole hadnt stated where to meet him, Frank had said that we would choose. And he was desperate to be in the winning position. It scared me how different he was. It was as if all he was thinking about was killing Cole. Even though it had only been almost two weeks since Linda had died, I'd have expected his bloodlust to die down a bit but it just seems to be strengthening.

"Gerard why are you looking at me like that?"Frank asked suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
"Just thinking what an amazing boyfriend I have,"I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. He smiled at me, and this time his eyes had that glint as well, but when he looked down his face dropped about a mile and returned to that desperate for revenge face. I brushed my hair out of my face and walked over to see what they were doing.

"What about outside here?"Mikey suggested,"I mean they think the place is affiliated with gangs that havent shown their face in a while. People stay away from here so there arent going to be any innocents in the way either."  
I watched as they discussed this even more before an idea popped into my head,"What about the forest?"

Everyone looked up at me so I ploughed on,"We know he is somewhere in there. Why dont we surround the place and draw them out. Its definitely underground so we could get people digging and everything. Why bother telling Cole we agree. Why not just turn up on his doorstep?"  
I watched Frank turn the idea over in his head. I saw the exact moment he agreed. The spark of anger grew even larger as he stood up and smiled at me,"I love you Gerard."  
"Love you too Pumpkin."

-time lapse-

"Does Frank seem different to you?"Mikey asked casually as we loaded guns. We were sitting in the dining room of Pete's house. His parents had gone away again for god knows what reason. But it meant that we could use the house so we weren't complaining.  
"How do you mean?"  
"Like- I dunno... Not like Frank..."  
"Like he's lost that bubble of happiness?"I suggested.  
"Yeah..."  
"I think it popped when he shot Malcolm,"I sighed.  
"What popped when I shot Malcolm?"Frank walked into the room suddenly, giving me the fright of my life.  
"My ears. Ever since then they've felt like they're blocked and its pissing me off,"I mumbled and wiggled my finger in my ear to further solidify my lie.

"Hmm. Thats weird. So anyway, I'm thinking we need explosives,"Frank completely disregarded my 'bad ear' proving that he was way too focused on getting Cole. There was a huge part of me worried about what would happen once he did.  
"How are we gonna get explosives? She's not answering your calls is she?"I muttered and continued my work.  
"Let me handle that side. But what do you guys think?"  
"I dunno,"Mikey stopped what he was doing and looked up at Frank,"Wont it attract too much attention?"  
"Cole's got them. Why cant we?"

"Yeah but Cole has been planning this for years. And I think he only set them up as a precaution. You know, for leverage. Like getting us to meet him,"I spoke up. Frank jerked his eyes to me like I had just killed his puppy.  
"Yeah but-"  
"Frank. I think you need to take a step back for a day. You're getting way too far ahead of yourself,"I stood up and went to hug him but he took a step back.  
"How can you say that?"He took another step back,"I've already organised for us to get some explosives so you're just gonna have to deal with it."  
"Frank you need to-"

"Dont tell me what I need to do Gerard. Just dont. I need to do this. I have to kill Cole,"He closed his eyes, his fists clenching at his sides. I glanced at Mikey who looked way too focused on loading a shotgun than a normal person would. I grabbed Frank by the arm and dragged him into the next room.

He went to move away but I grabbed his other arm and held him in place,"Frank. Listen to me. You need to take a breather. I know, you want to kill Cole. I do too. We all do. But you cant rush into this. You cant just organise for us to have explosives without talking to anyone else. It puts us all in danger because we dont know anything about them."

"I need to get him Gerard. Do you not understand that? I need to do this for Mum,"He whispered.  
"Do you wanna know something?"  
"What?"Frank sighed grumpily.  
"Dean shooting himself did not make me feel better about my Mum's death. Okay? Yeah, I was glad that the bastard was dead but it didnt bring my Mum back. She's still dead."  
"So you're saying that I shouldnt be going after Cole?"Frank glared at me, shoving my hands away from him.

"No. Thats not what I'm saying at all. What I'm trying to tell you is that no matter how much you miss her, killing Cole wont make you feel better about her death."  
"So you are saying I shouldnt-"  
"No! Frank, you're not listening to me! You're blinded by your hatred and grief. If killing Cole isnt going to make you stop missing her, then you dont need to rush it! Racing in to try and get him will get you killed. Okay? Why cant you see that?"I sighed. I watched him process it before giving up entirely and going back to Mikey.


	5. Promise Is A Strong Word

Frank's POV

I stared after Gerard, feeling terrible for not listening properly. As soon as I killed Cole everything would go back to normal. I wasnt dumb, I knew I wasnt paying much attention to anything else besides killing Cole, but that would all be over soon. And then it would go back to normal again. Gerard would see that. He had to.

My phone jolted me out of my thoughts with its anooyingly shrill ringtone. I picked it up and looked at the caller i.d. Unknown.  
"Hello?"I breathed, half hoping it was Cole, half hoping it was my so called Nana.  
"Jesus. You sound desperate to hear from someone. Is Gerard doing okay? Are you doing okay? I would hate to not see you tomorrow,"Cole sniggered.  
"Cole,"I sighed. Apparently I had only wanted to hear from Nana Kat.

"Who else would it be? Ooh! I know! You want your Nana to call! Well tough. I've made sure she cant contact you anymore."  
"You mean you- why would you do that?"I spluttered.  
"I have my reasons Frank. Now, I'm more than happy for you guys to meet me in the forrest. But if I were you I wouldnt weigh yourself down with shovels."

I felt myself go cold, all feelings except anger left me. The anger grew and grew, filling my whole body up before bursting out in the shape of words,"Who the fuck?! Call me in an hour dick,"I hung up and marched out to see Gerard and Mikey looking at me confused.  
"Cole just called. He knows we're planning on sneaking up on him in the forrest and he told me not to bring shovels. How the fuck does he know?!"  
"It had to be someone that was in the room with us when I said it,"Gerard stood up and pulled his phone out,"I'll call a meeting for everyone who was there."  
"Thank you,"I fumed and started pacing about, trying to squeeze the rage out. But it wouldnt go. It just kept bubbling about inside of me. Within half an hour everyone was either sitting or standing around the couch and I was glaring at them all, telling them about the phone call.

"Whoever you are, if you come out now, I wont kill you,"I carefully watched them all. Everyone was silent, looking at everyone else,"Wait a minute. Someone's missing... Who's not here?"  
"Dylan,"Dewees mumbled.  
"Dylan- fuck. Fuck shit fuck!"I smacked my hand against my head,"How could I have been so stupid?!"I smacked it again for being so stupid,"I'm gonna kill him."

-time lapse-

"Frankie wait,"Gerard called behind me,"Frank will you please just wait?!"He shouted. I ignored him and kept looking for my keys.  
"Where the fuck are they?"I muttered. I stopped moving and stared around the room. Gerard and I both clocked them on the kitchen counter at the same time. We glanced at each other, preparing for the race to get them first.  
"Gerard-"  
"No!"He shouted and lunged for them, grabbing them and leaving me to swipe at nothing.  
"Gerard give me the keys,"I demanded, staring him in the eye,"Give them to me now."  
"Just listen to me first will you?"He pleaded. I shook my head so he put the keys down his pants.

"You think I'm not afraid to go down there?"I raised an eyebrow.  
"Of course not,"He winked at me. I couldnt help but smile.  
"Alright then. Talk,"I sighed and jumped up to sit on the bench.  
"You remember what I said about not thinking? And getting yourself and others killed because of it? Well this is what I was talking about,"He said as he pulled my keys out of his pants and sat them on the bench next to me.  
"I understand that Gerard but-"I started to say, my eyes darting over to the keys.  
"No buts. You cant just go waltzing in by yourself. You'll get shot before you even get inside!"  
"Yes and I understand that Gerard but for one, I'm not going to be waltzing in. I'm going to be sneaking in. There is a difference,"I pointed out. Why was he not getting this?

"You dont even know if you're right though. They could have just seen us coming and hidden outside,"Gerard sighed and stood between my legs, placing his hands on my thighs. At the warmth of his touch I was immediately transported back to when I had just met him. Everytime he touched me I would feel the heat travel straight to my face.  
"Why are you blushing?"Gerard asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
I broke out into a smile,"Remembering how awkward I felt everytime you touched me when we first met. It was always like the warmth from you went to my face,"I sighed.  
"Thats really cute, Pumpkin,"He smiled and put his forehead against mine,"Please just wait til tomorrow. Please."

I looked into his eyes and all I saw was love. Gerard loved me. And I loved him,"I love you."  
"I love you too... Does this mean you'll wait?"He asked hopefully, his hands slowly moving up my leg to my hips.  
I closed my eyes and let out a small sigh,"Okay. Yes."  
"Promise me."  
"I promise you I'll wait til tomorrow."

"Thank you,"He whispered before kissing me. Oh god. It had been a while since we had kissed, let alone like that. I had no idea I had been craving it so much. My hands hooked around the back of his neck and my legs wrapped around his body as his mouth moved against mine. As we kissed he picked me up and somehow found his way to his old bedroom.


	6. Jesus God Mother Fucker

He kicked the door shut, turned around and pushed me up against it. I moaned into his mouth as he somehow kept me pinned against the door and yet his hands started roaming my body. I unhooked my legs from his waist and dropped to my feet. We broke apart for a fraction of a second to pull our t-shirts off before meeting with our lips again. I was so fucking hard already and we had only been making out for about a minute. Being with him like this just pushed all other thoughts out of my mind. I was hungry for Gerard. For his kiss, his touch and his love. The main thing I was hungry for though, was his dick.

I grabbed his shoulders and switched places with him, pushing him up against the door and kissing his jawline, down his neck. I mouthed shivery kisses along his collarbone before falling to my knees and reaching for his jeans.

"Oh jesus,"He uttered out as I pulled them down. He was harder than me, his dick leaking and just begging me to take it. I didnt wait another second. At the first taste of his dick I couldnt help but moan loudly. God, he tasted so fucking good. It had been way too fucking long.

"Fuck, Frank,"Gerard grabbed at my hair with his sweaty hands and bucked into my mouth. I wrapped my hand around the base of his dick and with the other I held down his hips, making him moan even more.  
My dick hardened even more, causing me to bite down slightly. I dont think I hurt Gerard though because he shouted out,"Oh jesus oh god fuck- yeah like- oh man."

I continued sucking, working him into a frenzy while trying to enjoy the taste. Gerard's fingers squeezed tighter around my head, the only warning I got before Gerard was coming into my mouth, spilling out that taste onto my tongue as he gasped my name.  
I dragged myself up his body to stand on my tiptoes and kiss him.  
"Jesus christ,"He panted. His hands slipped down my chest to my own jeans, his lips falling onto mine. He pushed me backwards as his tongue slipped inside my mouth, roaming around and probably tasting his own cum. My butt hit the bed and I fell onto my back.

I scrambled backwards slightly as Gerard crawled over me and kissed me slowly at first then faster, his hands running across my chest and leaving a trail of goosebumps where ever they went.  
"Gerard,"I closed my eyes and took it all in, the feeling of his mouth moving down my neck, his hands on my shoulders, his bare torso against mine,"God I love you."  
"I love you too, Pumpkin,"He whispered against my skin, right where my heart was beating erratically. Next thing I knew Gerard was pulling my jeans down. I pushed my hips away from the bed to make it easier.

"Oh god,"Gerard whispered when my dick was free from the tightness.  
"Oh fuck oh god,"I shouted out as his hot wet mouth closed around my dick. His tongue swiped at the head and he went down on me. He didnt even stop me when my hips thrust upwards. The taste of Gerard's mouth and dick was still on my tongue and it just made everything even better.

I grabbed at his head, clenching his hair tightly before letting go in fear that I was going to pull it out. Instead I grabbed at the bed sheets, soaking them with my sweat straight away as Gerard moved up and down, jerking me off at the same time. Moans and swear words were pulled out of my mouth as I felt the familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach.  
"Gerard I'm close I'm gonna- oh fuck me jesus god mother fucker!"I shouted out as I shot my load right into Gerard's face. He slowly looked up at me, an awkward smile covered in my cum on his face.

"Sorry,"I smiled sheepishly. He shook his head slightly and dragged his hand down to wipe it all off. He then proceeded to lick it all. I shivered and reached down to drag him up to lie next to me.  
"Its been too long,"Gerard puffed out.  
"Never again,"I chuckled as he kissed the top of my head. I wrapped my arms around him rested my head on his chest, sighing happily.  
"Nap?"  
"Definitely,"I yawned.

It wasnt until Gerard was asleep, ten minutes later, that the happiness and content left me to be replaced with that anger again. It was like I was possessed. A huge part of me wanted to wait until tomorrow so I could go in there with Gerard by my side. But the vengeful side of me just wanted it over with, and that was a strong side no matter how small.

I knew the entrance was under Gerard's old house. It was the only explanation for how they knew we were there. How else would they have known to send two out front and two out back? All I had to do was go into the basement with a shit tonne of ammo and work my way through until I found Cole.

I looked at Gerard's peaceful face and considered it all. If I wrote a note explaining myself he would understand. I confirmed the decision and very carefully slid out from beneath his arm. I pulled my clothes on and found a pen and paper. I scribbled down my note, eager to get out there and finish it all. I placed it on the bedside table, kissed Gerard lightly before tiptoeing out of the room. I silently crept down the hall and into the kitchen to grab my keys from where Gerard had left them. Without a second glance I was out the door and driving to The Magic Bean.


	7. All For Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry this ones short i have no idea how that even happened

My phone started ringing as I pulled up outside.  
"Not now, Gerard,"I muttered and ignored the call. I got out of the car and pulled one of the guns out. I glanced up and down the darkening street before running across the road and diving into a bush below the front window. As I made sure no one followed me, I twisted on the silencer. Then my phone rang again.

"For fucks sake,"I grumbled and turned it off before slipping it back into my pocket. I took one more precautionary look before running to the front door. It was still unlocked from the last time I was here with Gerard. I shivered at the memory of losing him and almost fell over as I realised what I was doing.  
"What the fuck am I doing here?"I asked myself. Gerard had asked me to wait. And I had told him I would. No I had promised him. He was going to hate me for going behind his back. I slowly found myself sitting on the front step, putting my head in my hands.

As I stared at the ground, something came into focus. A patch of blood. The memory of shooting those guys came back to me at full force along with that insane anger. That was why I was here. To kill the guys who kidnapped Gerard. To kill the dicks who infected him with that stupid hallucination shit. To kill Cole for killing my Mum. I was doing this for all of them.

I stood up and went inside the house. It was pitch black inside, none of the fading light reached the hallway. The ceiling was lined with lightbulbs for a good reason. I slowly started creeping down, trying to find the door to the basement. Usually, to get to basements you had to go under the stairs so I opened the door, hoping to god it was there.

"Yes! Fuck,"I slapped my hand over my mouth. Why the fuck had I just shouted? That was the stupidest thing I could do. I listened out to see if anyone had heard me. I couldnt hear a damn thing except for a car backfiring a few streets over. I carefully and quietly closed the door behind me before feeling with my foot for the stairs down into the basement.


	8. He Promised

Gerard's POV

"Where am I?"I whispered, taking in the mouth of a cave. In front of me was a cliff edge leading down to the thrashing ocean. Despite the cold sea wind blowing in, there was a weird warmth surrounding most of my body.  
"You're in a cave in the east of india,"A low voice said behind me. I jumped around to see myself leaning against the wet wall of the cave.  
"But I- is this-"

"This isnt a hallucination,"The other me shook his head and moved away from the wall to stand in front of me.  
"Then how-"  
"I'm you're subconscious you dick. This is a dream and you need to wake up. Frank's in trouble,"He looked at me seriously.  
"How do you know?"I croaked.

"He left to go and kill Cole. There's something wrong with him Gerard and you need to stop ignoring it. Now wake the fuck up or he's gonna get shot in exactly sixteen minutes and twenty three seconds,"He said and pushed me backwards into the sea.

I awoke with a jolt, covered in sweat and puffing like I had been running. The last thing I remembered was walking along some rocks by the ocean. Whatever it was, it was a weird dream. I looked around to see that Frank was already up. Jesus, how long had I been asleep for? It was still dark though

I swung my legs out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. The window was open behind me, letting a soft breeze cool me down. I looked around at the sound of paper fluttering and saw a small piece sitting on the ground. That wasnt there when I went to sleep. I picked it up and read it out loud.

"Gone to kill Cole. Be back soon. Love you. . . MIKEY?!"I jumped to my feet and raced out of the door, running into Pete's bedroom door. I ignored the pain and started pounding on the door.  
"You guys Frank's gone to kill Cole!"I shouted,"Get the fuck out here?!"  
"For fucks sake Frank!"Mikey groaned loudly. I went back into my bedroom and pulled my clothes on in a rush. When I went back outside Pete and Mikey were already in the lounge stocking up on protection.  
"He promised me... He fucking promised,"I muttered as I loaded myself with weapons.

-time lapse-

"I didnt even know this house had a basement,"Mikey muttered as we crept down to the basement, careful not to trip. When I reached the bottom I felt around for the door handle. When I found it I gave my torch to Mikey, put my gun up and very slowly pushed the door open.

"Jesus..."I opened the door fully and took a step in. The room was empty except for a small table with two chairs and three dead bodies. One of them was still sitting at the table, slumped over a game of cards. A broken bottle of something was on the floor next to him. Another body lay bleeding down the steps to the outside doors. And the third body was in front of a door leading into a dark hallway.

"Holy fuck..."I walked right in and tried to avoid stepping in the pools of blood,"I guess he was right... Can one of you call the guys? We might need back up."  
"How the fuck is that even possible? Where you think you were is flippen ages away from here,"Mikey was crouching down next to the door, looking at the dead guy as he typed out a text.

"Mikey get away from him,"Pete jumped over a puddle and yanked Mikey to his feet. Mikey glared at him before looking at me and pointing down the dark hallway. A few flickering lights were dotted every few metres but they didnt do much. They only lit up a few side passages and three or four more dead bodies.  
"Fuck Frank,"I groaned. This was too far. Killing Cole? Sure. Chloe? Hell yes. But these men had probably been forced into doing this by Malcolm or Cole.  
"Come on, lets find him,"Mikey looked to me and Pete for a moment before walking into the sinister dirt halls, gun out and eyes alert. Pete and I followed behind quietly, treading lightly as we tried not to focus on the dead bodies.

We reached an intersection in the scarily silent passage and looked at each other.  
"Which way?"Pete whispered.  
"I dunno... I think Frank might have gone to the left. Thats towards the stream isnt it?"Mikey shrugged his shoulders,"The guys are on their way."  
"He went that way,"I pointed to down the right passageway. There was two more bodies, one close by, the other just legs poking out from round the bend.

"Oh. Come on then,"Mikey started walking again. I was glad he was taking charge of the situation. I certainly couldnt. The fact that Frank had killed these guys put a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach.  
"Hold on wait,"I said suddenly, freezing as something reached my ears.  
"What is-"Mikey started to say.  
"Shhhshsh!"I flapped my hands and listened carefully. It was dead silent.  
"Gerard I cant hear-"

"Fuck you!"Someone shouted faintly.  
"That-"I slapped at Mikey's arm,"Thats Frank!"I took off. I tried not to step in the blood, I really did, but as I rounded the bend, my eyes were taken off of the ground and were moved to the scene playing out in front of me. And I went down.  
"Fuck!"I shouted out, my gun dropping next to me and firing one shot that I felt whiz past my head. I landed on my stomach in in the blood leaking from the young boy's body lying next to me.  
"Gerard?"Frank called.  
"Gerard!"Mikey shouted.  
"Frank!"Pete yelled.

I had no idea what was going on. I was winded and could barely move. But at the sound of cruel laughter, I had to force myself to look up.  
"This is like that moment in Shrek two when they're at the dinner table and are shouting everyone's names and then Donkey shouts out 'Donkey' just as the pig lands on the table. Man I love that movie."  
"This isn't a movie Cole,"Mikey said in a deadly quiet tone.

Cole was holding Frank by his shirt, holding a gun to his head. My arms trembled as I pushed myself up. I tried taking in a deep breathand succeeded. Mikey and Pete were aiming their guns at Cole but it was pointless really. Mikey's free hand was suddenly on my arm, pulling me to my feet completely.  
"Gerard. You got a little something on your shirt,"Cole smirked at me.

Stupidly, I looked down. My shirt was stuck to my chest with blood. At that, Cole started cackling his horrible laugh. I looked back up at him, avoiding looking at Frank. I bent down and picked up my gun.

"So... I have Gerard Way right where I want him and I am stumped as to what I should do... Hmmm,"Cole cocked his head and looked at us all.  
"What makes you think you have me where you want me? There's three of us and one of you... Oh. I forgot. You arent that good at maths."I asked him.  
His smirk deepened into snarl,"See this is where you're wrong. I've got you cornered. I'm holding a gun to your soon to be ex-boyfriend. You and your friends are surrounded. What more do I need?"

I looked behind to see three guys I vaguely recognised from school and about four others I didnt, all aiming guns at us.  
"See? Now I've got more men."  
"We're even dick,"I glared at him.  
"Ahhh no. We're not. Remember, Frank may be on your side but he is gunless and I do have a gun against his head,"Cole gave Frank a shake. It was then that I finally looked at him. One side of his face was bloody and bruised and he was crying.

"Give me back my boyfriend,"I said quietly and took a step towards him.  
"Move any closer and I'll kill him."  
"No you wont,"I took another step,"You want to drag out my pain. You're saving Frank for last."  
"True... But I can do this,"Cole smiled at me then shot Frank's leg.  
"No!"I shouted and lunged forward as Frank screamed out. I tackled Cole and we both went flying to the ground. It was really the perfect timing because at that moment, Ray, Bob, Di, Dewees, Brendon and Ryan showed up and attacked.  
It sounded like a gunfight was going on behind me as I wrestled Cole.

"I'm gonna kill everyone you love,"He grunted and flipped us over, landing a punch on my chest.  
"No. I wont- let- you!"I brought my knee up and caught him in the balls. I felt my head hit the floor as he punched my nose, unpertubed by my knee to his package. I swung my free fist up and pounded the side of his head. He stumbled.  
"HOLD IT!"Someone screeched over the top of everything. Cole and I froze. The gunshots stopped and I edged my head to the side to see over the top of Cole's shoulder. Frank was leaning against the wall, breathing heavily while he aimed a gun at Cole.

Cole scrambled to get off of me, sliding backwards away from me and Frank. I looked to where Pete was holding Mikey up. Mikey was clutching his side, blood leaking through his fingers and his eyes closed. There was blood everywhere and so many bodies were on the ground and I had no idea if anyone I knew was one of them.

"Cole. Stay. Still,"Frank panted. Cole fell against the wall and stared up at Frank. He wasnt so smug now, the bastard. I pulled myself to my feet and moved next to Frank. It took a lot to push aside my anger at him but I did it. I took the gun from him and hooked his arm around my shoulder to help him up.  
"Thank you,"He whispered.  
"Dont,"I muttered and aimed the gun at Cole.

"Here,"Frank shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a needle,"The- the antidote. Jesus christ this is painful."  
"Oh god a needle,"I stared at it in horror. Before I could take it from him, Frank bit the cap off and jabbed it into my arm, injecting me with the liquid.  
"Ahh fuck!"  
"Sorry..."Frank sighed and pulled it out. I took a deep breath, waiting for the stinging to go away, before looking back down at Cole.

"Gerard... You wouldnt kill me would you?"  
"No. I'm not a killer. I never have been,"I stared down at him.  
"Well then let me kill him,"Frank yanked the gun out of my hands and shot Cole.


	9. What The Fuck Have I Done?

Frank's POV

I couldnt feel anything. No matter how hard I tried, I couldnt break through the numbness to face what I'd done.  
"Frank? You with us?"Gerard's face suddenly appeared in front of mine.  
My eyes came to focus on him and I nodded then went back to staring at Cole's dead body. A shout pulled my eyes away from it again.  
"Di!"Someone wailed.

"What? Di- no NO DI!"That was Gerard. Oh god. I couldnt stand with my leg so I started dragging myself over to where everyone was crowded around Di. Dewees had thrown himself across her body and was sobbing heavily. Everyone else was crying as well. My arms gave out and I fell down, panting heavily.

I dont know how long it took for us all to get out. Maybe an hour? No one knew what to say to the police when they arrived at the hospital. I think in the end Gerard told them everything. Right from the beginning.

Gerard was the only one that didnt need any medical care. All he had was a black eye, a bloody nose and So it was him that made all our decisions. As far as I could tell, Mikey Ray and I were in the IE. Gerard was talking to a nurse and I just managed to overhear their conversation before I passed out from the drugs.

"Rooms wise I can do three, two two's and a one. Take your pick."  
"Put Pete and Mikey together. Ray and Bob together. Dewees, Brendon and Ryan together and put Frank by himself,"Gerard sighed. And then I passed out.

-time lapse-

When I came to I was in a small hospital room with a weird tightness around my head and leg. There was a needle in my arm begging me to itch it. I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and looked around the bright white room. The only dark thing in it was Gerard asleep on a chair next to the door. His eyes had dark shadows ringing them and he was still wearing the clothes covered in blood.

It was then that everything came back to me. The way I hadn't hesitated when I had gotten into the basement. I had just shot them. Without even giving them a chance to surrender. I clenched my eyes shut, begging the images to go away. But instead they ran around and around my eyes, taunting me.  
"Okay. Yes."  
"Promise me."  
"I promise I'll wait til tomorrow."

"Oh god,"I croaked and put my head in my hands, feeling the thick bandage wrapped around my forehead.  
"Frank?"Gerard whispered. I looked up to see him sitting up straight and staring at me.  
"Gerard... Gerard I'm-"  
"Dont say it. Dont you dare say you're sorry Frank,"Gerard cut over me. I cleared my throat and nodded. Gerard stood up and silently walked over to me,"Explain."  
"E-explain what?"I looked up at him, forcing to look and see the grief and worry and hurt that I had caused.

"Explain to me why you went behind my back after you promised me, promised me, that you you would wait til tomorrow. Frank you lied to me. You went behind my back and lied. You said you would wait and you didnt. Instead you wrote a pathetic note and left. To try and take on Cole. By yourself."  
"Gerard I didnt mean to hurt-"

"To hurt me?"Gerard started pacing around my bed,"Frank you have no idea how much you've hurt me! Because of you, we lost Di! Because of you, we might lose Mikey! Because of you, eight fucking people are dead Frank. Because you couldnt wait a few hours."  
"When you put it like that it sounds terrible but-"

"There isnt another way to put it Frank! I had no idea what to do! I told the cops everything and I'm probably going to be arrested tomorrow. As soon as you're stable enough they're taking you as well. We are all going to prison because of you,"Gerard spat at me. Before I could say anything he was walking out.

What the fuck have I done?


	10. Learn From Your Mistakes

Gerard's POV

I managed not to slam the door due to the fact that it was a hospital but I couldnt stop myself from punching the wall. I was so fucking angry. A nurse passing by gave me a look so I tried to calm myself down. I rubbed my fists together as I started doing an angry march to Pete and Mikey's room. When I got inside, I only found Pete looking pissed off and worried in his bed.

"Where's Mikey?"  
"Surgery. They found internal bleeding and there is a chance its his liver,"Pete grumbled.  
"What?! How- what happened?"I rushed over and sat on the edge of his bed.  
"He uh, he woke up in pain and the nurses came in and took him out. Someone came in a few minutes ago telling me what had happened,"Pete sighed.  
"Do you know where they took him?"I stood up and started walking to the door.  
"No. Find him Gerard. Make sure he's okay,"Pete called.

Once I was outside I looked around for signs and found them. Surgery was up on the next floor. I started running. I ran as fast as I could, flying into the lift and somehow stopping myself before I hit the other side. I bent over, panting as I waited for the lift to go up. The doors dinged open and I darted out.

The first nurse I saw I ran up to her,"Excuse me! Can you tell me where Michael Way is?"  
"Take a left up that way then a right. He's in the third surgical unit,"She smiled sweetly at me.  
"Thank you,"I puffed before taking off. I skidded to a halt when I reached the third window looking down into the surgical ward. There were a few nurses and a few doctors. I couldn't really tell the difference. Mikey was on the table, his stomach uncovered and open, showing off his insides. I couldnt see much from this far away. But it was enough. I took one last look at him before going to find a seat.

-time lapse-

"Gerard Way?"Someone pulled me out of my thoughts.  
"Yeah?"I jumped up and stared desperately at the male nurse.  
"Your brothers going to be okay. We found the source of the bleeding, stitched it up and gave him a transfusion."  
"Can I see him?"

"He's on his way back to his room right now. He's asleep though and we reccommend not waking him up. He needs his rest,"He smiled at me then started walking away. I started to follow him but then I realised that he wasn't going to Mikey's room so I altered my course and made my way back.  
"Gerard he's gonna be okay,"Pete cried as soon as I walked in the door.

"I know, Pete,"I smiled and sat down on a chair. Mikey's pale face looked gaunt and horrible in this light. His eyes were sunken in like he hadnt slept in weeks and his breathing was shallow.  
I closed my eyes and slowly let out a sigh of relief.  
"What's going on?"Mikey croaked.

My head jerked up and my eyes opened. Mikey was awake,"Mikey. How do you feel?"  
"Sore. My side is aching,"Mikey groaned as a nurse walked in.  
"We've got something for that,"She smiled and went to his drip. She fiddled around with something and a few seconds later Mikey smiled deeply.  
"Now thats the stuff,"He smiled,"Wanna tell me what happened after we left the tunnels?"

"Well um. Its all a bit of a blur. We brought everyone out and the ambulances were waiting for us. You guys all went to have stuff done and I- I told the cops everything..."I watched Mikey's face, preparing myself for a yelling. But none came. He just nodded understandingly. Pete, however, was not so understanding.  
"You what?!"Pete shouted.  
"Pete leave him alone, what else did you expect him to do?"Mikey sighed.  
"Not get us all thrown in prison, thats for sure."

"Tell me how you would explain 8 dead bodys, a shit tonne of weapons and god knows what else..."I grumbled.  
Pete looked away and muttered a sorry.  
"Have you spoken to Frank?"Mikey asked quietly.  
"Yes."  
Mikey looked at me, waiting for me to go on but I didnt. I just left him to wonder as I slowly fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

-time lapse-

Sommeone was shouting at me. Telling me to wake up. It took me a second to realise that it wasnt a dream, someone was actually yelling at me to wake up. I opened my eyes and took a look around. Pete was in front of me, talking complete nonsense.  
"Gerard!"He slapped me.  
"Fuck! Fuck off, Pete,"I shoved him away.

"Gerard the cops are coming in an hour for you. They called the hospital. A nurse came in and said they believe your story and they're giving you an hour to say goodbye to everyone because when they take us all in they're splitting us up."  
"But I- fuck... Fuck!"I jumped to my feet. Mikey was sitting up in bed doing something on his phone,"What time is it?"  
"Almost half seven in the morning,"Mikey muttered.  
"Jesus... That was the worst sleep I have ever had,"I groaned and rubbed at my eyes.

"Gerard go talk to Ray and Bob. You havent been to see them at all and they want to talk to you,"Mikey said without looking up.  
"Right. Okay... I'll uh... I'll be back."  
"Dont be late okay? I want to say goodbye to you."  
"Dont worry I wont be,"I tried to give them a reassuring smile but failed. I could feel the sense of impending doom sinking into me. I closed the door and found my way to Bob and Ray.

"Gerard! What the hell is going on?"Ray said as I walked in.  
"I uh... I've got an hour to say goodbye to everyone."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, I told the cops everything, they believe me and they're coming to get me in just under an hour."

"Oh... Right... What about us?"Ray asked quietly.  
"I'm not sure... I think the police will ask you all questions and find out just what you're guilty of or whatever..."I came and leant against his bed. Bob was in the next one, snoring softly.  
"Are the others okay?"  
"Yeah. Mikey had a few problems but is fine now. Pete's leg and ribs are on the mend and Frank is... dealing."

"Have you talked to him?"  
"Yes,"I looked over to Bob who was just waking up.  
"Gerard? Whats going on?"He croaked.  
"I'll explain later for you. Gerard, why are you saying goodbye?"Ray shushed Bob.  
"Whatever happens to us, they're planning on splitting us up."  
"Oh...Well you probably have a few other people to see so we wont waste your time,"Ray said quietly.

"You guys are my best friends. You would never be wasting my time,"I gave them both a watery smile, shocked to feel the tears already running down my face. I leaned down and hugged Ray tightly, struggling to keep his hair out of my mouth. Then I hugged Bob who looked like a depressed puppy. I had never seen the sensitive side of him. He always had a shell of sarcasm.

"We can write to each other, yeah? And- you'll get out before us because you havent killed anyone. But we'll all get out and then we can start the band up again. Its all gonna be fine,"Bob sniffed. I nodded and slowly backed away from them, waving sadly. Before I lost it I left.

-time lapse-

"I dont know whats going to happen... But the minute we are all free, we're meeting up and we're starting that motherfucking band,"I stammered. Mikey was sobbing. Pete was crying silently and I was struggling to keep a hold of myself. I had about fifteen minutes left, all of which I was going to talk to Frank in.

"Gerard be careful okay?"Mikey looked up at me through watery eyes.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You know what they do to guys like us in prison? With your ass and hair-"  
"Fuck you,"I chuckled.

"You need to go before I completely lose it,"Mikey cried and grabbed at me, pulling me into a hug. I held him tightly, trying to remember every little thing I loved about him. I did the same for Pete, storing all the good memories.  
"I need to go talk to Frank before they get here,"I pulled away and wiped my tears away. "  
"I love you Gerard. You're the best brother ever,"Mikey sobbed as I walked out.

"Jesus christ,"I sniffed as I walked blindly towards Frank's room. When I walked in, he was sitting up in bed looking depressed as fuck. The swelling in the side of his face had gone down as well.  
"Gerard?"He looked up at me,"Whats happened? Did Mikey-"  
"No no he's fine. Everyone's fine,"I pulled a chair over and sat down next to his bed.  
"Then why are you crying?"  
"I'm gonna be arrested in ten minutes."

"Fuck..."He looked down at his lap, shame washing over his bruised features.  
"Yeah. Whatever happens to all of us, we're gonna be split up. So I'm saying goodbye to everyone now,"I said quietly and stood up.  
"Oh... Well... I love you... Bye?"Frank looked up at me.  
"I love you too Frank..."I whispered. I didnt want to say goodbye. Despite everything that had happened the last few days, I still loved the shit out of him and I would still die for him.

"Gerard I lied and went behind your back because I couldnt stop myself. The rage started when Malcolm turned up at Mums funeral. It was this terrible thing that I couldnt get rid of no matter what I did. When we got back to Jersey and Nanna Kat finally answered my call, it started growing. The only time I was ever truely without it was last night when I was with you. But afterwards, when you were asleep, I was left awake and it came back. It was like it took control of my body. No matter how hard I tried, I couldnt make myself stop. I never wanted to go behind your back Gerard. I wanted to wait but the anger wouldnt let me..."Frank was staring at me, keeping eye contact. In his eyes, I saw that he was telling the truth. I knew what that anger was like. Maybe I had never experienced it to that level, but I knew what the tiniest bit felt like and that was enough to make me want to kill Dean. What Frank was describing now, had to have been ten times worse than that.

"I know it doesnt justify what I did. I feel terrible for it. I dont deserve to be alive right now,"Frank looked away finally.

"Frank look at me,"I sat down on the edge of his bed and placed my hands on his as he turned to look at me, tears shining in his eyes,"You're gonna get through this. Okay? And I promise you that I'll be right there, by your side, helping you... As your friend..."I hadnt stopped thinking about it since I found the note. Even through all the crazy, the thought of leaving Frank was in the back of my mind. Now that I'd said it out loud, it seemed like the right decision. For now.

Frank blinked at me, not seeming to process what I had just said,"Are- you- we- you're not- you cant break up with me..."  
"I'm sorry but-"  
"No please, Gerard. Please dont do that. Dont leave me,"He closed his eyes tightly, his hands balling into fists beneath mine.

"Frank listen to me. I cannot forgive you for breaking that promise. Because you broke it, I lost a good friend. I almost lost my brother. A lot of people got hurt because of that and I cant forgive you. I know what depression is like and suicidal thoughts so I'm going to help you through it but I cant be with you anymore. Please, try to understand."  
"I understand alright,"Frank sniffed and snatched his hands away from me,"Please just go. I dont need you or any of the others just go!"  
I sighed and got up,"I do love you Frank. I always have, and I always will."

He didnt say anything so I walked out, closing the door quietly. Two policemen were walking down the hall towards me. As I walked to meet them, I thought about being away from Frank. I had no idea how long I would be in prison for. Or Frank for that matter. Either way, we weren't going to see each other for a very long time. If Frank was serious in not wanting my help, that might have been the last time I ever see him. The thought made me want to turn around and go take it all back. Have I just made a big mistake?


	11. Marcie, Deandra and Vicky

4 years later.

Frank's POV

I stared down at the phone, a horrible feeling spreading from my throat to every other inch of my body, making me feel like crying, throwing up and throwing my phone away all in one go. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. I had no idea what to do. I had no money (at least not enough for a motel room), no home, no friends as far as I could tell and absolutely no hope.

I took one look behind me then started walking forward, unsure of where I was going. When I rounded the corner I had to sit down on the sidewalk and take in deep breaths. And then a bus pulled up next to me. I coughed through the dust and thought 'fuck it' before stepping up.

I scraped out whatever money was in the bottom of my bag and gave it to the driver,"How far can that get me?"  
The creepy looking driver stared at the money for a second before saying,"Sit down."  
I mumbled a thanks and went to sit at the back. One or two people were looking at me but I managed to ignore them. I had no idea if the media had said something about me getting out today. It seemed it had because one girl who looked about 19, left her friends and sat down next to me.

"Are you the guy that shot all those people underground?"She asked and blew a bubble with her gum.  
"Yes,"I said in a deadly tone.  
"Oh my god. You are totally cuter in person. Did you just get out?"She giggled.  
"Yes,"I repeated.  
"Ahh I thought so! The news was talking about how you got out today."

I slowly turned to look at her. I had a smart remark on my tongue but I needed her help,"Where is this bus going?"  
"Its just about to finish the route through Idaho and then we're cutting through the corners of Oregon and Nevada to California. Where are you going?"  
A surge of relief flooded through me,"California."  
"Really?! Me and my friends are going there as well. We've got another friend picking us up at the bus stop. Where in California?"She gasped brightly. I couldnt help but flinch at how loud and annoying she was being.

"Uh San Diego I guess,"I sighed. I needed to see what had happened to Mum's house. It could still possibly be mine. I was the oldest and I doubt Nana Kat would be living there. She would have taken Lily and Claire to Washington with her.  
"Well, me and my friends are going to LA. You want a lift?"She raised her eyebrows and painfully reminded me of the way Gerard used to do that.  
I thought about it for about a second before nodding,"I guess so. Got no other way of getting there,"I sighed.

"Awesome! Come sit with us!"She giggled and jumped up, grabbing my arm and tugging me out of my seat. Reluctantly, I followed her down the aisle and fell into the empty seat. Her two other friends were eyeing me up. Seriously, did they not even pay attention to why I shot everyone?  
"I told you it was him. He's going to San Diego and is gonna get a lift with us!"The girl clapped her hands,"I'm Deandra by the way."  
"I'm Marcie,"One of the other girls said, twirling her curly brown hair in her fingers.  
"Victoria,"The one sitting next to me muttered. She seemed the least interested in me. Thank christ I was sitting next to her.

"So why did you kill all those people?"Marcie leaned across the table between us and batted her eyelashes at me.  
"I uh-"I cleared my throat and looked away,"Their leader caused a whole lot of trouble for me and my boyfriend and friends and then he killed my Mum."  
"Is your boyfriend in San Diego? Are you going to meet him there?"Deandra asked, leaning across the table as well.  
"No. He dumped me before I went to prison,"I groaned, feeling a wave of feelings wash over me.  
"Oh my god what a dick! That is so unfair,"Marcie gasped.

I fought back the tears and tried not to think about Gerard. If he wasn't answering then he must not love me anymore,"Can we not talk about it please?"  
Deandra gave Marcie a look before looking at me again, a big smile on her face,"We can help you forget about- what was his name?"  
"Gerard... Gerard Way,"I sighed. Victoria sat up next to me suddenly.  
"Do- are you talking about The Gerard Way?"She looked at me.  
"Uh- are there any other Gerard Way's?"I shrugged my shoulders, confused about why her eyes were widening. She looked like she was about to start hypervenilating.

"Oh Vicky, its not the same one. The one you're in love with is straight,"Deandra gave Victoria a look as if to say 'shut the fuck up' to her,"Well we can help you forget all about Gerard."  
"No no hold on what Gerard are you thinking of?"I asked Victoria.  
"He's the lead singer of my favourite band, My Chemical Romance. They started up about a year ago. I was at their first official show in Jersey,"She gushed.  
"I-"I couldnt breathe,"His brother wouldnt happen to be in the band playing bass would he?"  
"Yeah! Oh my god! You dated him! Ah you lucky bastard!"She turned in her seat, ignoring the frustrated looks from Deandra and Marcie.

"They started the band?"I asked softly.  
"Yeah. I was in New Jersey with family and my boyfriend took me to their first show in this weird coffee place. It was pretty awesome."  
"How many members?"  
"Five. Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Bob and whats his name. I can never remember cause he's not an official member. Just temporary,"She smiled at me.  
"Well thats something,"I sighed.

"Do you wanna hear some of their songs?!"Vicky pulled one of her headphones out and gave it to me,"This one is called Demolition Lovers."  
I put it in my ear and clenched my fists as I heard his scratchy voice. A rush of memories started threatening to break through. I yanked the earphone out of my ear and handed it back to her,"Yeah I uh I've heard that one before."  
"Really? When? The album was only released a few weeks ago. Havent you been in prison?"She looked at me, confused to buggery.

"Yes. But about 6 years ago or something I uh- I was in the band for a bit and I heard that song,"I mumbled,"Look can we please just not talk about him or their stupid band for now? Deandra is right, I need to forget about them all. If they wont answer the fucking phone then fine. I'll make do without them,"I grumbled. I needed coffee.  
"You have their numbers?"Victoria asked slowly.  
"Vicky! Cant you see its upsetting him to talk about them? Leave him be,"Marcie scolded. I mumbled a thanks before sinking into my seat more.

"So what are you doing when you get to San Diego?"Deandra asked me.  
"I uh I need to go to my old home. My mum bought it a while ago but I'm not sure what happened to it after she died. I'm hoping I'll be able to live there. Not sure how I'll be able to pay bills or anything though. No one's going to hire me,"I sighed. How on earth was I going to do anything? Everybody thought I was a cold merciless killer.

Marcie looked from Deandra to Victoria to me,"This is a sign. We were talking about not going back to Idaho. Because our best friend lives in LA and she wants us to move close to home. If there are enough bedrooms, we could rent them from you?"  
"That could work... But what about your home? Havent you got things there?"I asked. As annoying as these girls were, they were nice enough to give me a ride and now they were offering to help me pay bills so I could actually have a home. I could at least give them a chance.

"Nah all of us live with our parents. We've got all the clothes we need with us,"Marcie smiled at us,"Besides, what better excuse to buy more right?"  
"We can easily get jobs and shit. We get a lot of money from our parents anyway so we can help you get back on your feet!"Victoria said excitedly, infecting me with it and bringing my hopes up slightly.  
"Do you know what you want to do?"Marcie asked me seriously.

"I want to own a coffee shop but I want it to be different. All the time people dont hire someone because they have a few tattoos or bright colours in their hair and it fucks me off. I want to be someone who hires them. And the place can have a corner for live music. And a tv for when no one is playing but it only plays the rock channels,"I gushed excitedly.

The only things that had gotten me through prison was thinking about Gerard and owning my own coffee shop. If Gerard was officially out of my life, then the coffee shop was all I had to worry about it. I could feel the pressure leaving me already.

"Thats awesome! I bet we could get the money to buy a place from our parents!"Marcie clapped her hands before pulling out her phone.  
"Wait- no what are you doing?"I panicked as they all pulled their phones out, ignoring my protets.

"Hey Mummy, I need some money. We're all going thirds in a shop space for our friend. He wants to start a business but he needs some money,"Marcie said. Deandra and Victoria were doing the same. What the fuck.  
"Thank you Mum!"Deandra smiled then hung up,"I've got ten thousand."  
"Fifteen,"Victoria said as she slipped her phone into her bag.  
"I've got fifteen as well!"Marcie grinned.  
"How the fuck?"I stared at them all, dumbfounded.

"All of our parents are big in business. All of us met at some fancy party and were instant friends. Everyone always thinks we're spoilt brats but we're not. We were the only three girls at that party that actually do chores around the house if we want something. That's why our parents are so happy to give us stuff. They love us,"Marcie smiled.  
"Wow. Thats so awesome. But you guys really didnt have to do that."  
"Nonsense! You'll give us a job and a home right?"  
"Of course!"I grinned. Things were looking up already.


	12. Just Fine

Gerard's POV

"Where the fuck is it?!"I shouted, flinging clothes everywhere.  
"Where the fuck is what?"Ray asked, not taking his eyes off the screen as he killed zombies.  
"My fucking phone. I havent seen it in three fucking days! I need it in case Frank calls. He gets out today,"I grumbled and squashed my cloths back into my suitcase.

"It'll turn up, Gerard. Calm down,"Besides, Frank isn't going to call. He didnt reply to one of your letters and he wouldnt see you when you tried. Face it, he doesnt want anything to do with us,"Mikey said as he walked in.  
"But he might have changed his mind by now,"I glared at him and fell down next to Ray. I hated being on tour sometimes. We were in a shitty motel, sharing beds because we had no money and I was stressed to hell. I watched Ray for a minute before I grabbed my notepad and started writing lyrics.

-time lapse-

"I just want my phone to see if he's called,"I sighed.  
"Gerard did you check the van?"Bob asked me, looking at me over his pizza.  
"No..."I dropped my pizza and set it aside. I ran out of the room in a rush. In a flash I was outside and yanking open the door to the van. I crawled in and started climbing over the seats, hoping to god I would find it.

"Yes!"I shouted and dove into the boot. I snatched it from the floor and eagerly turned it on. As everything slowly came up, I felt my heart sink. Nothing but a message from Mikey telling me to get pepperoni on the pizza. I dropped it next to me and flopped, feeling the depression strengthen.

"Okay. Okay I can get through this without him,"I breathed deeply and pulled myself back through to where the door was,"I'm gonna be fine. I dont need him. If he wont pick up the fucking phone and call me then fine. I can make do without him."

I went back into the room and sat down next to Ray. I grabbed a controller and joined the game. As I started killing zombies, I felt the pressure and stress leave me. I was going to be just fine.


	13. Your Favourite Sister

Frank's POV

I stared up at the house in silence, trying to stem the flow of emotions. I constructed a mental wall between me and my feelings about being here again.  
"Frankie, do you want us to go in for you?"Marcie asked quietly. I glanced at her before taking a deep breath in and shaking my head.

"I can do this,"I took in another deep breath and started walking up the path to the front door, the security light flicking on and giving me a fright. It was locked. I reached down and picked up the rock in the pot of the tree. Underneath was the spare key. After all this time, no one had thought to do something about this house. Thank christ.  
I unlocked the front door and slowly creaked open the door and stared into the gloomy darkness. It smelt like rotten food and sadness. I took a step in and gagged.

"Oh my god. It fucking stinks! What the hell is that?!"I turned around and motioned for the girls to come in.  
"Oh my god. Frankie what is the smell?"Vicky choked out.  
"I've got some idea,"I uttered out, not wanting my mouth open for too long. I walked into the lounge and flicked the light on,"Oh fuck. Jesus christ."

Everything was exactly the same as when I had last seen it. Literally. All the food from my birthday party was still there. After Mum had died, no one had cleaned up. We had all said we'd do it in the morning. But then Nana Kat had dragged us up to Washington for the funeral the morning after. None of us had gotten a chance to.  
"What the fuck? That is revolting,"Deandra coughed,"Okay. I'm gonna go with Miranda and get some cleaning shit. You guys start airing this place out some."

Before I could tell her not to worry and that I would do it, she was gone.  
"Alright Vicky. Lets do this. Frank needs a bit of time to deal and then he can help,"Marcie walked over to the front window and managed to crack it open. As they started walking around, my eyes fell on the table where Mum had put all my presents. I had never even opened them. I slowly walked over and looked down at them all. Claire's was jumping out at me with the multi coloured home made wrapping paper.

I picked it up and it fell open. I couldnt help but laugh. She had gotten a little photo holder. It was a zombie with his mouth open and hands in the air, gripping something. Underneath him was a photo of me helping Claire play the guitar. I set the wrapping paper down and put the photo into the zombies hands. There had to be a card somewhere. I looked down and saw it peeking out from underneath Ray's.

"To Frankie. Even though a lot of the time you arent there, I love you lots. Happy birthday. Lots of love, Claire (your favourite sister) xoxoxoxox,"Tears pricked my eyes as I set the whole thing down and stared at it.  
Marcie appeared at my side,"You okay?"  
"Yeah. I'm just missing my sisters,"I sighed. I looked back at the present and almost punched myself,"Charlie!"  
"Sorry?"

"Charlie. I used to work with him. I should give him a call,"I pulled my phone out and scrolled down to his name and called him.  
"Hello?"  
"Charlie! Its Frank."  
"Frank? Uh hey. Whats up?"He sounded nervous.

"I got out today and I'm back in Sn Diego. I'm gonna buy a place and start a coffee shop. You wanna work with me?"I asked hopefully. Please dont be scared of me. Please.  
"I uh... Um I'm not sure..."  
"Well are you working right now?"  
"No... I mean yes. Yeah I am. I cant."  
"Bullshit. Listen, can we get together? And I can explain to you exactly why I went to prison okay? Killing 7 people should have gotten me more than four years but I had mental problems. Please just meet up with me so I can explain,"I sighed.

"Alright. I guess I can meet up tomorrow. Text me the details, I gotta go,"He sighed.  
"Definitely. Awesome. Thanks,"I hung the phone up and slipped it into my pocket,"Jesus christ."

"What's Charlie like?"Vicky asked from the kitchen.  
"He's pretty awesome. His hair is always different colours every time I see him,"I walked in as I heard Miranda and Deandra pull up outside. Miranda had been really nice. After a quick word from Deandra telling her not to talk to me about Gerard, she had been all fun and games. These three girls were ridiculously nice and I had completely taken back my thoughts about them being annoying teenage girls. They were all actually only one year younger than me, twenty one. Except for Miranda. She was twenty three.  
"Alright! We've got rubbish bags! Cleaning sprays! Cleaning tools aaaaand face masks. Lets get going shall we?"Deandra and Miranda dropped the shopping bags and grinned at us.


	14. The Best One

"Frank?! What do want us to do with the presents?!"Miranda yelled from the lounge.  
"Leave them! Dont touch them at all!"I dropped my scrubbing brush and darted into the lounge.  
Miranda looked at me,"Dont worry. I havent touched them. Do you want me to move the table at all?"  
"Uh. Just leave it there. Clean around it as best as possible,"I smiled sheepishly before realising she couldnt actually see because of the mask.

"Frank! I am not cleaning this kitchen by myself get back in here!"Vicky shouted.  
"Coming!"I went back in to find her basically in the fridge. All the food had been thrown out, but half of it had oozed and the other half had grown its mould onto the actual fridge. Everything needed washing. We havent even looked in the pantry yet.

"Hey Frank. How is there power?"Vicky asked as she scrubbed at the wall of the fridge.  
"Hmm?"My arms were submerged in hot soapy water in the sink as I scrubbed furisouly at the shelves from the fridge.  
"How does the house have power? And water and heating and everything?"Vicky poked her head out and looked at me,"If no one's been living here for four years then why is the power still on?"  
"I- have no idea..."I stopped scrubbing and stared at her. That was a really good thought,"I'm just gonna check the mail."

I dried my hands and went outside. It was only now that I noticed it was packed full, splurging its contents onto the ground. I grabbed as much as I could and carted it all back inside. I chucked all the papers into one of the bins and started sorting through the envelopes. There were a bunch of urgent ones from the power company, a few from the phone company and then a hand written one.

I stared at my name on the front hard. I couldnt recognise the writing at all and there was no return address either. I carefully opened it and pulled out the short letter.

Frank,  
I have organised for the power, water and phone to go back on the day you get out. I will be paying the bills for the first year. By then you should hopefully have found a job that pays well enough for you to live here. I apologise for taking the girls from you but it had to be done. Lots of love, Nana Kat.  
P.S Sorry for the mess.

"Jesus christ,"I stared at it in disbelief.  
"What is it?"All three girls said at once.  
"I- this letter from my Nana. You know the one who took my sisters from me? She's paying for everything for a year from now... I cant believe she organised this.. I mean I'm still angry at her for telling Lily and Claire I was dead, bet that backfired when I was on the news, but this is still..."I sat down on the stairs as the girls came and stood in front of me.  
"Did she say anything about the mess?"Deandra asked.

In answer I shoved the letter at her and raced upstairs. All the doors were closed. I went straight for Claire's room, flicking the light on as soon as I opened the door.  
"No,"I breathed when I got a look at her room. Everything was gone. Her bed was stripped bare, he closet was open and empty and none of her little nick nacks that she loved to collect were there. I had hoped that something would be here, so they would have to ccoem and get it. But there was absolutely nothing.

I sat down on her bed feeling severely lonely and depressed. Something was sticking out from under the bed. I reached down and pulled out Claire's favourite soft toy.  
"God dammit,"I sighed. I had gotten this for her on the day she went to school without crying for the first time. She had been so happy with it and now it was stuck here. I got up and took it into my room. I set it on my bed as my eyes caught sight of the photo of Gerard and I at Disneyland.

I picked it up and stared. Why had I ever said I didnt need Gerard? I needed him now more than ever. The look on his face made my heart do flips. I thumped it back face down and banished the thoughts of regret.

"Frank?! Do you want something to eat?!"One of the girls called downstairs.  
"Fuck yes! Jesus christ I'm starving!"I shouted back as I realised just how long it had been since I had last eaten. I had had nothing to eat since prison. And their food wasn't exactly the best.  
"You wanna come with us?! We're getting chinese!"

"Yeah gimme a sec!"I yelled before standing up. I took one last look at my dusty bedroom, making a mental note to dust it, before racing downstairs,"What sort of chinese takeaways is open at three in the morning?"  
"The best one,"Miranda grinned.


	15. Love The Shop

1 year later.

Frank's POV

There was yelling going on outside the office. Everytime I tried to finish this stocktake, something would cause my headache to flare up and make the words blur in front of me. I wanted to go outside and tell them to shut the hell up but I just didnt have the energy. I closed my eyes and tried rubbing my temples, begging the headache to stop trying to split my head open.

"Fraaank,"Charlie was suddenly in here, closing the door behind him and looking at me like I was about to shatter into a million pieces.  
"What is it? What's all the yelling?"I sighed.  
"I know you're busy but um... I know you said not to mention them and to uh not let them play on the tv but uh he- he's asking to see you and I told him to leave you alone but he wont leave and he started yelling at me and now I dont know what to do,"He said in a rush.

"Who's asking to see me?"I asked slowly, already knowing exactly who it was.  
"G-Gerard... You dont have to see him Frank. I can tell him you're too busy and dont want to see him. You sit down and finish your work, I'll bring you a coffee yeah?"Charlie was standing in front of the door, blocking my way.  
"Charlie, I appreciate your concern but I'll be fine. I'm over him. Okay?"I smiled reassuringly and gently pushed him aside. I mentally braced myself and opened the door.

Gerard was leaning against the counter, his back towards me. Mikey and Ray were outside talking to him but when they saw me they told Gerard to turn around. Out of all the emotions running through me at that moment, embarrassment over how I looked hit me the worst.

My whole uniform was crumpled and covered in different powders and syrups, I had huge bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep which was purely my fault because I had decided to go out drinking again and had taken home yet another stranger.

Gerard however looked absolutely edible. He had tight black skinny jeans on, an elbow length shirt that looked like it belonged to a girl, and his hair was long and bright bright bright red. And then there was his smile. His beautiful smile that I had missed so much.

I had no idea why he was here. All I knew was that it was not a good thing. After all my hard work to get over him, I had been pulled right back to square one. If Miranda was here she would have started yelling at Gerard and told him to fuck off. Thats what I should be doing. He was the one who never tried to contact me.

"Hi Frank..."Gerard said nervously.  
"Fuck..."I breathed in deeply,"What do you want? I've sent you your stuff from my home..."  
"I-"Gerard looked taken aback,"We- we're in town for a show and I heard you had this place going so I thought that we'd come say hi. You know, see how you're doing?"He shrugged his shoulders at me like it was no big fucking deal.

"Well I was doing fine until you got here. Now, I'm not so sure,"I made myself say.  
"Oh I-"  
"I think what Frank really wants to say is fuck you for leaving him. Now, if you could do what you do best and,"Charlie made shooing motions with his hands,"You know, leave?"  
"Charlie-"

"Leaving you?"Gerard looked at me incredulously,"Excuse me, I did everything to try and contact you. I wrote you letters, I sent you fucking christmas presents and birthday presents and not once did you reply!"

"Everything? Really? Yeah, I wasn't thinking straight in prison but as soon as I started my last month, I started pulling through and I could see things clearer. When I got out, no one, fucking no one was there. You promised me you would be there for me Gerard. You, having gone through depression, you should know what it can do to someone when a promise like that is broken,"I glared at him.

"Yeah. I fucking do know what its like when someone you love to death fucking breaks an important promise and goes behind your fucking back to kill a bunch of people!"  
"Fuck you Gerard! I told you about how I was. You wanna know something else? I only got four fucking years because of a fucking mental problem that I'm still fucking dealing with!"That was a lie but I was too fucking angry to care,"Or did you not see that on the news cause you were too busy starting up your stupid fucking band to see?"

"No, I was in fucking prison! Jesus christ Frank! Get down off your high fucking horse and take a look around, you weren't the only one who was affected by all this! No wait,"Gerard's voice took on a sinister sound,"You're too short for a high horse. Better get your jester to help you down,"He glared, glancing at Charlie.  
"Oh thats really mature Gerard, revert to making jokes about my height and his hair. Smooth move, dickwad,"I clapped my hands in mock approval. My head was about to explode with how bad this headache was.

Gerard took in a deep breath and pulled something out of his jacket pocket, shoving it down onto the counter,"Goodbye Frank,"He turned around and walked out, grabbing Mikey's arm and dragging him down the street. Ray watched them awkwardly for a second before coming to the counter and saying,"We're releasing a song tomorrow. Gerard wrote it about you. I would give it a listen if I were you. Love the shop,"He smiled awkwardly before jogging out after Gerard and Mikey.

I closed my eyes, clenched my fists and took in a deep breath before relaxing completely. I picked up the photo frame and let a half sob escape. Gerard and I at Disneyland.  
"You okay Frankie?"Charlie asked, hovering next to me nervously. It was then that I noticed there were a few customers looking scared yet entertained.  
"Sorry about that everyone,"I smiled at them all before turning around and going back into the office,"Real sorry."

I moved my chair and carefully stood on it, placing the photo on the top shelf out of my reach as Charlie followed me in,"You okay? Do you want to go home? I can call Marcie in. I know she hasnt got any plans and would be happy to work once she hears what happened. We can handle this place."

I thought about it for a minute. I could do with a sleep,"Yeah actually that would be a great help. Thank you Charlie,"I smiled at him. He nodded and went back out front.  
"Jesus christ,"I sighed. That was not what I had been expecting today. I ran my fingers through my longish hair and took a deep breath. I couldn't let this affect me. I grabbed some invoices to go through, even though I knew right now I wouldn't get them done til tomorrow, and my phone. I needed to go home and take some aspirin then try and catch up on my sleep.


	16. A Wonderful Life

"Frank I wouldnt listen to it if I were you,"Miranda said seriously. She was leaning against the wall of the office as I tried to prepare myself to listen to a song I had a feeling Gerard had written about me.  
"I just want to hear it. I'll be fine,"I muttered and clicked [play](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gziiZhkIPMc). The video had lyrics beneath it so I had a look.

'I haven't thought of you for years you know. Your memory seems to come and go. Our time meant so much to me, now you cant be found.'

'You were the first to want me, the first to love me, the first to need me. Who was the last to know you, the last to love you, the last to hold you?'

'It's a wonderful wonderful life. (x3) Such a wonderful wonderful life.'

'I thought of you again today. Reminding me how with time I've changed. If you only knew what you gave to me. Now you cant be found.'

"And you were the first I trusted. I learned what love is, when we were just kids. When did you get so lost and how could you think you'd be better off?'

'It's a wonderful wonderful life. Why'd you have to say goodbye? It's a wonderful wonderful life. Such a wonderful wonderful life.'

'Thank you for those special moments. You will always be here in my mind. Did you know you changed my life? I'm thankful for that time. (x3)

'Its a wonderful wonderful life. Why'd you have to say goodbye. It's a wonderful wonderful life. I'm asking why but I'll never know.'

'It's a wonderful wonderful life. Why'd you have to say goodbye? It's a wonderful wonderful life. Such a wonderful wonderful life.(x2)

"Frank?"Miranda placed her hand on my shoulder softly but I was barely aware of it. I was too consumed with fucking something. It was so painfully obvious that this song was about Gerard and I and I could not deal with it.

"I- I'm fine,"I lied. I cleared my throat and closed the Youtube tab. I picked up my list and started entering stock I needed to order, crossing it off as I went. Miranda was still standing next to me with her arm on my shoulder.  
"Frank,"She warned.  
"Miranda I said I'm fine,"I shoved her hand off of my shoulder and continued what I was doing.

"You are so talking to us when you get home,"She sighed and left me alone. I dropped my pen and reopened the video, re-reading the lyrics about five or six times. Why the fuck would he do this? Go for a year without trying to contact me at all and then to suddenly show up wanting to know how I was the day before he releases a song about us? It wasn't fair. He was a douche bag for doing that to me.

I let out a groan and tried to continue my work but I was too wired. I was itching to go back and read the lyrics again but I had already analysed them too much. I turned off the laptop and moved my chair into the middle of the office and started spinning. I always felt better after doing this, apart from the dizzyness of course.I kept going and going until I felt like I was about to throw up. I stuck my hand out and grabbed the desk to stop myself.  
"Frank! We need help!"Miranda shouted through the door.

"Fuck. Coming!"I stood up and moved along the wall, trying not to focus on the spinning floor. When I got outside I saw there was a huge line of people and Miranda was struggling to make food and coffee at the same time. The new temp I had hired last week, Andrew, was about to crack under pressure. He was okay when there were only a few people but otherwise he was a waste of my money.

"Andrew help Miranda on food,"I walked straight to the till and took a quick glance at the order halfway done. I finished it off and almost had a fit at who the next customer was.  
"Ryan! Oh my god what are you doing here?!"I grinned. I raced around to the other side of the counter and tackled him in a hug,  
"My parents dragged me here for some sort of conference so I thought I'd come see if it was really you that owned this place,"He grinned at me. His hair was sort of spiked up in a mohawk and I immediately felt a weird feeling in my gut.

"Dude! How are you? What have you been up to?"I said as I moved back around.  
"Not much really. I was with the guys for the band for a bit but we're all taking a break for the christmas holidays,"He smiled awkwardly.  
"How come Brendon isn't here with you? And do you want to order anything? Cause I've got a bit of a line here,"I smiled sheepishly.

"Uhh give me the biggest sized mocha,"He smiled,"And Brendon and I aren't exactly together anymore,"He handed me five bucks but I shoved it back.  
"No you dont have to pay. And that sucks, once I'm through this rush I'll come and sit with you so we can catch up,"I smiled and put the order through. He thanked me and took a seat outside.

"Hi there, welcome to Frank's Coffee. How are you today?"I smiled brightly at the next customer, a grumpy looking old man.  
"Gimme an espresso,"He glared at me.  
"Yup. Sure thing. Is that to have here?"I smiled politely, feeling Ryan's eyes on me.

"Take away. And make sure its a double shot,"He snarled. He dropped two dollars forty onto the counter and shuffled away. I took in a deep breath and shoved the money in the till. As soon as I had dealt with the next three customers I went over to where Andrew was setting up plates.

"You doing okay?"I asked as I started helping him.  
"Yeah I think so. Still trying to remember everything is all,"He mumbled and grabbed a bowl of soup out of the microwave. In the next few minutes I had helped him clear the orders.  
"Hey can you make me a hazelnut latte once you're done?"I asked Miranda as I went out to sit with Ryan.  
"Sure thing Frank,"She winked at me as I walked out. Weird.

"Hi there, welcome to Frank's Coffee. How are you today?"Ryan mocked me.  
"Fuck you!"I punched him in the arm, blushing furiously,"Its important to give everyone a friendly greeting even if they are big dicks."  
"No you're right I'm sorry,"He smiled and took a sip of his coffee, sighing in relief,"Damn thats good. How's everything going here? You look like you're doing pretty good for yourself."

"Its fucking awesome man. Having people with tattoos or bright hair working for you doesnt make a difference to your business. Ninety nine percent of the time, people just want their coffee and thats it. They couldnt give a damn if a fucking penguin served them. Other places just suck."  
"Too right. How long have you had the place?"He asked as Miranda brought my coffee out.  
"Uhhh bout a year now. Profits are good. Everything's good,"I sighed happily and relaxed into my chair.  
"Wish I could say the same for my life,"Ryan said glumly.  
"Why's that? What's up?"

"Well, Brendon and I were having problems which caused problems with the band so Brendon and I agreed on just being friends and trying the band that way which didnt work so we all just took a break from each other for the christmas holidays. We meet up on nineteenth of january next year."  
"Dude that sucks. I know what would cheer you up. Come and meet my room mates!"  
"You have room mates?"

"After Mum died, I got her house. I obviously didnt get it til I was out of prison but when I was on the bus from Idaho I met these three girls who gave me the money to buy the shop and helped me clean the house up and now they work for me and live with me. Well one of them lives in LA but she stays with us every now and then,"I smiled. I looked behind me through the window to see Miranda cleaning.

"Miranda! Get out here and meet Ryan!"I grinned at her. She nodded and came outside.  
"Hey I'm Miranda,"She smiled.  
"Miranda this is Ryan. I used to live with his ex in Jersey and he was with me for the uh... fight... thing,"I grinned.  
"Nice to meet you. Frank can you help me for a second with the coffee machine?"Miranda asked sweetly.

"Sure thing. I'll be right back,"I smiled at Ryan and followed Miranda around the coffee. Instead of stopping at the machine she kept walking into the office.  
"What's up?"  
"Dont 'what's up' me,"She grinned,"Who is he? As soon as you saw him your whole face just lit up with happiness. I havent seen you that happy since you got your first customer."  
"Oh Miranda,"I scoffed.  
"Nahuh. Spill,"She moved in front of the door, blocking my path.

"Alright fine. When Gerard was in juvee for apparently killing Dean we sort of broke up and I had a bit of a one night stand sort of thing with Ryan... But it didnt mean anything at all okay? We're just good friends,"I sighed,"Can I please go back now?"  
"Just friends. Sure,"SHe smirked and stepped to the side,"Bring him back to the house okay? Marcie is definitely going to want to meet him,"She called.  
"Yeah whatever,"I shot back before rejoining Ryan.

"What was wrong with the machine?"Ryan asked.  
"Hmm? Oh just the coffee head's filter was stuck."  
"Right. No idea what that means,"He grinned and made my heart go flop. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no.  
"So how long are you here for?"I found myself asking.  
"Uhh three more days. Got here last night. I have to entertain myself for today, tomorrow and the day after before we leave lunchtime the day after that. Dad said we have to drive back for some quality family time,"Ryan grumbled, doing quotation marks in the air.  
"That sucks. Do you know anyone here?"  
"You."  
"Besides me.  
"Nope. So I'm going to be sticking to you like a... um... I dont know that saying. I'm gonna annoy the crap out of you for three days,"He winked at me. Jesus.

"Give me one second,"I jumped up and went back inside,"Miranda? Where are you?"  
"Out back,"She called. I went to the end of the counter and slid open the door to the food prep and dish washing area where Miranda was elbow deep in hot soapy water.  
"Hey where's Adam?"I asked, suddenly realising he was no where to be seen.  
"Uhh he's in the bathroom. What's up?"

"I'm gonna call Charlie in so I can go home. Okay?"I smiled at her.  
"Mmm hmm. By yourself?"She raised an eyebrow at me knowingly.  
"Yeah yeah whatever. What time do you want me to drive you to LA tomorrow? Cause I'm probably going to take Ryan out for drinks after he's seen the house and I dont wanna get too drunk if I'm taking you in the morning."  
"Oh no dont worry at all. We dont have to leave til the afternoon,"She smiled,"Go on. Get right roaring drunk so you dont remember. I'll call Charlie for you,"She shooed my away.

"Thanks Miranda!"I called and went back outside,"Right. I'm gonna show you my house and then we're going out for drinks,"I grinned at Ryan.  
"Awesome. I can wear my new vest,"He sculled the rest of his drink before following me down the sidewalk to my car.


	17. You Thinking What I'm Thinking?

"Dude your vest is awesome,"I said as Ryan walked out of the bathroom. Holy fuck he looked so hot. This was a bad road to go down. The fact that I was going to get drunk just confirmed what I wanted. Ryan's vest was red and was basically made of roses. It was fucking awesome and over the top of his crisp white shirt paired with his tight black skinny jeans, it made him look fucking gorgeous.

"Thanks dude. Mum got it for me the week after I came out to her,"Ryan grinned.  
"Thats pretty sweet. Do you know where she got it?"I asked as we started walking out to the car.  
"Absolutely no idea."  
"Guys?! Ryan and I are just going out for drinks okay! Dont wait up!"I yelled to the girls.  
"Okay Frank! Dont be loud when you come in! Have fun!"Marcie shouted back.  
"They're really nice girls. I cant believe they just gave you the money for your shop though. Its fucking insane,"Ryan said as we left the house and got in the car.

"I know right? I was literally stunned. And then they just decided to give me a lift home. Then they decided to help me clean and then they helped me open the shop up and next thing you know, we're all best friends and love each other.

-time lapse

"You're sooooo druunk!"Ryan giggled at me, throwing his head back and banging it against the back of the booth's seat.  
"Not as drunk as you,"I slurred, struggling to keep my unattractive laughter in.  
"Oh my god Mum is going to kiiiilll meeeeeeee,"Ryan giggled even more. He couldn't stop.  
"Yeah we really shouldn't have had so much to drink. But dont worry, you can stay at mine tonight... Fuck. I cant drive us home! Ooops!"And that was it. I could not stop laughing. It was the stupidest thing ever. I had fucking forgot that I needed to drive.

"Well sit. Pfffftttt did you hear me?! I went to say shiit but I said sit instead!"Ryan started cackling.  
"You dick,"I grinned,"Its gonna be okay though because I can call Melissa and get her to come and get us."  
"Who- who's Melissa?"Ryan asked, taking a huge sip on whatever it was he was drinking.  
"I- Miranda! Miranda! Not Melissa!"I smacked my hand against my head a little too hard,"Ow."

"Dude you are so drunk,"Ryan grinned at me.  
"Really? Cause I'm not the one who just knocked my drink over without realising,"I smirked, pointing to his overturned drink.  
"Dammit!"Ryan stared in dismay at his drink slowly spreading across the table,"Oh well. Come on, lets go get another one,"He jumped out of the booth and pulled me to my feet. Before I could register that I felt dizzy he was dragging me through the dancefloor.

"Ryan wait!"I shouted over the throbbing music.  
"What is it?"He yelled back.  
"Do you really think we should be getting another one?!"  
"What did you say?!"He moved closer so his face was right next to mine.  
I took in a gulp and said,"Do you really think we should be having another one?!"I moved away to look at him.  
He grabbed me and pulled me closer to him again,"We may as well have another one while we wait for Clarissa to pick us up!"

"Miranda!"  
"What?!"He looked at me confused as he started walking backwards through the thriving crowd. I gave up and started following him. For some reason the bodies were getting harder and harder to squeeze through. I reached the edge and stumbled out, almost falling over. Instead I fell onto someone standing at the bar.  
"Oh jesus I'm so sorry. Did I knock your drink over? I'll buy you a new one,"I rambled, trying to get myself to stand up straight. When the dude turned around, I recognised him.  
"You didn't knock my drink over cause I haven't got one. But you can sure pay for my next one,"Ryan grinned at me.

"Fuck off,"I smiled back. We both stared at each other as my vision slanted. I was about to fall over if I didnt do something. At the last second I grabbed at the bar on either side of Ryan, feeling slightly better now that I didnt feel like I was about to fall over.

That was a dumb move. Now I had Ryan trapped in front of me, staring at my lips. Something in the back of my head was telling me to stop. To move away. The last time I let myself get lost with Ryan, bad things had happened between Gerard and I.  
"Gerard and I arent together though. And neither are you and Brendon,"I said out loud without meaning to.  
"What?"Ryan asked, barely audible.  
"I- didnt mean to say that out loud,"I was doing my best not to look at his face. If I did, then I would probably regret what happened after that, but the alcohol was starting to take over, telling me neither of us would remember.  
"Frankie,"Ryan's hands were on my hips. I glanced down at them before dragging my eyes up his body, past his lips and up to his eyes and then I was gone. My mouth crashed against his, burning up at the familiar taste. And then everything went black.

-time lapse-

"Oh god. Oh god oh god oh my god,"I groaned and dragged my pillow over my eyes to block out the brightness. I lay there for a while, willing the room to stop spinning. Very slowly I pulled the pillow away from my eyes, blinking away the sick feeling. I slowly sat up and looked around. The first thing I saw was a glass of water and some aspirin on my bedside table. There was alost a note from Miranda telling me to enjoy waking up and to be ready by two.

I glanced at my clock and saw that I still had three hours to try and deal. The bed creaked beneath me as someone groaned next to me. Oh jesus, who did I take home last night? I carefully turned around to see Ryan, oh fuck, jump out of bed butt naked and run out.  
"Third door on the right!"I shouted and immediately regretted it,"Christ,"I gulped down the aspirin and water as a wave of memories hit me full on, causing my head to start throbbing.

Ryan came stumbling back in looking pale and exhausted,"What the fuck?"He fell down onto the bed and pulled the blanket over his naked body. Just the sight of it was bringing back a few images of me fucking him against the door.  
"Miranda's the one that lives in LA right?"Ryan croaked.  
"Mmm."  
"I like her. She left me aspirin and water and a note."

"Yeah she does that every time I get drunk. She's a fucking life saver,"I groaned and fell back down, letting my head thump back into my pillow.  
"So what the fuck happened last night?"Ryan asked quietly.  
"Uh..."  
"Hmm."  
"The last solid thing I remember is you dragging me through the dancefloor so you could get another drink,"I pinched the bridge of my nose as the nausea set in.  
"Yeah and then you fell on me. Then we kissed. Then I told you to call Miranda. Then we started making out. Thats the last thing I remember.

"Jesus christ. What the fuck is wrong with me?"I muttered.  
"I dont think I've ever gotten that drunk before. How did that even happen?"Ryan asked, bewildered. He rolled onto his side to look at me.  
"Oh dont worry. Its all my fault. You go out drinking with me, you get really drunk,"I smiled at him. There was a soft knock on the door.  
"Uh-"Ryan looked at me, about to freakout.  
"Come in,"I yawned.

"How're you guys doing?"Miranda asked quietly as she walked in.  
"Dont even ask,"I groaned and slid further under the covers, dying to go back to sleep.  
"You wanna know my part? I was woken up at three in the fucking morning by a phonecall from you telling me you were to drunk to drive and needed a lift. I turn up at the club twenty minutes later and I cant find you anywhere. Then I find you two making out in a booth. You both kept trying to make me have a drink with you,"Miranda gave me a look that I ignored.

"Oh man. I'm so sorry,"Ryan said,"I cant believe that even happened. Never in my life have I ever had so much to drink."  
"Obviously you've never gone drinking with Frank,"Miranda wouldn't stop staring at me.  
"Sorry Miranda,"I mumbled and avoided her knowing gaze.  
"Shit, I'm gonna call my Mum and tell her that I crashed at yours,"Ryan went to get out of bed but stopped and looked at Miranda,"Sorry but uh could you-"  
"Right, no problem. Sorry,"She smiled at him then winked at me before leaving.

Instead of finding his phone like I expected, Ryan turned back to me and said,"Frank I need to know what this is...?"  
"Uh-"  
"Because I dont want a- a relationship. Not that its you or-"  
"Oh thank christ. I am really in no place for a relationship of any sort,"A smile of relief broke out on my face.  
"But was last night a mistake?"  
"Um. I dont think it was a mistake exactly... Not like last time anyway. Because both of us are actually single so..."I trailed off, not daring to say what I wanted to.

Ryan was silent for a moment before saying,"I've still got two more nights here..."  
I cleared my throat and looked at him through my hair hopefully,"You thinking what I'm thinking?"  
Ryan grinned at me and nodded before moving closer to me on the bed and kissing me softly on the mouth.


	18. Liquid Courage

"Mmph-"I took my mouth off of Ryan's,"What time do your parents want to leave tomorrow?"  
"Fuck don't mention them right now. Probably twelve or one,"Ryan started mouthing kisses down my neck as his hands slid up my sides.  
"Good. You're staying at mine again tonight then,"I moaned as he started sucking on my collarbone.

"Way ahead of you,"He brought his mouth up to mine and smothered me, slipping his tongue in to slide against mine. Right now we were home alone in the lounge. The girls were all working and Miranda was back in LA for the next month. Ryan and I had the house to ourselves for a good three hours and we were going to make the most of it. One thing I was glad about was that I wasn't drunk for once, unlike the last three times.

"Should we be doing this here?"Ryan whispered as I started tugging his shirt up.  
"Probably not,"I paused,"But I dont want to move."  
"Neither. Forget I said anything,"He mumbled and finished taking his shirt off for me. My hands slid down his bare torso as I kissed him like I was dying for it. His fingers trailed lightly around my hips as our tongues slid against each other's.

"Hellooooo?"Someone called suddenly.  
"Mmph,"I sighed against Ryan's lips as we pulled apart, me licking my lips regretfully.  
"Oh for fucks sake,"I grumbled as Deandra walked into the lounge.  
"Oh. Sorry. Dont mean to interrupt but we need you down at the shop. There's an angry customer saying he wont leave until he speaks to the owner. He's really agressive and I dont want him to start getting physical,"She said seriously.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Well what's wrong?"I somehow detached myself from Ryan and stood up, doing my best to ignore my hard on.  
"I'm not sure he just brought his coffee back and asked if you were there and when we said that you werent he starting yelling,"Deandra said. I followed her outside to the car, yelling for Ryan to come with us.

-time lapse-

"Ryan do you just wanna take a seat or something? Get Deandra to make you a coffee. This shouldn't take too long though."  
"No problem,"He smiled and went away. I went over to where Charlie was standing in the doorway to outback looking upset.  
I went over to him and said,"How come you're workimg? Isn't it your day off?"  
"Marcie called me and asked me to work the afternoon for her. Said she felt sick or something,"Charlie muttered.

"Has he said anything?"  
"Not since we offered him another coffee. He told us to forget about it and that he'll wait for you in silence,"Charlie said without taking his eyes off the back of his head. I looked over and sighed.

"Better get this over with,"I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to sit down in front of a much younger guy than I had pictured. I had thought it would be some grumpy old man but it was in fact a young guy with shortish brown hair, green eyes and a nice looking face. Even when he was sitting I could tell that he was tall.

"Hi. I'm Frank Iero. I own this place. You wanted to speak to me?"I smiled politely at him.  
"You're Frank? Oh my god,"His voice was a lot lower than I had expected. It was smooth and silky sounding. It was probably perfect for singing.  
"Yes. I'm Frank."  
"My names Gabe. You dont know me but-"  
"Gabe... That name sounds familiar,"I said as it slowly wriggled around my brain, searching for the memory it came from.

"Really? Gerard said he didnt think he told you about me... Maybe Mikey did,"Gabe said thoughtfully.  
I stiffened, feeling all pleasantries disappear,"You know Gerard?"  
"Oh wow. You really dont want anything to do with him do you. I've never seen someone lose their kindness so fast,"He stared at me through long lashes.  
"What does he want?"I sighed.

"You. He doesn't know I'm here. None of them do. I became friends with Mikey and Pete before all that weird shit happened. I've stayed pretty close to them since and I know that they are all lost without you."  
"What do you mean?"I asked slowly, trying to ignore the pang of hopefulness inside my gut.  
"I mean, they hate the dude thats in the band in your place. They miss having you around. And Gerard is writing so many fucking songs about you its getting annoying,"Gabe sat back in his seat and folded his arms.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"  
"Call Gerard. Join the band. Come back to Jersey."  
"And what, leave all this?"I spread my arms out to gesture to the shop.  
"Why not?"Gabe shrugged his shoulders.

"Uhh maybe because I've spent a whole year building up the business. Maybe because my Mum's home is here? Maybe because my best friends live here with me? Maybe because I've got a life here that I love? Any of those making any sense?"  
"What about your home back in Jersey? And your friends?"  
"What fucking home?! I grew up in an orphanage you dick! The house I'm living in here was the first home I ever had. I dont have any friends left there. They've all moved on and away,"I glared at him. Who the hell did he think he was?

"Frank you have no idea how much you are needed back there. Gerard needs you,"He said quietly.  
I stood up and pointed to the door,"I'd like you to leave."  
"Frank-"  
"Now!"I glared at him, staring daggers into his back the whole journey from the seat to the door. As soon as he was gone I said,"Lock the door."  
"Frank are you okay?"Deandra asked softly. I ignored her and gripped the edge of the table to try and keep myself from falling.

"I need a drink,"I said finally. I pushed past Deandra and her concernd face to behind the counter. I reached under where I kept the Baileys and poured myself a glass,"Ryan you want some?"  
"Uh- sure why not,"Ryan shrugged his shoulders.  
"You guys can go home. I'll close up,"I smiled at Deandra and Charlie. They both looked at me, worry written all over their faces, before sighing and getting their crap and leaving.  
"Here we are,"I smiled at Ryan as I sat down in front of him and handed him his drink,

"So who was that guy?"Ryan asked and took a mouthful.  
"Oh. Just this guy from New Jersey. Friends with Gerard or something, I dont know,"I shrugged my shoulders and changed the subject,"So that was pretty frustrating. Deandra walking in on us.  
"God. Tell me about it,"Ryan groaned.  
"You wanna do it here?"I raised a daring eyebrow at him.

Ryan stared at me, a grin slowly pulling at the corners of his lips,"Are you sure? I mean its- its a place where food and drinks are served. Its a little unhygenic dont you think?"  
"Ever heard of an office? No customers go in there,"I grinned at him, enjoying the warmth the Bailey's was setting up in my stomach.

"Well then yes, I shall take you up on your offer. After a bit more to drink though. I'm fine with fucking in a bathroom, car or bedroom. But in such a public place I might need a bit more-"  
"Liquid courage?"I winked at him and went to get the bottle.


	19. I Just Did

"Oh fuck yeah- right- there,"I moaned beneath Ryan as he thrust into me. We were in the office, me sitting on the desk with my legs wrapped around Ryan's torso, and him standing in front of me with his dick up my ass. I could barely see straight with the amount of alcohol I had had. We had ended up finishing the Bailey's off and getting some vodka from the liquor store across the road.

"Oh fuck,"He panted, putting his forehead on my shoulder,"I'm gonna come- you- jerk yourself I cant- oh fuck."  
My hand closed around my dick and started flying up and down, making me shout out in pleasure,"Oh fuck oh my god Ryan."

With my free hand I brought Ryan's face up to mine and smushed my lips against his, slipping my tongue in and roaming around, tasting that amazing taste.  
"Mmph oh fuck Ryan!"I broke away as I came all over my hand and our stomachs.  
"Holy fucking christ,"Ryan moaned as my muscles tensed up around him and making him come.

We both rode out our orgasms before Ryan pulled out and leant against me, panting on my neck.  
"Fuck me,"I puffed out. I wiped the come from Ryan and I's stomach and wiped it on a tea towel in the washing basket nearby.  
"I just did."  
"Aye? Oh,"I chuckled slightly as Ryan peeled himself off of me and fell down into the chair.

It took some time before we actually put our clothes back on and went back out into the dining area, finishing off the last of the vodka mixed with warm orange juice because we had left it out in a rush to fuck.  
"You know I dont think I've ever had this much sex in a fucking week, let alone three days,"Ryan smirked at me.

"What can I say? You're just a fuck buddy to me and I was long overdue,"I sniggered. Ryan smiled at me weirdly,"Oh come on. We've been screwing two or three times a day for three days and now you get all feely?"  
"No no no. No way. But we- we are friends right? This hasn't stopped us from being friends aye?"  
"Are you kidding me? You're the best friend I've ever had,"I smiled reassuringly at him.  
"Ditto."

"If you're ever in San Diego again for three days or whatever... Dont be afraid to come see me. For hanging out and sex,"I winked at him and made him giggle that adorable laugh.  
"But, we both have to be single. Non of that cheating shit. That always ends badly,"He said as I slowly rested my head on my arms.  
"Right on man, right onnnnn,"I sighed and passed out.


	20. Were(n't) Meant To Be Together

1 year and 8 months later.

"Thank you, have a good day,"I smiled at the weird customer as I handed them their coffee. They grunted in reply and shuffled away,"Charlie will you please take over on coffee? I need to go do some paperwork."  
"No problem,"Charlie smiled at me from beneath his rainbow hair.

I untied my apron and hung it on one of the hooks by the office door. I went inside and sat down in my chair with relief. I had been making coffees all fucking morning and I was desperate for a break. I pulled out the sheets for the coffee bean orders and took one look at them before shoving them aside and putting my head in my hands. It was way too early in the morning for that shit.

I looked around the small room and sighed. This office always felt too small and sometimes the coffee smell gave me a headache. It was then I decided I was going to renovate it. I went to open the door but something caught my eye. I grabbed my chair and carefully stood on it to look at the shelf close to the roof.

"Holy fuck,"I whispered as I pulled down the photo frame that I hadnt seen in almost two years. I blew the dust off of it and felt the corners of my lips tug up slightly. It was the photo of Gerard and I at Disneyland. It had been our favourite picture together. Both of us had kept a copy by our bed. I sat back down as thoughts of Gerard popped into my head. The urge to check where he was right now itched at me but I brushed them aside. All it took was to go on their website and look at the tour dates. About three clicks.

There was a knock on the door, pulling me out of my thoughts. I pulled a drawer open and slipped the photo in there. I shut it and grabbed the invoices before calling Charlie in.  
"There's someone here to see you, the owner,"Charlie poked his head through the door.  
"Okay I'll be right out,"I smiled.

The insane idea that it was Gerard popped into my head. I jumped to my feet and dusted any stray coffee or chocolate powder from me and ran my fingers through my short hair before going out to see not Gerard but a blonde girl looking nervous as fuck.  
"Hi, I'm Frankie. I own this place. How can I help you?"I smiled down at her. She looked maybe two years younger than Lily?

Her hair was in plaits, hanging down her shoulders on either side, bright pink at the tips and she had bright blue lipstick on and black eyeshadow.  
"Hi. I'm Lisa Pike. I was wondering if you had any jobs available? I was told you were the only person in town that hires people with uhh different opions on hair colour?"She held out her resume and flashed me a wide smile.

"You've come to the right place,"I grinned and took her resume,"I was just thinking about hiring someone else. Whenever I need to do stupid paperwork we always seem to be short on staff. Fucking stupid. Do you have any experience with coffee machines?"  
"I know how to use one but not how to make coffees,"She said and followed me outside to sit at one of the tables.  
"How come?"I asked.

"Oh, my mum bought a coffee machine. We know how to use it but not how to make proper coffees. We just make them the way we like,"She smiled.  
"Ahh thats fine. Charlie can teach you how to pour. What about people skills. You good with people?"I watched her face for a reaction.

"If someone gives me shit for a stupid reason then I'll kindly tell them to get fucked. But otherwise I can give them a smile and a coffee,"Lisa sniggered as a huge woman walked past in a sparkly pink latex cat woman suit. I fought back a snort and quickly looked away.  
"Is she gone?"I said, my voice quivering with laughter.  
"Hold on- yup. Laugh away,"She giggled.

"Oh my god! What the hell?!"I burst out. I couldnt stop laughing. As my laughter died down, the song playing over the speakers reached my ears. My back stiffened and I spun in my seat to find Charlie busy making coffee. He glanced up and saw my stricken face and mouthed a sorry.  
"Lisa, I would love to hire you. Right now I need to go and do some stuff so I will call you in an hour,"I smiled and stood up.  
"Really? Thats awesome! Okay well I'll be waiting. It was awesome to meet you Frankie,"She shook my hand and took off to a car where a woman was waiting in the car.

I waved at them and went inside, clenching my fists as the song continued playing. I refused to look up at the tv. I wasnt gonna do it. I did not want to see him. This was the very reason that photo had been up on the shelf where I couldnt reach it.  
"... Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you,"He sang.  
"Fuck,"I muttered. I somehow fought the urge to run away with my fingers in my ears. I breathed out a sigh of relief as the sound of infomercials reached my ears thanks to Charlie.

I did not want to see Gerard singing about me. I had managed to get around that song. For the three months it had been out, becoming a hit from day one. I had heard the beginning of it and some other part but that was it. I had made sure that pictures of the video never reached my eyes. Whenever it came on tv I changed it immediately. Gerard and I werent meant to be together. No matter what he did, nothing would change my mind.

"Sorry about that. My milk was playing up and I couldn't reach the remote,"Charlie said as I came around the counter and took look at the orders he had.  
"Nah dont worry about it. Its just a song,"I muttered as I started loading shots for him.  
"True... Large white chocolate mocha take away?!"He called. A woman in her forties stood up from a near by table and stared at us.  
"Is that her?"I asked quietly as I loaded the coffee heads.  
"Yeah... I think she wants me to take it to her..."Charlie slowly set it down on the raised platform for take away drinks and started steaming more milk.

We continued working through the coffees silently, muttering a few words about the drinks every now and then but still, the woman stood there. After five minutes of standing, she walked over and stared at us,"Is my coffee ready? I've been waiting rather a long time."  
"Large white chocolate mocha?"I smiled brightly at her.  
"Yes."  
"Oh thats it right there in front of you. We called it out before but I dont think you heard us. Have a good day!"I smiled even wider and turned my back on her to start making a frappe.

After a second Charlie came over to me, giggling his face off,"She looked so pissed off dude. That was hilarious."  
"Good. I dont want her back in here. If she think's we've got time to be delivering take away drinks then she is fucking insane,"I smiled as I squirted whipped cream on top and popped a straw in. People sucked sometimes.


	21. So Happy

"Frank there's a letter for you!"One of the girls called when I walked in the door.  
"Where is it?"I groaned and dumped my jacket and keys by the door.  
"Right here,"Vicky jumped through the lounge doorway and held a small black envelope out to me.  
"What is it?"I took it from her and looked at the front. In sparkly white curly writing was my name and address but nothing else.  
"I dont know dude why dont you open it and find out?"Vicky shrugged her shoulders and went back into the lounge.

I stared down at it, suddenly wary of what it might contain. I went into the lounge and sat down next to Vicky who was watching a show about two brothers and demons or some shit. When I sat down she paused it and turned to watch me open the mysterious envelope.  
"I'm hiring a new girl. She came in today with her resume,"I said as I carefully broke the seal.  
"Really? I didn't think we needed someone else,"Vicky said as I pulled out a silver card.  
I read it aloud,"Frank. Your ass better be in Jersey on the 7th of april til the 11th of april for Lindsay Bellato and Patrick Stump's wedding otherwise they'll be pissed. Call us for details. Lots of love, the happy couple... Oh. My. God."

"What? Who are they?"Vidky snatched the card out of my hands and read it herself.  
"That is my old music teacher and my old art teacher! Holy fuck! I knew they would get married! Ha!"I clapped my hands, feeling happiness bloom in my stomach like a slow explosion. And then I froze. The explosion froze as well. It started shrinking as my face slowly dropped, every happy thought I had a second ago had disappeared and now all I could think of was Gerard.  
"I cant go... He'll be there and it will be over his birthday and they'll all be there but fuck I cant miss it, they'll kill me but he'll be there what the fuck am I supposed to do? Shit!"I smacked my hand against my head. When the fuck did I start pacing?

"Frank calm down. Just call them,"Vicky shoved the card at me and stared at me. I took the card from her and looked down at it. I could just pretend I never got the invitation.  
"Dont even think about pretending you never got this. You have to go,"Vicky jumped up and wrapped her arms around my waist. At first it felt like she was groping my ass but before I actually realised what she was doing, she had my phone out of my back pocket and the invitation and she was dialling the number.

"No! Wait!"I darted after her as she ran into the dining room, through to the kitchen then out into the foyer,"Vicky come on!"  
"Hi! I'm Vicky, Frank's friend. We just got your invitation and I'm calling on Frank's behalf to say that he'll be there,"Vicky smiled down the stairs at me.  
"I hate you,"I sighed and started walking up them to get my phone back.  
"Yup he's right here. I'll pass him on,"Vicky poked her tongue out at my glare as she handed my phone back.

"Hello?"  
"Frank! Its Patrick!"  
"Mr Stump!"At the sound of his voice I immediately relaxed.  
"Who's Vicky?"  
"Ugh, the worst person in the world,"I sat down on the step I was on and looked back down at the invitation.  
"Sounds like it. So anyway, the wedding is on the 9th and the celebration starts on the 10th and finishes when we go on our honeymoon at midnight on the 11th. Think you can make yourself free?"  
"Mr Stump thats next month. I cant really leave the shop for that long and I dont want to see-"  
"Gerard? Oh no he's not coming. None of the guys are. They have a festival to play at in England so they cant make it,"He cut over me.

I tried to ignore the mix of relief and sadness seeping through me at that,"I'll uh... I'll see what I can do,"Lisa suddenly popped into my head. I really did need to hire someone else then.  
"Oh, you've got a plus one as well. So bring someone cool. And stop calling me Mr Stump. Its weird now. I'll see you next month!"  
He hung up before I could tell him maybe.

"Didn't mean to eavesdrop but your phone is really loud and so are you. Can I be your plus one?"Someone said behind me.  
I turned around and smiled at Miranda. She had driven down at midnight last night and had been sleeping until now. She was standing at the top of the stairs in her bear onesie and she looked really cute.  
"I dont know if I'm going,"I said and stood up to go to my room.

"Oh bullshit. Look, I'll come with you and keep you company. Its not even like the guys are going to be there,"She watched me as I went into my room, aka Mum's old room. I hadn't wanted to stay in my room. Not with the memories of Gerard.  
"Fine I'll fucking go!"I shouted through my door. I heard Miranda chuckle as she stumbled downstairs. With a groan I flopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. My head rolled to the side and I stared at the photo of me, Mum, Lily and Claire. I had no memory of the photo ever being taken but we all looked so happy.  
Where the fuck were Claire and Lily?


	22. Come With Us

There was a knock on my door and I froze.  
Deandra opened the door,"Frank what do you want- are you going somewhere?"  
"I'm going to Washington,"I turned my back on her and shoved some underwear in my bag before zipping it shut.

"What? Now? Are you crazy?"Deandra walked in properly and stood between me and my duffel bag. I stepped around her, grabbed my bag and walked over to my door.  
"I'm going to find Lily and Claire okay?"

"Frank I thought you didn't know where your Nana lived,"Deandra followed me out and down the stairs.  
"I found a picture in Mum's stuff. She's outside a bank with Nana Kat. I can at least find the town they'll be in."

"Frank thats ridiculous! I thought you had accepted that you couldn't see them!"  
"So did I. Charlie and Miranda are in charge of the shifts for the next three days. Make sure one of them gets a contract for the new girl, Lisa. I'll call you guys!"I slammed the front door and before anyone could stop me I got in my car and screeched out of the driveway.

My phone started ringing straight away as I headed to the highway. I ignored it. Staring at that picture was probably a big mistake but it had prompted me to look at more photos of Mum. The one of her when her Mum and Dad had just been approved for a loan or whatever. She looked so cute. In the background it said what branch the bank was. I was heading to Odessa Lincoln.

-time lapse-

I stared up at the ceiling of this shabby hotel room. I had absolutely no idea where to start. Upon arriving in Odessa, I had found my way to the bank. It had been torn down a few years ago and rebuilt across the street. In its place was the hotel I was currently checked into. When I had walked in, the cute guy at the reception had hit on me like crazy. I had pretended not to notice.

Now that I was here, with no idea where to start and no idea where to go, I was starting to regret it. The only reason I wasn't driving back to San Diego was the picture of us when we looked really happy. I looked down at my phone and sighed. It was almost dinner time. May as well go and find food. I grabbed my keys and wallet and left my room, making sure the door was locked.

Downstairs, the cute guy was gone. In his place was a grumpy looking old woman. I pulled my sunglasses on and walked outside. Despite the sun setting, it was still boiling hot. I took my jacket off and started walking down the road in search of some place to eat.

Halfway down the street my eyes fell onto a bar and restaurant. It had okay prices and it looked nice enough so I went inside. It wasn't too busy so I found a secluded seat in the corner and looked over the menu.

"Excuse me sir,"A waitress appeared at my side with a beer.  
I looked up at her, wondering what she wanted.  
"Courtesy of the gentleman at the bar,"She smiled and sat down. I looked over and saw a ridiculously attractive guy smiling at me from the bar. He had dark brown hair and even from here I could see his sparkling blue eyes.  
"I uh- thanks,"I smiled at him then at the waitress.

-time lapse-

"So what brings you to Odessa?"The attractive guy from the bar smiled at me.  
"I'm looking for my sisters,"I smiled back, silently begging him not to go down this road. Half an hour after I had finished a caeser salad without the chicken and bacon, the guy from the bar had bought me another drink. Me, having finished my third drink by then, had invited him to come sit with me.

Now, we were both very drunk and giggling like we were best friends over nothing. I only knew his name, Castiel, and that he liked dick. We hadnt talked about much. Just told stupid jokes. He made fun of me for being from New Jersey, saying that I had that out of town look when I walked in.

"Really? Where'd you leave them?"He smirked.  
I cracked up, clutching my stomach at the pains of laughing too much,"I left them at my Nana's house about eight years ago and haven't seen them since."  
"And you've been looking for them all this time?"He laughed.  
"No I've been-"I stopped just in time. I wasn't too drunk to know that telling him I went to prison for killing 7 people would scare him off.

"You've been what?"He asked me patiently, watching me closely. Very lightly, his knees bumped mine under the table.  
"I've been working,"I amended myself,"I own a coffee shop in San Diego."  
"Really? That's awesome,"He smiled even wider at me, his knees knocking mine again.

I was about to say something about needing to get back to my motel but his foot was suddenly on my crotch and all thought fled my mind. I closed my eyes and cleared my throat before looking at him,"Wanna get out of here?"  
"God yes,"He grabbed his wallet and threw down two fifties before I could stop him. In a flash we were walking out and heading towards my hotel.

It took us two minutes to get inside the elevator. As soon as the doors dinged closed he was against me, his mouth moving against mine as his knee pressed between my legs. I slipped my hands underneath his shirt and moved them across his smooth hard stomach. His tongue slipped into my mouth and slowly moved his hand that wasn't in my hair down.

"Oh fuck,"I moaned into his mouth as he palmed me through my jeans. The door dinged open suddenly and caused us to jump apart violently. It was the cute receptionist. He was standing with his mouth open, staring at us with a look of pure jealousy. And he was hard.

I cleared my throat and straightened my jacket to try and break this ridiculously awkward silence. He shut his mouth and stepped into the lift silently. Castiel was standing next to me, staring at the ceiling. It occurred to me right then that all three of us were hard. I tried my best not to, my absolute utter best not to, but the alcohol was staring to really take over so I laughed. I laughed so fucking hard.

"Frank what are you laughing at?"Castiel's eyes snapped to mine. The cute receptionist, whose name tag read Max, was staring at me.  
"I- we- we're all fucking hard,"I cackled. Castiel looked stricken for a second before cracking a smile. Max started giggling as well.

The next words that came out of my mouth shocked me to the bone. I knew I would regret it in the morning if Max said yes but right now, the alcohol was talking through my hard dick and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Come with us."  
Castiel froze next to me, his eyes darting between me and Max. Max's mouth was opening and closing before he cleared his throat and said,"Fuck yes. Okay."  
"Awesome,"I let out a shaky breath and grinned at Castiel who grinned back.


	23. Alcohol Abuse and One Night Stands

I opened my eyes and shut them straight away. The room was spinning. My right arm was numb, my legs were numb, and my ass was killing me. I opened one eye and looked to my right to see a guy that looked vaguely familiar lying on his stomach on my arm. He was naked like me. I looked down and saw a long lump lying across the both of our legs. I very slowly pulled the blanket up and revealed a pair of feet.

"Fuck..."I sighed and started sliding my arm out from underneath the guy. I must not have done it carefully enough though because he opened his eyes and cracked a half smile half grimace before rolling off of me and onto his back.

"Sorry,"I muttered. I looked down again and, despite the fact that I had no idea who this guy was, I quietly woke him up, dragged him up so his head was on the pillow and he wasn't causing our legs to die. He mumbled a thanks and fell straight back to sleep. rolled over so my back was facing him and pulled the blankets over us all before snuggling down and closing my eyes to try and sleep away this hangover.

-time lapse-

When I woke up again, the guy in the middle had his arms wrapped around my waist and his face buried in my neck. I enjoyed the feeling of having someone else's warmth wrapped around for a minute before his name popped into my head. I banished the thought and pulled myself out of the guys arms.

My head wasn't hurting as badly as it had been however many hours ago so I was able to drag myself out of the bed completely to stagger into the bathroom.  
"Oh shit I'm sorry,"I stumbled backwards into the doorway when I found a guy hunched naked over the toilet seat.

"Nah nah its fine,"He coughed and managed to make himself look at me after spitting into the toilet,"I just had a lot to drink last night is all."  
"Yeah I'm sorry about that I have this habit of-"  
"Dude dont worry about its complete- oh fuck,"He turned away from me and started hurling into the toilet bowl.

I cleared the bile out of my throat and went back into my room and fell down onto the small couch in the corner. The guy who had been cuddling me was sitting in my bed looking like he was dying.

"What the fuck even happened last night?"He looked over at me as the guy in the bathroom stumbled out.  
"I'm not sure... I'm disgusted in myself to say that I cant even remember either of your names I'm so sorry,"I groaned and put my head in my hands.

"I'm Max,"The guy fromt the bathroom said.  
"Castiel,"The guy in the bed said and fell down onto his back with a groan. There was a flash of me standing over him while Max kissed my neck behind me but I shoved it away straight away.  
"I'm Frank,"I muttered.

"So uh- as much fun as last night was- if I could just remember it that is- I need to get back to my girlfriend,"Max said suddenly, scooping clothes from the floor and pulling them on in a rush.  
"Girlfriend?"  
"Yeah I- I'm bi. We got into a fight when I finished work yesterday and I ended up getting drunk. Last night I was going to come here where the cute guy I flirted with was staying,"He muttered, turning his back on us as he pulled his shirt on.

"Well good luck man,"Castiel sighed.  
"Yeah uh- sorry if we get you into trouble or whatever,"I muttered.  
"No dont be sorry its completely my fault okay I'm just gonna try and make things right. Thanks for a fun night guys,"Max nodded at me before leaving.

"I'm gonna take a shower,"I decided out loud. I grabbed clean clothes from my bag and locked myself in the bathroom,"There's some aspirin in my bag!"I called through the door. I turned the shower on and forced myself to get in straight away.

The shock of the cold water on my back felt amazing. Even though there was mould in all the cracks of the tiled wall, the roof was rotten with damp, and the water was a pathetic dribble, it still felt like the best shower I'd ever had. I closed my eyes and moved my head into the water stream as Miranda suddenly popped into my head with those knowing eyes. I shook them away as there was a knock on the door.

"Uh- yeah?"  
"I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?"Castiel called through the door.  
Inwardly I groaned. Why couldnt he just get dressed and go? "Uh yeah sure. A- a hazelnut latte I guess."  
"Alright I'll be back soon,"He said. A few seconds later I heard the door shut.

Five minutes later I was out of the shower and calling Miranda.  
"Frank? What's wrong? Where the hell are you? Deandra called me yesterday to say that you had gone to Washington to find Lily and Claire. What the fuck!"She shouted at me straight away. Fuck.

"Miranda I'm sorry but I needed-"  
"You needed to just leave without telling anyone? I bet if Deandra hadn't walked in then you wouldn't have fucking told anyone! Frank,"He tone softened,"I know you miss them and I know you want to see them again but you cant just leave like that."

"Yeah okay. Look I know I should have thought it through but I'm here now,"I sighed and stood next to the window, looking down onto the busy street.  
"That Lisa girl is in today. She's really good. You need to try her coffee when you get back because its really good,"Miranda sighed. I could hear the noise of the shop in the background.

"Really? Thats good. Anyway Miranda I did a bad thing,"I groaned as the reason for my calling her walked inside the hotel down on the street.  
"Last night?"  
"Yes. I went to go get dinner and this guy bought me a drink and then suddenly we're drinking together and we both got drunk and I swear I did not want to take him back to the hotel I swear to you but he was too perfect. I woke up this morning and there were two guys in my bed and I just dont know anymore..."

Miranda was silent for a moment before she yelled,"What the fuck is wrong with you Frank?!"  
"I don't know I just-"  
"You know what? I do know what's wrong with you Frank. You have a hole in your heart. You have been trying to flood it with booze and guys that you never remember but its not working because deep down you know that there is only one thing that can fix it Frank. I've been trying not to say anything for so fucking long but this is getting fucking ridiculous. You need-"

I hung up as Castiel walked in the door holding two coffees and a bag of food,"Uh hey."  
"Hey. I got some muffins,"He smiled widely and shook the bag slightly.  
"Awesome,"I moved from the window and threw my phone in the direction of my bag just as it started ringing.

Castiel watched me as he handed me my coffee. I muttered a thanks and turned my phone off. He pulled out a chocolate muffin and sat down on the couch.  
"So uh... Last night..."I sat down on the bed and took a small bite of my muffin.

Castiel cleared his throat and said,"Frank I really like you but I can tell that you aren't in any place for a relationship or anything at all really."  
"I- what?"I looked over at him. He looked nervous.  
"I'm guessing you dont remember much of last night?"He sat his muffin down and looked at me seriously.

"I- no. Not really no,"I looked away, embarrassed, and sculled some of my coffee, enjoying the burning sensation in my throat.  
"When you started getting really drunk you wouldn't really stop. As soon as you finished a drink you would get another one. You kept going on about some guy and how you get worse than him when you drink or whatever."

I nodded and continued staring at the floor. Unable to face the truth of what he was saying.  
"You wouldn't tell me who the guy was. Then you said something about how much you needed him. Thats the last I can remember..."  
"I have a habit of getting people drunk when I drink... Sorry,"Was all I said. He nodded and looked away.

I closed my eyes and tried to process what Castiel had told me and what Miranda had been trying to tell me. I didn't want to face it. I had done so well in not letting it get to the front of my mind. But there was nothing I could do about it now. Three years of alcohol abuse and one night stands would not stop me from missing Gerard.


	24. The Right One

It's been a week since I arrived in Odessa. Castiel had left after I had yelled at him for trying to talk about who the 'guy' was. Since then I had found out how many high schools there were and had started waiting outside them when the students got out. If I didn't see Claire come out then I would go in and ask if she was enrolled there. I had ben to three different high schools. Only one had refused to tell me. Right now I was waiting outside the last high school in Odessa and so far I hadn't seen Claire yet.

During the day I had driven around everywhere. Down all the streets I found but I could't find Nana Kat's house and I hadn't seen Lily working anywhere. As the students started thinning out, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out with a sigh and looked down. It was Vicky.

"Frank I- he- they- and Dean! And Cas! And the tablet!"Vicky sobbed into my ear suddenly.  
"Vicky what's wrong? Why are you crying? What happened?"  
"Frank everything I'm about to say right now is not going to make any sense to you at all but I'm going to pumch myself repeatedly if I cant explode to someone!"Vicky cried.  
"I- okay. Lemme have it,"I sighed. I knew what this was. She had done it once before to me and three times to Deandra.

"The episode of Supernatural finally aired and I died because of Megstiel and then the moment between Cas and Dean when Dean almost died at Cas' hand but Cas fought against Naomi and then Dean told Cas he needs him which is like the fucking equivilent of Dean saying I love you so it was a big thing and they were fucking holding hands okay? Do you understand the feelings that gave me like actually? And then Cas fucking fought against Naomi again and won and then he left with the angel tablet and Cas and Dean and Meg died and Crowley fucking- fuck!"

I didnt even need to have the phone at my ear for that. She was crying so loudly.  
"You done?"I put the phone back to my ear as I crossed the road to go into the school.  
"Yeah uh sorry. There was no one else around and I thought if I called you I could ask you how the search was going afterwards. So hows the search going?"

"Really good actually. I've acted like a pedophile at every high school looking for Claire. I'm at the last school right now."  
"Yeah Miranda told me what you were doing. So you think its the one that refused to answer you?"  
"Yup. Every other school believed me when I said I was her brother and just searched it up in the system. Complete slackers really. Hold on."

"Can I help you?"The sweet looking old lady in the receptionist smiled up at me.  
"Hi, yeah my family moved here from San Diego a few years back without me and I'm supposed to be picking up my little sister today but I forgot the name of her school,"I smiled sheepishly and looked away, willing the blush to get stronger. It did.

"And you think this might be her school?"The lady asked, clicking about on her computer.  
"Yeah. Is there any way you could just check to see if she's in the system? Because my Mum will kill me she finds out,"I chuckled.  
"Of course, no problem sweetie. Whats her name?"  
"Claire Iero,"I smiled down at her gratefully.

"Alright, let me see... Nope. No Claire Iero in here. Sorry,"The lady looked at me sadly.  
"No no thats fine. I'm sorry for wasting your time,"I smiled widely at her and started backing away.  
"Good luck!"She waved at me as I turned around and put my phone to my ear.

"Not there?"Vicky sniffed.  
"Nope... You've been crying again havent you,"I sighed as I walked to my car.  
"Yeah,"She sniffed even louder.  
"Right well I'm gonna head back to my hotel. Tomorrow I'm going to stalk the school that refused to answer me."

"Dont get yourself in trouble okay? And come back soon. Mirandas starting to crack under the pressure."  
"Yeah I know. Tell her I'm sorry and that I'll be back in a week or less. Actually just tell her I'll call her tonight,"I sighed as I stared at the steering wheel.

"Alright Frankie. Be safe. Love you,"Vicky said sadly.  
"Yeah you too. Bye,"I hung my phone up wtith a groan and dropped it into the passenger seat. I started my car and pulled away from the curb.

The shortest route was blocked by roadworks so I had to basically drive halfway across town to get onto the main road that my hotel was on. The new route took me close to the school that had refused. As I drove two streets over from it, I saw two young girls step out of an alleyway.

The shorter of the two was laughing hard. The other was grinning. A lip ring shone in the sun as she grinned at her friend. She had a guitar case on her shoulders. Her long black hair shone brightly like her lip ring. I tore my eyes away from them and stopped at the zebra crossing just in time. And then the two girls started crossing the crossing. I stared at the taller one. Her smile. The way she walked. The fucking lip ring in exactly the same place that mine used to be.

As they crossed the shorter one waved a hand in thanks to me, the taller one barely glancing at me as she continued telling the shorter girl a story. A car beeped their horn behind me, alerting me to the fact that I was still stationary. I forced myself to drive forward and pull up against the curb.

The two girls were getting away. I pulled into a driveway once the cars had passed me, and turned around. The only thing stopping me from getting out and calling to her was the fact that it might not actually be Claire. She was turning fourteen this year so I really had no idea of exactly what she might look like but this girl, there was something about her that rendered me incapable of stopping.

I slowed down as I got closer to the girls. The shorter of the two glanced behind me briefly before saying something to her friend. They both started walking faster. The next second they were walking up a path to a small house. I stopped the car and stared as they suddenly ran to the front door. Shit, they thought I was a fucking pedophile or rapist or whatever.

The door opened before they reached it and someone who I had not expected to see at all, was standing there, ushering the girls in. Both the girls darted in the doorway and just as the door was closing, she looked out.

"Fuck- Claire,"I found myself saying. In a second I was out of the car and going up the path. I knocked on the door impatiently. There was some muffled talking before the door finally cracked open.

"Frank?"The door opened wider and Castiel looked at me with completel utter confusion.  
"Uh hey Castiel,"I smiled awkwardly.  
"What-"Castiel took a step outside and closed the door behind him,"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Look this is gonna sound really weird and wrong and just- please I need to see her,"I could feel the anguish taking over. Claire was right behind that fucking door. I closed my eyes tried to ignore the dizzy feeling but it was too much. I opened my eyes in time to see the ground rush up to meet me.

-time lapse-

There was something soft underneath me. I was lying on a bed or couch of some sort. Slowly, the rest of my senses came back, the pain in my head slamming into me.

"And he just fainted?"A woman said quietly.  
"Yeah I dont know what the hell happened. He just said he needed to see her then fainted."  
That was Castiel. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a sweet little living room covered in floral patterns. Castiel was in a suit, sitting on a chair next to a woman in a floral dress.

The patterns and smell of actual flowers was giving me a headache,"Oh jesus. What- what happened?"I groaned.  
"Frank? You okay buddy?"Castiel was suddenly next to me, his hand on my arm.

"I think so,"I slowly sat up and winced as my head hurt even worse,"What happened? Where am I?"  
"You turned up outside my house and fainted,"Castiel stood up and took a step back, folding his arms. And then I noticed the ring on his left finger.

"You- your-"I opened my mouth to confirm that he was married but he beat me to it.  
"Yeah I work with you. Was just telling Samantha, my wife here that you're new at the office. The boss's new assistant.  
"Right right. I uh-"

"Look, Frank,"Samantha looked at me sympathetically,"I know you've hit your head and must be going through some things but- my daughter and her friend said you followed them from around the corner here and I just want to know if they're telling the truth or not."  
"I- yeah I- I followed them but its not what you're thinking,"I stood up suddenly, it all coming back.

"I- Castiel did the- you remember in that meeting when the boss introduced me? And how I said I was looking for my little sister?"I looked at him seriously. He blinked before it clicked.  
"Yeah do you think- is that your-"  
"Yes! I saw her and I just had to know for sure,"I smiled.

"Cas, sweetie, if that was his little sister up there dont you think she would have recognised him?"Samantha looked at Castiel meaningfully. She didnt trust me.  
"She didnt see him. It was Gabby that actually saw him. I didnt let them see him when he had fainted,"Castiel said as he moved to a door. He opened it to reveal what looked like an entryway.

"Gabby! Can you guys come down here please!"He called. The nerves pricked at my skin, making me sweat. This horrible panic and nausea started gripping at my lungs, squeezing tightly so I felt like I couldn't breathe.

There was some stomping down the steps as the two girls came down, giggling about something. I knew that fucking giggle. It was as if time itself froze. Claire had been living without me for 8 years. Did I really want to just turn up in her life again? The last time she saw me I had killed someone at our fucking mothers funeral. If I suddenly showed up in her friend's living room, she was gonna flip a shit. The footsteps were getting closer. I had to make a decision right then and I had to make sure it was the right one.


	25. Claire Iero

"No I cant- I-"I looked around in an even bigger panic before.  
"What is it Dad?"Gabby was standing in the doorway. Claire must have been just to the side.  
"Uh-"Castiel glanced at me before slamming the door in his daughters face suddenly.  
"What the heck Dad?!"Gabby shouted through the door.

"I cant do it. I havent been in her life for 8 years I cant just barge in now I mean the last time I saw her was our mothers funral and- fuck,"I started spinning around, looking for a place to hide because Gabby wasn't leaving. She was pounding on the door.  
"Just a second honey!"He called.

"Frank, this is your little sister. If you make this decision, you've got to make sure its the right one. Because you cannot walk in and out of a little girls life constantly because you're not sure if you made the right decision,"Samantha looked at me seriously.

Gabby had stopped pounding on the door. There was a second of silence before she asked,"Is that guy named Frank?"  
"Shit,"I hissed.  
Castiel looked at me for confirmation. I took in a deep breath and nodded.  
"Uh yeah there is honey..."

There was silent for a moment before Gabby shouted out in pain and the door rattled in Castiel's hand.  
"Let me in there!"She screeched. Castiel took a deep breath before opening the door.

Claire must have been leaning on the door because she fell down into the room at my feet. I was completely frozen. Her eyes were on my shoes. Then they slowly travelled up until she reached my face.

"Fr- Frank?"She grabbed a hold of my leg and pulled herself to her feet. I was still frozen, unable to speak or move. I was screaming at myself to do something.  
"Claire do you know him?"Gabby walked in, rubbing her arm.

"I-"Claire stared at me for a second before grabbing the hem of my shirt and yanking it up to see my chest.  
"Claire! Oh my god!"Gabby cackled.  
"Holy mother of god,"Claire took a step back, letting my shirt drop back down to cover my tattoos.

"I- I- uh-"A strangled noise came out of my mouth. Claire was actually in front of me. After 8 years of not seeing my baby sister who I loved with all my heart, she was standing in front of me and I was fucking frozen.

"Fuck its actually you Frank!"She screeched suddenly. In a flash I was staggering backwards as she hugged me. The warmth of her wrapping herself around me pulled me out of my daze.  
"Claire,"I choked out. I fell to my knees and held her closely, feeling the tears start pouring out of my eyes.

I don't know much time passed as we hugged. Enough for Castiel to quietly tell Gabby to go back upstairs, Samantha and Castiel following her.  
"Frank what the hell happened to you?"Claire whispered finally. I let go of her and looked at her face, memorizing every single detail about her.

Her hair was longer and died black now. Her eyes looked more fierce instead of innocent like they used to be. She had been through a lot since she was younger, a lot of it probably happened in the 8 years of me not knowing her. She was about as tall as Lily was at her age, just below my shoulders. She had a short skirt on and a Green Day t-shirt. At the sight of it I broke down again.

"Frank it's okay. It's all gonna be okay,"She whispered and pulled me into another hug. 9 years ago, it was me comforting her. Me telling her not to worry about a thing. Me hugging her and making sure she felt safe in my arms. And now she was the one taking care of me.

"Claire I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry,"I sobbed onto her shoulder.  
"It's okay Frankie. It's okay. You don't have to apologise,"She whispered.  
"No but I do,"I sniffed, somehow managing to bottle up the extremely demanding emotion of 'she's fucking here' so I could deal with the questions she most likely had.

"Frank. Lily explained things to me. When Nana Kat told us you were all dead, we both cried but afterwards, Lily told me that Nana Kat was lying to protect us. She told me to keep it a secret. I wasn't allowed to watch tv for a while after that but Lily told me everything that was happening. She told me who the guy was that you shot at Mum's funeral. She told me you went to prison and she told me that Nana Kat was keeping you from us. You don't have to worry Frank because I already know everything,"Claire was squeezing my hand.

"Claire..."I wiped my eyes and sat down on the couch, Claire sitting next to me,"I'm so sorry you had to see me kill someone at that age."  
"Frank. You do remember the whole Dean thing right?"  
"I know but seeing your older brother shoot someone at your Mum's funeral isn't exactly easy."

Claire shoved her shoulder into mine playfully,"Stop worrying. I can handle things easy. Right. Ask away,"She smiled widely at me, her eyes smiling at me as well like they used to.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I can see how desperate you are to know what I've been doing and everything,"She grinned,"Come on just ask. You know I'll tell you everything."

I nodded and wiped my eyes again, taking a second to think about it,"Do you still live with Nana Kat?"  
"No. A year before you got out, I was put back in a home and Lily went to a halfway house. I never saw her again after that until I turned 12. Lily found me. She said the system had tried to hide me from her which explained why I was moved around a lot. I always thought it was because I was a brat,"Claire chuckled.

"Anyway, she told me she had gotten a good job and an apartment for us to both live in. Because she was still technically my sister, and she had a steady income and all that shit they let me move in with her,"Claire smiled brightly.  
"Wait so Lily-"  
"Have you not seen her yet?"Claire looked at me incredulously, flicking her lip ring with her tongue.

"No. I had enough trouble trying to find out which school you go to,"I muttered,"Where does she work? Where do you guys live?"  
"A couple of blocks away from here. It's within walking distance of my school and Lily's work. She works in real estate agency. She's pretty good at what she does."

I stared at Claire, trying to take in more of her,"When did you get the lip ring?"  
"Oh,"She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, hiding it from sight for a moment,"A couple of months ago. For my thirteenth,"She smiled at me.  
"Lily let you?"I had always remembered Lily not really wanting to have Claire get a lip ring.

"She lets me do whatever I want. So long as it doesn't harm me or anyone else,"Claire sat back in the seat,"She's on Team Free Will."  
"Team Free Will...?"That term sounded familiar.  
"Oh, don't worry. Just a reference."

"Oh. Do you think we can go and see Lily?"I asked hopefully. Happiness surging inside of me at the thought of seeing Lily all grown up and working in the real world.  
"Uhh... I- I guess so. I'm not due back for another half hour..."Claire pulled a phone out of her pocket and had a look at the time.  
"Do- I can go hang around somewhere if you want to go see Gabby. You did come here to see her after all didn't you?"

"Yeah don't worry though. She's in my class all day and I'm sure Cas and Samantha explained to her who you are,"Claire slipped her phone back into her skirt pocket and stood up,"Lets go and see Lily then."  
"Awesome."


	26. What The Fuck, Frank?!

"Thank you for not- you know,"Castiel said quietly, gripping my arm and bringing his mouth close to my ear.  
"No problem but- you should- you should talk with her,"I looked at him seriously. He nodded gravely, guilt and regret in his crystal blue eyes.  
"Yeah I uh- I will. I hope everything goes okay with Lily,"He smiled as I stepped away from the front door. Claire came crashing down the stairs, her bag banging loudly against her leg.

"Bye Gabby! Bye Cas! Bye Samantha!"She shouted as she fled out the door.  
"See you tomorrow Claire!"Gabby waved from a window upstairs.  
"I'll uh-"Castiel cleared his throat,"I'll see you at work Frank."  
"Yeah. Tomorrow. See ya!"I waved awkwardly, knowing fully well that Claire was going to want an explanation.

Once we were in the car, Claire sighing happily as she fingered the small initials she had carved into the door handle,"I've missed this car so much."  
"How come when I was at the crossing, you didn't recognise the car or me?"  
"I've seen a few of these cars in town so I learnt not to get my hopes up,"Claire said as I started driving away.

"Alright which way am I going?"  
"Take a left at the end of this road and then the first right. So what have you been doing?"Claire smiled as we drove down the long quiet road.  
"Well I went back home. I made some friends along the way and they helped me get my coffee shop up and running. I'm a business owner,"I grinned as I took a left.

"Frank turn right!"Claire screeched as i drove past the road.  
"Shit. Oops,"I pulled into someones driveway and backed out slowly, not looking where I should have been. Claire screamed loudly as the car jerked violently and we went spinning.

-time lapse-

When I came to, I was n a hospital bed. A light was shining in my eyes and two doctors were standing over me. In a flash it came back to me. Claire laughing at me missing the road. I had been too busy trying to memorise her smiling face to notice the big SUV driving towards us, too fast to slow down in time. God it had crashed into Claire's side.

"Cl-Claire,"I choked out. I was still in my clothes so I must have only just arrived. I tried to sit up but someone held me down.  
"Hey hey hey. Calm down there. You've been in a car accident okay? Just take a minute,"A familiar voice said.

I focused my eyes on the owner of the voice and almost threw up,"Max? I didn't know you were a doctor? I thought you worked in the hotel?"  
"It's my mothers hotel. I work for her somtimes if she hasn't got the staff. That's not whats important though. I need you to stay-"  
"No no no I cant I need to go find Claire. Is she okay?"I asked desperately. Shoving his hands away so I could sit up.

"It's nothing we cant fix,"Max said quietly.  
"How bad is it?"  
"Her right arm is broken, a couple of cracked ribs and a concussion. And the scrapes and bruises. Like I said, nothing we cant fix. Do you want to go and see her?"Max asked as I slid off the bed.  
"Yes."

-time lapse

"Frank thats really creepy,"Claire giggled weakly from the bed. She was doing okay. Just more in shock. I had been told to try and keep her awak due to the concussion so I had done that by telling her about the girls. Charlie. Work. My standing around outside of schools.  
"I know. I felt so horrible,"I smiled.

"No wonder Gabby thought you were a bad person. She probably recognised you from outside school,"Claire laughed harder but her face broke out into a wince.  
"Don't laugh okay? Just try and breathe normally."  
"Well stop making me laugh,"She smiled as she took in a long slow breath.

"Where is she? What room? Where the hell is my baby sister?!"Someone was screeching outside. I jumped to my feet as the door burst open and Lily strode in wearing a very nice outfit, heels and all. She didn't even notice me. She just went straight to Claire, tears streaming down her face.

"Oh sweetie oh baby what the hell happened to you?! What were you doing in a car? Did somone pick you up? Why would you get in a strangers car, Claire we've talked about these things!"Lily sobbed, bending over to pull her into a gentle hug.

Claire smiled at me awkwardly over Lily's shoulder, clutching her back helplessly.  
"Claire answer me now,"Lily stood up straight to stare down at her.  
"I uh- He was giving me a lift home but he missed the turn. So he pulled into a driveway to turn around but an SUV hit my side... He's h-here."

"Well I guess I have to be thankful you got hit instead of going home with some- str- stranger..."Lily stuttered as she turned and actually looked at me. We stared at each other silently, not moving. Barely breathing.  
"Lily-"Claire started to say but Lily silenced her with a hand.

She took a step closer to me. Then another and another until she was directly in front of me. Staring hard at my face. Her eyes roved all over me. Mine did the same. She had a few lines around her eyes. Her face was covered in professional looking make-up. Her clothes just reeked of a high end job.

After about a minute of staring Lily slapped me. Hard.  
"Jesus christ,"I gasped, clutching my hand to my face. When I took it down she slapped me again,"Fuck! Stop it!"  
"What the fuck Frank?"She gasped. I flinched when she moved again but it was only to pull me into a tight hug.

"I know,"I whispered, hugging her back. I couldn't even handle how good it felt to be hugging my best friend again.  
"Seriously, what the fuck?"She whispered. I could feel her tears soaking my shoulder and neck.  
"I'm so sorry."


	27. I Wont

"How do you know Cas?"Claire asked suddenly. I stared at her in shock. We had just been talking about Patrick and Lindsay's wedding.  
"I-"  
"I know, random change of subject but its been bothering me since I heard him say he'd see you at work. You don't work with him though."

"I- Claire it's a difficult question that I don't think I should answer,"I sighed, looking away from her sleepy face, covered in cuts. Lily was asleep in the chair next to her bed, resting her head on the side. Her hand loosely wrapped around Claire's.

"Why not?"  
"Be- because it's adult stuff sweetie. Just leave it alone okay?"I said firmly.  
"Fine I'll just ask Cas,"She muttered.  
"No dont. Just do what I said and leave it alone alright?It's got nothing to do with you and its private. It's between me and Castiel."

"You can't have known him for very long if you're still calling him Castiel. He hates that,"She said matter of factly.  
"Whatever Claire,"I slid further down into my seat,"You should get some sleep."  
"Kay Frankie. It's good to have you back,"She yawned.

I watched as she closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Lily. Within a few minutes she was asleep, her soft breathing filling the room. I was just about to doze off when Lily lifted her head up.

"Frank how do you know Cas?"She asked me straight away. After we had gotten over the initial shock of seeing each other, we had caught up on everything the other had been doing. Lily was in a very good position in the real estate and was getting ready to have her first ad put on a bus stop seat. She owned all the furniture in her apartment and was earning enough for her and Claire to live but only just.

"I uh-"  
"You did not sleep with him,"She looked at me incredulously,"He is married."  
"Can we not do this in front of his daughters' best friend?"I glared at her as I stood up. She was silent as she got up and we both walked out of Claire's room.

"Frank what the hell?"  
"Lily you have no idea so just shut up and let me explain. It was on my first night here, a week ago. I went to a bar to get dinner. He bought me a drink. We got drunk and went back to my hotel and had a threesome with-"I snapped my mouth shut, regretting saying it was a threesome.

"You had a threesome?!"She shouted. A nurse passing by gave us a dirty look,"Sorry."  
"We were all drunk okay? I know this doesn't excuse it for Castiel or Max. I had no idea either of them were with someone okay? None of the repercussions are my fault. I am single and I was dr-"

"Wait you're single?"Lily cut over me.  
"I- yes...?"I watched as a few emotions ran across her face before she settled on confusion.  
"But I thought you and Gerard were-"  
"No. No we're not. How did you not know that?"I asked bitterly.  
"What the hell happened?"

-time lapse-

"Frank you are such a dweeb,"Lily sighed and pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and felt like it was 10 years ago when I had cried on her shoulder when Mrs Macy had called me a disgusting fag. I was only fourteen years old. Lily was only thirteen.  
"It doesn't matter anymore though because I'm dealing with my problems,"I sniffed, struggling to hold in my real emotions.

If I told her I missed Gerard the tiniest bit then she would force me to contact him. I knew that no good would come of that. The last time I saw him was proof that we just couldn't be around each other anymore. But that didn't stop me missing the way he would always play with my hands or the way he would smoke, always from the right side of his mouth.

"Oh... another thing,"I sighed, knowing she would be pissed off,"I've started smoking again..."  
"Oh Frank,"She grumbled.  
"I haven't had them very often just once or twice a week."

Gerard and I had quit smoking together. Saying that we were doing it for Lily, Claire and ourselves. We had both done a really good job but once I went to prison I had started up again. I was used to only having one or two a week though so it was affordable for me right now.

"Well, you can stop that right now,"Lily stood up from the seat we were sitting on.  
"Well it'll be easier once you move back in I guess,"I sighed and stood up as well.  
"What do you mean?"Lily looked at me.  
"Well the girls dont really give a damn about my smoking but once you and Claire have moved back I'll find it easier to give up."

"Frank we're not moving back to San Diego..."Lily said slowly.  
I froze,"What?"  
"We- we're not moving back to San Diego,"She repeated, starting to walk back to Claire's room.  
"But I- why not?"I moved in front of her to stop her walking.

"We have a life here Frank. I've got a great job and Claire's doing great in school. We've both got friends we trust and love. What on earth made you think we would move back to San Diego?"She chuckled and sidestepped me.  
"Don't laugh and walk away,"I grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face me again.

"Don't you want to come back to your home?"  
"We have a home. It's the apartment I worked my butt off to get. Its filled with furniture I paid for with money that I earned. Frank, you cannot seriously think that we're just going to uproot our lives because you're back in the picture..."Lily looked at me seriously.

"I dont- I dont know I just miss you guys. I miss being in that house with you guys and Mum and... stuff..."I trailed off, looking down at my feet.  
"I know Frank. We both miss it too. But that place just has bad memories for Claire. Nana Kat took us to get our stuff and Claire broke down. I had to grab everything for her while Nana kat stayed in the car and comforted her. I won't bring Claire back there. I won't."

I nodded,"I understand. I didn't know that. Maybe one day you guys could come for a visit though? See me, meet the girls and see my shop?"I asked hopefully.  
"Definitely. Claire's got some holiday's coming up and I can book time off of work,"Lily smiled and put her arm around my shoulder.

"Cool..."I sighed as we started walking.  
"You'll be okay Frank. You've been there by yourself for four years already,"She gave me a squeeze, making me feel better.  
"Yeah, you're right. Thank you Lily."


	28. Frank I'm So Sorry

"But why not?!"Claire screeched, stamping her foot down as she said it. Her hip was jutting out like some sort of pop star and her hand was resting on it, her broken arm was dangling uselessly at her side.  
"Claire please don't yell,"Lily asked weakly. I pulled my eyes away from Claire's angry face to stare at Lily for a second before turning back to Claire.  
"Jesus fucking christ Claire, when the fuck did you turn into a spoilt little brat?!"I yelled at her.

She opened her mouth to say something but it snapped shut when I turned my frown into a glare.  
"I told you that I have a fucking shop to run back home. I can't move here and you guys cant move back to San Diego. Get the fuck over it alright?"I snarled. Why was she acting like this? Where was that sweet little girl?

"But I want you to stay here or I go with you,"Claire whined.  
"Well fucking deal with it. You can't have everything you want Claire. You're gonna be able to visit and I'll visit and in your school holidays you can come and stay with us or sometimes I can come and stay with you but right now, I've got to get back to my shop."

Claire still had a look of anger on her face but suddenly she just broke and stepped through the doorway to collide into me,"But I just got you back I don't want you to go,"She cried.  
I picked her up and held her tight, being careful of her broken arm,"I know baby girl."  
"I'm gonna miss you,"She sighed.  
"I miss you already. Don't worry. The time between will fly by."

I put her down with a kiss on her cheek and turned to Lily,"So you've got my number?"  
"Yup. You've got mine? And Claire's?"She stepped through the doorway as well and pulled me into a hug.  
"Of course. I'll call you guys once I get home okay?"I said over her shoulder, squeezing her tight.

"Thank you Frank. Thank you for finding us,"Lily whispered.  
"Thank you for not hating me,"I whispered back, closing my eyes to hold in the tears.  
"Frank you are my best friend. You don't have to thank me for not hating you,"Lily chuckled.  
"I know but still,"I choked out.

Lily and I let go of each other so I could walk out to my car,"Claire you make sure you call me whenever you want okay? For anything at all no matter what time or anything at all I will always be there to talk,"I smiled sadly, walking backwards. I stumbled backwards and fell onto my car when I hit the curb. Claire and Lily were laughing as I righted myself and unlocked the car.

Once I was in and buckled up, I put the window down and waved, They waved back as I started the car. As I pulled away from the curb they yelled out,"We love you Frank!"  
"I love you both!"I shouted back as I drove away.

Tears flooded my vision once I reached the edge of town. I pulled over and waited til they cleared up. I had spent the whole week with Claire and Lily. Claire had stayed off school because of her injuries and Lily had taken a week off of work to take care of Claire. It had been the greatest week of my life. We had been to movies, been on picnics, I was even able to go to Claire's school play. She wasn't in the actual play but she was responsible for most of the music.

She was now amazing at guitar and had written a bunch of songs all of which she refused to play for me. She said only Gabby had heard them. In the past 8 years she had grown up so much. She was an amazing person. She had a good attitude about life and was ridiculously smart. The only thing I worried about was these two older girls, maybe sixteen, who had seen us at the movies. Claire had immediately moved out of sight behind Lily and I when the girls started snickering.

After the movie they had been standing outside. When we had walked out one had shouted,"See you at school Claire."  
Claire had laughed awkwardly and nodded, muttering a 'yeah' that I barely heard. When I had asked her about them she had just said they were some girls in school that she knew. Lily seemed completely oblivious.

My phone ringing pulled me out of my memories. I opened it without looking at who was calling,"Hello?"  
"Frank the- the shop I- I'm so sorry,"Miranda started crying.

"Miranda? What's going on? Calm down just take a deep breath okay?"  
"Frank last night I forgot to- to take the money from the safe and its- someone broke in and took the money it's all gone,"She sobbed. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as anger hurt and annoyance ran through me.

"Frank I'm so sorry its completely my fault and I will pay for everything and all the damage and oh my god I'm so sorry,"She cried heavily.  
"Okay I'm on my way home now just- call the insurance company alright? Are the police there?"I pinched the bridge of my nose to try and stop the headache from reaching my eyes.

"Yeah they're here. I'm so sorry Frank. I'll call the insurance company now,"Miranda hung up before I could tell her it was okay. I put my phone down on the passenger seat and started the car up again. I put the radio on.

"... here's My Chemical Romance with The World Is Ugly."  
"Fuck!"I jabbed the off button and started driving faster than the speed limit. I was fucked off now.


	29. Yes

"Jesus christ..."I muttered as I pulled up outside the shop. The dying light of the sun threw light across the girls, Charlie and Lisa. I got out of the car, making sure to lock it, and walked in through the door.

The door's windows were completely smashed, covering the floor with sparkling shards of glass. The only table and chairs standing were the ones everyone was sitting at. All the rest were knocked over. There were coffee beans covering all of the ground and there were cigarette butts and beer cans littering the floor.

"Frank..."Miranda jumped up as soon as she saw me, fear and guilt covering her face. They were all nursing coffees and all looked very nervous.  
"Well don't look so scared guys. It was obviously just some drunk idiots. It's nobody's fault,"I smiled and hugged Miranda.

"No but I left the money in the safe instead of taking it to the bank. There was over two thousand dollars in there,"She groaned.  
"Look don't worry! The insurance will cover the damage at least. Not sure about the money but whatever. We can make it back,"I reassured her.

"Only our assets or whatever are insured. They can cover the damage but because its in our contract or something."  
"Shit. Well..."I took a look around the place, assessing the damage,"What if we just find a new place? I bigger and better one. So that we can do it up and make it look exactly the way we want?"

"There's a huge place for sale a few blocks away. What sort of price would you be thinking of?"Lisa spoke up.  
"Not sure. I need to check whats in the bank,"I went to pull my phone out of my pocket but remembered it was in the car.

"Here use mine,"Vicky muttered as Miranda and I sat down with the rest. Vicky slid her phone across the table. I opened up the internet and loaded up my bank accounts. In my savings account which I basically put any left over profits from the shop into had two hundred thousand. My personal one had two thousand.

"What was the price for this place?"I looked at Lisa. She looked exhausted and nervous still.  
"It was negotiable. It's a pretty big place. It used to be a small supermarket with a kids area upstairs. My Mum used to leave me there while she did the shopping."

I was about to say I wanted to see it but everyone's sad nervous faces stopped me,"You guys, why the heck do you look so nervous and sad?"  
"We just- we dont want to lose our jobs..."Deandra said quietly, taking a sip of her coffee and looking away.

"Are you kidding me? You guys are my best friends. I would never do that to you. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldnt even have this place. You don't need to worry. And Lisa, you've only been working here but Miranda and Charlie have been telling me that you're fantastic. None of you are out of a job okay? We're gonna get through this. Now, we need to call someone to get these doors to fixed up before it gets dark again."

-time lapse-

"This place is fucking awesome!"Miranda shouted and grinned as it echoed throughout the building.  
"I know right?!"I grinned at her. I pointed to the back wall that was underneath the upstairs section,"I'm gonna put a wall underneath the balcony and make that the kitchen. There's gonna be a hatch to put food through and then surrounding that wall is gonna be the counter which is also gonna be a a bar. I'm gonna buy another coffee machine and have one either end! And then upstairs is the bathroom and the kids section. I'll put a few tables up there so parents can sit with their coffee and watch their kids play. And then the office is gonna be in there obviously,"I pointed to the door to the left.

"Frank this is gonna take a lot to look good,"Miranda was in the center of the room, twirling in a slow circle. There was paint peeling off the walls and the floor was disgusting and the stairs looked close to breaking but whenever I pictured what it would look like, I wanted it.  
"I know but if the sellers agree to my seventy five then we can afford it easy as,"I let out a sigh of relief.

"Well what sort of stuff do you have in mind?"She asked as the real estate agent walked back in from her car, hanging his phone up.  
I ignored Miranda as he came over to me and slowly smiled,"They said yes!"  
"Yes! Oh my god!"I clapped my hands as Miranda ran towards me and spun our hug.

"If you come into the office tomorrow I'll have all the forms ready for you,"The real estate agent said.  
"Yup no problem at all!"I grinned at him. I felt bad for not remembering his name but at that moment I could not give a fuck.

"We have to leave dont we?"  
"You can have the keys tomorrow once all the papers are signed,"He smiled.  
"Okay well thank you so much,"I gushed as we all started walking out.  
"Frank we should go and tell the others,"Miranda linked her arm with mine.  
"Fuck yeah!"I punched the air jubilantly.


	30. Apparently

Three Weeks Later.

"So why do you think you should get the job?"  
"Well I don't really want it. I just really like cute serial killers. What- I hope you don't mind my asking, but what gun did you use when you shot them all?"She scooted her chair round the small round table and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I- um- that- you- this interview is over,"I stood up, grabbed my forms and darted into my office before she could do anything crazy. Miranda was sitting at her desk on her laptop, typing furiously.  
"How was it?"She asked me without looking up.

"Terrible I don't think I'm gonna find anyone to hire,"I groaned. Ever since we had opened the new store, I was a lot busier. I had only just worked out how many people I needed working each day and right now I needed to hire two more people.  
Miranda groaned and shut her laptop. She pushed away from the desk and spun her chair to face me,"What happened?"

"I asked her the first question and her answer was, and I quote,'I don't really want it. I just really like cute serial killers.' and then she asked me what gun I used,"I sat down at my desk and opened up my laptop.  
"Well at least one good thing came out of it."

"Really? What's that?"I mumbled as I opened up my emails.  
"She think's you're cute."  
I swiveled my chair around to give Miranda a grin,"Ha ha. Come on, help me go through these applications,"I groaned as I looked at all the resumes people had emailed me.

"Just leave them for a bit. Go make yourself a coffee."  
"Miranda, I leave in two days I do not have time to make myself coffee. I need to at least find a temp for while I'm gone,"I gave her a pointed stare before clicking into the first email.

"This guy seems okay,"I sighed as I scanned his resume. He had barista experience and apparently a good attitude to work,"Scratch that he's still in school."  
"What about this guy. Worked in a coffee shop for two weeks before moving across the country with his family. Got a job in Starbucks and stayed there for three years, getting promoted in the process."

I dragged my chair over to Miranda's desk to have a look but her laptop was on facebook.  
"What are you-"  
"He said he left Starbucks to go and kill 8 people then went to prison,"Miranda smirked at me.  
"You're a bitch you know that?"I groaned and went back to my desk.

"You love me,"She said airily.  
"Actually no I dont because you said you'd be my plus one at the wedding and now you're letting your parents drag you back home for a stupid anniversary,"I groaned and slammed my laptop lid down to rest my head on top.  
"Frank get the fuck over it okay? I didn't realise the dates coincided. You're just gonna have to go with someone else."

"But I don't want to,"I fake sobbed.  
"Grow a pair, Frank."  
"Fine I'll go with Lily."  
"She's already going though,"Miranda pointed out as she pulled her packet of cigarettes out of her bag,"You coming?"  
"Yeah alright."

I grabbed my smokes and lighter and followed Miranda out through the shop to the smoking area out back. A few customers were seated at a table but otherwise it was quiet. We sat down on the edge of the water feature I had so desperately wanted. It was this beautiful stone basin with a dragon emerging from the water in the middle, fire coming out of its mouth. The actual water stream came from the very centre of the fire. At night, I could turn on the lights and have the water flash orange and red in the dark. People had thrown in coins as if it was a wishing well.

Miranda and I lit up silently. Only when we were halfway through our smokes did she say something.  
"You looking forward to seeing Lily and Claire again?"  
"Fuck yes,"I puffed out,"I was a little shocked to find out they'd been invited but I guess Lindsay felt like she should after Claire's first ever lesson."

"Mmm. I really am sorry I cant come, Frank,"Miranda said as she threw her cigarette butt on the ground and stubbed it out with her toe.  
"No don't worry about it. It's your parents' 50 year anniversary. It's a special one,"I said as I put mine out,"You better not leave that there."  
"I wont,'She muttered and picked it up.

We stood up and went back inside,"Have you packed yet?"  
"Fuck no. I'll do that tomorrow night,"I sighed as we went back into the office.  
"Nope. You're doing it tonight. You're gonna be too tired tomorrow,"Miranda said firmly.  
"I'll just go and do it now I guess,"I sighed. She was right.

-time lapse-

"You'll be fine okay? You're gonna have Lily and Claire there and Gerard and that can't be there,"Miranda said over my shoulder.  
"I know. I just wish you were gonna be there with me,"I sighed and let go.  
"Yeah I know. Go on, you need to go to Lily and Claire,"She smiled.

I waved as I got in my car, yelling out a goodbye as I drove away. The two days had passed by ridiculously fast. I was now on my way to stay with Lily and Claire for a night before we all caught a flight to Jersey. As terrible as it was, a little thought had been nagging me in the back of my mind the whole time: I hope I see Cas again. I was doing my best to get rid of it, but it just wouldn't budge.

The drive up to Washington passed by in a blur of singing loudly, stopping only twice for food and the toilet. When I had arrived, Claire had given me the biggest hug I have ever had from her. She had been crying all day because Lily had to work so she couldn't go to the wedding with us.

"I thought they gave you the time off though?"I asked as we drank coffee. Claire was in her bedroom playing guitar.  
"So did I but they said they needed me because this woman is sick. They already knew that I was only going for Claire so I couldn't say it was someone close,"Lily sighed, dusting biscuit crumbs from her lap.

"Well at least I can take Claire,"I muttered.  
"Yeah... About that... I don't want you taking her..."Lily looked at me, daring me to say no.  
"Why not?"I said in a carefully measured voice.  
"She's got a big test coming up next week and I don't want her missing school beforehand."

"Does she know yet?"  
"Not yet. I'd prefer it if I told her though,"Lily sighed, taking my controlled anger as acceptance.  
"Tell me what?"Claire suddenly jumped out of her bedroom, her guitar in her hands.  
"Lily doesn't want you going to the wedding,"I told her, smiling at Lily's outraged face.

"But... I'm still going right?"Claire looked at Lily for confirmation.  
" 'Fraid not sweetie,"Lily said sadly.  
"Why not?"  
"I don't want you missing school for a wedding of someone you had one guitar lesson with. You've got a big test next week and I don't want you to miss out on any important lessons."

"But you said I could go..."Claire sat her guitar down and came to stand in front of me,"You'll stil take me wont you Frankie?"  
"Uhh..."I glanced at Lily who was shaking her head at me,"Of course I will kiddo. Your bags are packed right?"  
"Frank!"

"Yup! Can I take my guitar with me?"  
"Definitely,"I smiled widely,"Go and make sure you've got everything okay?"  
"I was gonna show you guys a song I learnt to play but that can wait. Lily wants to yell at you,"Claire winked at me and took her guitar back into her room.

"Frank what the hell are you playing at?"  
"She has been looking forward to this for three weeks. You can't just take it away from her the day before like that."  
Lily gave me a look of frustration,"But I told you why I don't want her going."  
"Yeah and I think its cruel and wrong to do that to her. She's coming with me."

"No. She's not. She's not your-"  
"Not my what? Not my daughter? Is that what you were going to say?"I stood up and glared at her,"She isn't yours either. She is your sister. Your adopted sister. And she's also my adopted sister. And I am older so technically I should be the one looking after her."  
"Don't you dare,"Lily stood up as well, towering above me in her heels,"I am the one who worked to get us where we are. I worked to get this apartment. I hunted her down so I could give her a proper home for once. A solid one. Don't you fucking dare turn up after eight years and start making decisions you have absolutely no right."

"I have just as much right as you do! She is my little sister as well! I love her to fucking death no matter how long I've been away! I love you both to death no matter what! Why is it so fucking hard to let her have few days of school off to spend some time with her big brother that she hasn't seen in eight fucking years?! Huh?!"I watched as she processed everything in her mind like she usually did. After all this time, she was still the same girl who had taken pity in me. Felt sad at the sight of everyone making fun of me. She had been the first one to make me realise that not everyone in the world was a complete bastard.

"Lily I don't want to fight,"I sighed,"Especially over Claire."  
"I'm not gonna go,"Claire said suddenly. Lily and I both snapped our head to see her holding her guitar again.  
"What? Why not?"I took a few steps closer to Lily.

"If it makes you guys fight like that then I don't want to go. When I was little you guys were always like my parents. Until Mum of course but you know what I mean. I don't want to be the reason you stop talking. I may have only been three and four at the time but I do remember how close you guys were. I'm not gonna be the one to ruin that,"She said seriously.

"Claire you don't-"  
"Nope! It's not up for discussion. This is my choice. Also, Gabby just bought a new video game and she wants me to go to hers tonight. Can I?"Claire smiled at Lily.  
"Oh I see. You dont wanna see me you just wanna play a video game,"I couldn't help but smile.

"Pretty much,"Claire winked at me before turning her puppy dog eyes back on to look at Lily.  
"I- I guess. It's getting a little late for you to walk there though.  
"Frank will take me. Wont you Frank,"Claire looked at me hopefully.  
"Apparently,"I sighed.


	31. Jesus Fucking Christ

"Aren't you coming in?"Claire looked at me when I didn't get out of the car.  
"Why- why do I need to?"I blinked at her from the drivers seat.  
"Because Gabby is pissed off at you and I think you need to say sorry for the last time you were here. It was the last chance we had to hang out before all our time was taken up with other shit,"Claire stared at me blankly.

"Oh uh okay,"I got out of the car and locked it. Claire skipped ahead of me, her guitar case banging against her leg as she went up to the door. Just as she reached it Gabby opened the door up with a big grin.  
"Hi Claire!"She grinned, enveloping her in a big hug. Then she noticed me.

"Hey Gabby,"I waved awkwardly at her.  
"Hi Frank. Mum's not here but Dad's in the kitchen,"She opened the door wider and grabbed Claire to drag her upstairs before I could do anything at all. I awkwardly stepped through the front door, wondering if I should take my shoes off or even be there at all.

"Frank? Hey!"Castiel suddenly poked his head through the door from the lounge.  
"Uh hey Castiel,"I smiled sheepishly at him.  
"You just dropping Claire off?"  
"Uh yeah I- I actually was told I needed to apologise to Gabby because of the last time I was here I used up all of their time together or something. Apparently Gabby is pissed at me,"I shrugged my shoulders.

"Really? Because Gabby was talking to me about the whole story of what happened and she didn't seem at all upset. She said she was happy for Claire because she had immediately gotten happier.  
"Oh..."I looked up the stairs to where I could hear Claire and Gabby squealing over something.

"Can I get you a drink? Coffee? Tea? Something stronger?"His blue eyes sparkled as he smiled at me.  
"Uh- no I should be- be going I guess... Got a stupid wedding to go to but no one to go with,"I groaned.

"Is Claire not going with you?"  
"No. Lily has to work and now she's decided Claire cant come either so. I haven't even got a date to take with me,"I grumbled, subconsciously making a decision to follow him through to the kitchen where he grabbed to glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

"I guess you need this then,"He smiled and pushed a glass towards me.  
"Thanks,"I sighed.  
"To stupid weddings,"Castiel held his glass up.  
"To stupid weddings,"I grinned and clinked my glass against his.

"They really are stupid though. None of it means anything at all,"Castiel grumbled. I cleared my throat and looked at him,"Sorry."  
"No don't worry about it... Look I uh... About- about last month,"I started to say.  
"Oh don't worry I know. I'm planning on telling Samantha on the weekend."  
"Oh good. That's good,"I sighed in relief. I finished the rest of my drink and he wordlessly filled it up again.

-time lapse-

"And then she literally started smashing the guitar on the ground! It was my worst nightmare,"Cas cackled.  
"Jesus man that is- that is just- oh man,"I giggled. Five drinks each later, I was severely drunk and so was Castiel.

We were both sitting in his living room, now onto vodka and orange juice. In the back of my mind, the logical sane voice was telling me I needed to sober up so I could drive back to Lily's but everything else was screaming at me. Yelling at me to move closer to Castiel. His hand was inches away from my leg. My hand a few centremetres away from the back of neck, resting on the back of the couch.

I brought my hand up and scratched an itch on my face before letting it drop back down blindly. Part of me could tell I had done that on purpose because it landed against his neck softly. Castiel stopped mid-sentence. I hadn't even been listening. He looked at me, his hand moving onto my leg. My mind was telling me no, telling me to get the fuck out, but my body was in control now.

At Castiel's touch my hand gripped the back of his neck, without instruction to, and pulled him onto me, his mouth crashing into mine as his hand slid up my leg. I moaned into the kiss as his hand brushed against my crotch on its journey to my shoulder. Castiel's tongue slipped into my mouth as he climbed onto my lap properly, straddling my thighs.

My hands dragged down his side, pulling a moan out of him. We froze at the sound of a giggle. I opened my eyes as Castiel jumped off of my lap and fell onto the ground.  
"Shit are you okay?"I tore my eyes away from Claire and Gabby laughing in the doorway to help Castiel up.

"Yeah I'm- I'm fine. Gabby. Claire. Could you come in here a moment?"He stammered out. Claire and Gabby took a step into the room, traces of grins still on there face.  
"What you- what you just saw is- we- I-"Castiel looked to me for help.  
"Dad its okay. I know you're gay,"Gabby smiled at him,"And I know you'll talk to Mum soon. But in the meant time, you should totally be with Frank."

"Gabby I-"  
"Whatever you guys do, just- try not to be too loud. Okay?"Claire smiled.  
"Claire!"I scoffed.  
"Frank I have heard you and Gerard before. It was horrible because I was only four and I thought he was hurting you. I went and slept in Mum's room,"Claire giggled.  
"Oh... Sorry... I guess. Uh-"I looked at Castiel for what to do.

"Gabby you don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Alright? Especially not to Mum. I have to be the one to talk to her,"He sighed.  
"Okay Dad!"She smiled and grabbed Claire to drag her upstairs again.  
"Jesus fucking christ,"I muttered.  
"Tell me about it."


	32. The World Is Ugly

"I can't believe I'm doing this,"Cas muttered as he did up his seat belt.  
"Neither can I actually."I grinned at him and did mine up as well.  
"I swear Samantha is going to know. She's- she's gonna find out,"Cas gripped his arm rests and looked around in a panic.

"Cas, hey, it's gonna be fine. She think's you're on a business trip. With me. Gabby and Claire are helping us with it all. Just forget about everything,"I placed my hand on top of his and gave him a warm smile. He took in a deep breath and slowly returned my smile.

The seatbelt light went on and the air hostess took her place at the front of the plane as she started doing all the safety shit with the air masks and crap. I looked out the small window onto the tarmac. I couldn't see the girls anymore because the plane was slowly turning around. The shock of actually inviting Cas to be my plus one at the wedding was only just hitting me. A married man, who still hadn't told his wife he was gay, was lying to her so he could go to a wedding full of people he didn't know, with me. His wife thought we were on a business trip. Lily had been ridiculously pissed off but hadn't wanted to be the home wrecker so had kept her mouth shut. Claire and Gabby had been really excited about their family being joined somehow.

"I really don't like planes,"Cas stammered out as the plane picked up speed. His hand grabbed at mine and squeezed tightly.  
"It's gonna be fine. Just- keep squeezing my hand,"I squeezed back and tried to relax a bit more for Cas' benefit.

A few minutes later we were in the air and Cas was reading his book calmly. As I pulled my book out to read, I couldn't shake the horrible feeling that something bad was going to happen over the next three days.

-time lapse-

"I'm starting to wish I drove here,"I sighed as the taxi pulled away from the curb.  
"Why's that?"Cas pulled his eyes away from the window to give me an inquisitive look.  
"Because I miss my car already. I don't like taking taxis."  
"Fair enough."

It took about half an hour to get from the airport to our hotel. Once we had dumped our stuff, Cas had turned to me with a look of glee in his eyes,"We have got to go to that fun fair that we passed."  
I stared at him, struggling to figure out if he was serious or not,"You- are you kidding me?"  
"No! I really wanna go!"

"Okay I guess so. I took Claire to it when she was about three. Apparently it was the best day of her life,"I chuckled.  
"Well there you go. Come on, lets go now. We've got the whole day to spend there!"He grinned.  
"We can walk there. I hate taxis,"I said as I grabbed my jacket and wallet.

-time lapse-

"We have got to go on that,"Cas said as we stared up at the haunted house.  
"Come on,"I grinned. I grabbed my roll of tickets as we rushed up the steps to where the vendor looked bored, reading a book.  
"Two please,"I said gleefully.

Without a word, he ripped off the tickets and pulled back a curtain behind him. Cas grabbed my hand and dragged me forward into the darkness. The sound of screaming kids and laughter was cut off along with the light. Instead all we could hear was cheesy scary music and evil laughs.

"I fucking love these things,"Cas pulled me forward slowly, linking his fingers with mine.  
"Same. They're literally the greatest things out because they're not actually that- holy mother of god!"I screeched suddenly as a skeleton dropped down in front of us.  
"You were saying?"Cas giggled.  
"Shut up."

We continued on through a vampire themed room where Count Dracula jumped out at us, moaning about drinking our blood in a terrible accent. We went into a room full of mirrors making us look ridiculous. We spent a lot of time laughing at each other in that one. We found stairs so we made our way up them. It opened up into a large ballroom. There was a weird hulking guy, like a cross between The Hulk and Frankenstein, dancing with a dead zombie wife.

At the sight of us they stopped dancing to the record that kept skipping and came over to us,"Dance! You must dance!"She drawled. She grabbed me before I could do anything and dragged me into a messy waltz. I could smell the make-up and sweat and it was making me feel sick in the stuffyness of the room.

"Dance with your partner! Dance!"She shoved me towards where the FrankenHulk was pushing Cas towards me.  
"No passing until you dance!"He growled. Cas grabbed me and immediately had his hand on my waist and the other in mine. I placed my free hand on his shoulder and started clumsily stepping about.

"This is ridiculous,"I giggled as they started clapping, running around us with weird grunts.  
"I want to get out of this place. It's giving me a headache,"Cas muttered.  
"Come on,"We stopped dancing and looked for the exit.  
"No. You must dance."  
"I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I want to leave the haunted house. Is there an emergency exit?"Cas groaned.

"Oh shit. Yeah, sorry man. It gets really hot in here doesnt it,"The FrankenHulk smiled sympathetically and walked over to a hidden door,"There's a little first aid area just down the ramp. Feel better soon dude,"He held the door open for us.

"Come on, Cas,"I put my arm around his shoulders as we walked down the ramp into a well lit airy tent.  
"Can I get some water?"Cas muttered. Before I could say that we'd go and buy some, someone passing by handed Cas a bottle,"Thanks."

After Cas' dizzyness had passed, we laced our fingers together and walked out of the tent. It was on the side of the haunted house. As we walked past the haunted house again, something caught my eye. It was photo's of people that had gone through the house. At the end you could get a picture taken with someone bloodied up and in chains. Usually I ignored these things because they were so over priced, and we hadn't even posed for a photo. But a group of people in particular had made me stop and almost throw up.

"Frank?"Cas moved in front of my face,"You okay? Do you want some of my water?"  
"I- they're not- they're supposed to be in England,"I uttered out. Gerard had grown his hair out and dyed it black again but the roots were aqua blue. Mikey had shaved the sides of his head and had bleached the top. Bob had a nose piercing and Ray looked as normal as ever.

"Frank what are you on about?"  
"The- them- My- My Chemical Romance, I got Lily to tell you about it?"I tore my eyes way from the photo of them all looking the happiest I had ever seen them.  
"Oh right- oh shit. Thats them?"Cas looked to where I had been looking.  
"Yeah I-"  
"So they're here and not in England then... Do you want to go back to the hotel?"

I shook my head violently,"No. This is the first time you've ever been to Jersey. I'm not gonna let this ruin today,"I put a smile on,"What do you wanna do now?"  
"Frank I honestly don't mind."  
"No no. Come on, lets go on the boat ride?"I raised an eyebrow at him.  
His look of worry broke out into a grin, lighting up his ocean eyes,"Okay."

We walked slowly around the place, trying to find the boat ride. Neither of us were really looking properly, just chattering about random things.  
"There!"Cas suddenly cut over my rant about how spoilt Claire was, pointing to the boat ride.  
"Nice spotting,"I grinned.

"Two please,"Cas smiled at the vendor, handing her the tickets. She let us through to a wide open floor. There was only one big long boat, the front half full.  
"I thought it was gonna be single boats,"I said as we slowly walked across the empty floor.  
"Same... Oh well. Maybe it'll be fun?"Cas shrugged his shoulders.  
"Hope so,"I muttered as I climbed into the seat first, Cas' hand on my back as he followed.

Ten minutes later, the boat was full and we lurched off into a dark tunnel. We slowly climbed a hill, the only sound the clanking of the rails and the water running down around us. The tunnel opened up into a woodland area, tonnes of fake animals singing an annoying song as we moved through.

"I think this might have been for kids,"I said slowly as I heard a little girl scream with joy.  
"I think you're right,"Cas said as we moved into a new room filled with fucking fairies and pixies and all sorts of girly shit.  
"Well this is a waste of time,"I groaned and sat back in my seat.

Cas gave a huge groan folded his arms on the bar, resting his head on his arms. I chuckled slightly and tried to block out the annoying music. The boat suddenly stopped, throwing everyone forward. The music cut off, the lights went out and the safety bars flew up. After a few seconds of silence a bunch of kids started screaming.

"Please remain calm and remain seated,"A voice echoed over a speaker,"We're experiencing a blackout. The back up generators are starting up now. The lights will be on- there."  
The lights came back on but fortunately, the music didnt.

"Unfortunately, the ride won't start again so please wait til a staff member arrives,"The voice crackled off. I expected there to be a burst of conversation but instead there was just quiet murmuring. Cas and I looked at each other, unsure of what to do, when the voice came back,"We currently have no one available to escort you off the ride. Please remain calm and enjoy the music while you wait."

I let out a groan at the thought of that music coming back on but instead the radio turned on. The voice of a dj echoed throughout the room, going on about some competition. Then he had a caller on the phone with a request.

"Hi can you please play The World Is Ugly by My Chem?"The girl asked hopefully.  
"No..."I whispered.  
"Sure thing, thanks for calling. Remember people, I'm taking requests all day. You're listening to The Rock, here's My Chemical Romance with The World Is Ugly."

"No I- I need to get off this ride."  
"Ay? Why?"Castiel looked at me as I frantically searched the fairy set for an exit door.  
"This song I can't listen to it no,"I put my hands over my ears and bent over as far as I could, trying to block it out.

"These are the eyes and the lies of the taken. These are their hearts but their hearts don't beat like ours. They burn 'cause they are all afraid. For every one of us, there's an army of them. But you'll never fight alone 'cause I wanted you to know that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me. Well are you thinking of me now?"

"Someone turn it off!"I shouted, looking up to try and find that god damn exit, not being able to stop myself from taking in the words.  
"Frank shut the hell up and tell me what's going on!"Cas grabbed my shoulders and made me look at him.

"These are the nights and the lights that we fade in. These are the words but the words aren't coming out. They burn cause they are all the same. For every failing sun, there's a morning after. Though I'm empty when you go, I just wanted you to know."  
"No no no..."I groaned, not even caring about the tears that had somehow found a way out.  
"...is ugly, but you're beautiful to me. Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you. I won't say I'm sorry though. Though I really need to go, I just wanted you to know."

"There's an ache in my heart. And there's a burning in my eyes. I'm thinking of you every night, every day. These are the lies and lies of the taken. These are their hearts but their hearts dont beat like ours. They burn cause they are all afraid."  
"Someone make it stop please!"I stood up to try and get a look at the place. That was when I saw him. About 5 seats back. Staring at me.

"Cause the world is ugly but you're beautiful to me."  
My hands dropped to my side as we stared at each other.  
"Are you thinking of me? Like I'm thinking of you. I wont say I'm sorry though. Though I really need to go. I just wanted you to know."

We still hadn't broken eye contact. I couldn't really see him properly through my tears but I knew he was still looking at me.  
"That the world is ugly but you're beautiful to me. Are you thinking of me? Stop your crying. Helpless feeling. Dry your eyes and start believing. There's one thing they'll never take from you."

"Admit it. You're a mess. You'll never be the same. Lost forever. Like ghosts in the snow. Like ghosts in the sun."  
"Frank,"Cas stood up and made me tear my eyes away from Gerard to look at him,"You need to take a breath okay? The song is over. Just take big breaths okay?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, wiping the tears away as we sat back down. I felt numb. I couldn't even process what the lyrics meant to me and what they meant to Gerard. I knew exactly what he was singing about. But my brain didn't want to process them. Just left them floating around in my brain.

Before I knew it, Cas was pulling me over to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and rubbing my back in a circular motion. I clung to his jacket and took in a deep shuddering breath.  
"Gerard sit back down! You'll get in trouble!"I heard someone yell. It sounded like Ray.

"What'a going on?"Someone shouted. I looked up to see some sort of security guy standing on the set, looking at the back where Gerard was sitting. Before I could stop myself I jumped to my feet and climbed onto the set.  
"I need to get out I need fresh air,"I gasped.

"Dammit Gerard!"Someone shouted behind me.  
"Frank!"Gerard shouted desperately.  
"Don't let him near me,"I begged, darting forward to find where the man had come from.

"Sir, I'm gonna need you to go sit back down while I get this gentleman out,"I heard the guy say. I sent out a silent thanks as Cas joined me, pointing to a hidden door behind a fairy throne.  
"No- you don't understand! Frank wait!"Gerard shouted.

"I need water,"I said quietly once we were out.  
"Are you okay? Claire didn't mention anything like that,"Cas said as he guided me over to a seat, unscrewing the lid from his water bottle.  
"It- that song is about me. That was the first time I've ever actually listened to it. I- I think just knowing that he was at the fair and then having that song play and then seeing him on the fucking ride was all too much for one day."

Cas nodded like he understood which I suppose he did.  
"I just need to call Miranda. I'm really sorry,"I sighed.  
"She your therapist?"Cas asked, notifying me that I had invited a guy I hardly knew across the country to go to a wedding with me.  
"I-"I let out a laugh,"No. Just a good friend who knows what I'm dealing with."  
"Then call away my friend,"He smiled at me.


	33. The Ceremony

"Frank promise me you're not gonna get drunk tonight,"Miranda pleaded.  
"I can't promise that. That's like asking me to drink decaf. I can't do it."  
"Frank. Asking you to drink decaf coffee and asking you not to drink at a wedding are two very different things,"Miranda sighed heavily.

"I'll- I'll try."  
"Thank you,"Miranda sighed again, telling me that she knew I wasn't going to try at all.  
"Just- try to have fun okay? Ignore Gerard. Act like he isn't there and just have fun. Your friends are getting married. Try to focus on that."  
"Okay,"I took a deep breath and gave my tie a tug,"I look like a piece of crap but it'll have to do because I cant be fucked doing anything about it."

"Frank you- fine. I've gotta go okay?"Miranda was frustrated.  
"Thanks Miranda. I owe you."  
"Damn right you do. It's all gonna be fine okay?"  
"Yup. Have fun at your party thing. Love you!"  
"Love you too, Frank."

I dropped my phone down onto my bed as Cas came out of the hotel bathroom.  
"Dude you need to fix your tie,"He smiled.  
"I know. I can't tie these things,"I sighed.  
"Here,"Cas walked over to me and grabbed my tie, pulling it out and redoing it.

"There,"He smiled as he tightened it,"That's much better."  
"Thanks."  
Last night, I had gotten very drunk. Cas had only been half as drunk but drunk enough to fuck me into the mattress.

"You ready to go?"I said as I grabbed my suit jacket.  
"Yup. You better not ditch me for your friends,"Cas said, pulling his own jacket on.  
"Wouldn't dream of it,"I smiled. He winked back at me before looping his arm through mine and  
we left to get to the ceremony.

-time lapse-

The address of the ceremony was two streets away from what used to be Dean's old house. Having to pass the street was making me feel extremely sick. I was doing whatever I could to banish the thoughts of that dreadful night but little flashes kept breaking through. Claire telling me how Dean had hurt her. Helping her climb out the window to get down the tree and into Gerard's car. Finding Lily tied up in the basement.

"Hey Frank you okay?"Cas placed his hand on my arm gently, pulling me out of my thoughts as the taxi slowed down.  
"Uh- yeah. Just a few bad memories,"I muttered, taking in a deep breath.  
"Aw well don't let them get you down. This is a happy day for celebrating!"He smiled widely at me.  
"Yeah. You're right,"I smiled back.

Despite not actually knowing Mr Stump or Miss Bellato for that long, it made me happy to know that they had thought to invite me. It made me even happier to realise they were getting married. Then it hit me that it had taken Mr Stump over ten fucking years to propose. I let out a chuckle at the thought.

"What are you laughing at?"Cas asked as the taxi stopped outside a big white house. The street was lined with vehicles and the sidewalks had people in nice clothing dotted about.  
"Just thinking. It's taken Mr Stump over ten years to pop the question,"I grinned and got out.  
"Seriously? Oh my god,"Cas chuckled at me over the top of the cab.

I paid the driver and folllowed Castiel up the pathway lined with rose bushes and pale green balloons. Both of us were silent as we followed the crowd into a large living room filled with people. The hum of conversation flooded my ears. I snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and handed one to Cas.

"So, see anyone you know?"Cas asked as we surveyed the room.  
"Nope. Not one person. I think I see one of my old teachers but I could be wrong,"I stared hard at the old guy staring back at me. After another second of awkward staring, he pushed away from the wall and made a beeline for me.

"Oh crap,"I groaned. it was my old english douchebag of a teacher.  
"Franklin Iero. Am I right?"He stared down at me from underneath his bushy grey eyebrows, towering over me and even Cas.  
"Yes Sir,"I muttered and took a sip of my drink, enjoying the fizz of the alcohol.

"What did you do to your hair?"He kept looking at me with this cold calculated glare.  
"I-,"I pasued, trying to remember how I had my hair at the moment. Black mohawk with bright red sides,"I made it the way I like it. What did you do to yours? A lot greyer than I remembered,"I smiled at him. A look of shock and outrage flashed across his face. Cas was just standing by, unsure of what to do.

"I always knew from the moment you transferred into my class you were bad news. And then there was that whole thing with that Dean guy. Just knew. And here you are, fresh out of prison sporting Mr Hotshot over here,"He nodded to Cas. I was about to look down at my feet to try and brush off his rudeness before I remembered that I was actually almost twenty five and wasn't a student of his.

"Look dude, I can't even remember your name. Thats how insignificant you are. You can judge me all you fucking want but I'm not actually going to care what you think about my choices. They were my choices and none of them concern you. So just fuck off will you?"  
"I- you-"He spluttered. I held the eye contact, enjoying the way he squirmed. He finally cleared his throat and left, literally choking on his own words.

"Go Frank,"Cas smiled at me in awe.  
"I can barely remember him at all. But I'm sure he was an asshole. He gave me proof of that anyway,"I grinned back at him. I took another look around the room. That was when I began to notice people looking at me. Talking to someone else, very obviously, about me.  
"They're all gossipping about me,"I sighed.

"Oh so let them gossip. They've got nothing better to do,"Cas sighed as I sculled the rest of my drink. A few seconds later someone appeared at my side, topping up my drink. As soon as it was done, he smiled and started to walk away but I stopped him. I drank all of my glass in one go and winked at him as he filled it up again.  
"Alright. I feel better,"I smiled widely. Cas gave me a worried look but before I could comment on it Mr Stump was suddenly in my face.

"Frank!"  
"Mr St- uh Patrick!"I amended myself as he embraced me in a hug.  
"Glad you could make it,"He let go of me and smiled at me widely from under bleach white hair.  
"Glad I could come,"I smiled back,"You look good man."  
"Yeah yeah you too. So uh who's your date?"

"Oh!"I grabbed Cas and dragged him next to me,"This is Castiel. He's my uh... We-"  
"Work mates but sort of getting closer,"Cas cut in.  
"Work mates hmm? Don't you own a coffee shop?"Patrick asked as I cringed inside. That would not work.  
"It's-"Cas started to say something but I stopped him.  
"It's a difficult story so saying work mates is just a lot easier,"I sighed.

Patrick nodded like he understood. We stood in silence for a second before he said,"No Claire? Lindsay's gonna be upset. She wanted to see how she was doing on the guitar."  
"Oh yeah uh Lily couldn't get the time off of work and she didnt really want Claire skipping school when she's got a big test coming up or something,"I shrugged my shoulders and drank the rest of my drink.

"Oh thats a shame. How is she doing on the guitat then?"  
"Brilliant! She a school play about a month ago and wrote some of the music and was part of the uh music people,"I smiled, happy to be showing off my little sister.  
"Really? Thats awesome. I-"Patrick cut off at some yelling in a different room,"Ugh, I'll be back."

I nodded and he was off in a flash.  
"When does the actual ceremony start?"Cas asked as I swapped my empty glass for a full one from a passing waiter.  
"Not sure. Why?"I asked, drinking most of my drink.  
"Because I was won- I think we should go into a different room,"Cas said suddenly, putting his arm around my waist and pushing me forwards.

With the alcohol already setting in, giving me a warm buzz in the pit of my stomach, I almost fell over. If it wasn't for Castiel's arm around my waist I would be on the floor.  
"What? Why?"I looked over my shoulder as we walked and saw the reason. He was scanning the room, looking for me probably. We escaped the room as Mikey appeared at his side, growling at him about something. Now we werein the kitchen.

"Oh look, we're starting the ceremony now,"Cas smiled at me as we saw people flooding out through the back door and into the garden. We joined the throng, me sweating ridiculously, and Cas looking happy to be there.

Out in the garden was beautiful. It was a wide open space filled with what seemed like a gazillion different flower bushes. There were about 5 trees bare of their leaves despite it being the middle of spring. All over the ground though was the blossom from the trees. There were about 300 chairs set up, all facing an altar. There was a huge archway covered with roses above where Patrick and Lindsay would soon agree to spend the rest of their life together.

It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining and there wasnt a cloud in sight. The air smelled sweet and there was a happy atmosphere. I shoved Gerard and that god forsaken song to the back of my mind and grabbed a seat at the end of a row close to the front.  
"No don't sit behind him he's a crazy murderer"Someone said not too quietly behind me. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I downed the last of my fourth glass as Cas placed his hand on my leg.

It took about ten minutes before everyone was seated and Patrick was up the front with the bridesmaids and groomsmen. At the sound of the music, everyone stood up and looked to the back where Lindsay was making her journey down the aisle. From what I could see, she looked utterly gorgeous. A long flowing white dress with her hair curling around her face. She looked beautiful. She reached the end of the aisle, we all sat down and the ceremony began.


	34. The Reception: Part 1

"How many is that now?"Cas asked.  
I looked down at my new glass of champagne, thinking hard,"Maybeeeeeeee um. I don't know. I lost count. It could be my sixth. But it could also be my tenth,"I smiled at him, leaning across the table towards him slightly.

In the back of my mind I knew that I should stop drinking. But in the front of my mind it was telling me that because the reception was being held in hotel Castiel and I were staying in, I could drink as much as I wanted.  
"Don't you think maybe you should stop?"Cas asked, grabbing my arm to stabilize me as I slipped and spilled my drink all over my arm and part of my leg.

"Damn,"I groaned, staring at the wasted bubbly in dismay.  
"I think that is a clear sign that you should stop drinking. Do you want me to take you upstairs to bed?"Cas asked me seriously.  
"Fuck no. It's barely over,"I giggled, drinking the last drips of champagne before stumbling to my feet.

"I want something other than champagne,"I sighed, looking around for something different.  
"How about some water? Or coffee? And then something to eat and then bed?"Castiel suggested. I turned to look at him, blinking away dizziness.  
"How about fuck off? I can handle myself, Cas,"I glared at him, feeling myself sway on the spot.  
"Are you sure about that?"Cas stood up, placing his hands on my arms as I struggled not to fall.

"Don't touch me. I can stand by myself,"I shoved his arms away.  
"Prove it,"Cas was pissed off. There was a hard look on his face as I stood up straight, somehow managing to stand still.  
"Fine,"Cas grumbled and sat back down, looking across the room at someone.

"Since when do you care about my drinking?"I sat back down, giving him a curious look.  
"Because its a little out of hand is all,"Cas muttered.  
"You have no right to say that. It's my life. Okay?"  
"I have every right to tell you that you have a problem. The first night I met you you got drunk straight away and fucked me and some guy from a hotel! The second time I saw you we got drunk and started making out on my couch. Last night, you got more drunk than me. Now, here I am, at a wedding for two people I have never met, watching you get drunk because you're too afraid to man up to your own feelings!"He shouted loudly.

"Oh well you're one to talk! You cant even tell your fucking wife that you're gay you fuckwit! Don't you dare say I'm too afraid to face my problems, when you cant even do that yourself!"I spat back at him. I jumped to my feet and gave him one last searching look before turning around and storming away to no where in particular. I found myself at a table full of food. My stomach gave a gurgle so I grabbed a plate from the stack at the end of the table and started loading my plate up.

Once I had filled it with all sorts of shit I sat down at an empty table and watched the people dancing while I ate my food glumly. Patrick and Lindsay were dancing to a song of their own, slow dancing close to the edge of the dance floor even though the song was an upbeat song. I smiled and shoved something in my mouth.

As soon as I got a taste of what it was I started coughing it out,"Oh jesus. Fuck!"I managed to spit it out onto my plate,"Why the fuck did I grab fucking salmon?"I asked myself out loud, ignoring the look from the people at the table next to me. I grabbed an empty cup and spat out as much as I could, fighting the urge to throw up from the taste.

When I looked up the first thing I saw was Cas on the dance floor making out with some chick I had seen making eyes at him. I checked myself for feelings and was grateful to find nothing. I had no feelings for Cas at all. Christ, why the fuck did I bring him here? All I had succeeded in doing was wrecking his marriage. At that thought, I stood up and made my way to the bathroom.

I barricaded myself in a cubicle and started dry retching into the toilet but for some reason, nothing wanted to come up. I gave up and sat back, pressing my cheek to the cold wall.  
"What the fuck is wrong with me?"I whispered, blinking the tears away. I was a terrible person. I killed eight people. Eight lives ended because of a blind fury and fucking unbalanced chemicals in my brain.

I took a deep breath and made myself get up from the floor. I took a deep breath and struggled to unlock the door. When I finally got it unlocked, I stumbled out into someone.  
"Shit I'm sorry,"I grumbled, grabbed their arms to stabilize them but froze when I looked up into Gerard's shocked face. I let go, turned and fled the bathroom.


	35. The Reception: Part 2

I darted behind a couple talking to each other as Gerard burst out of the toilets, searching the room for me frantically. I spotted a table with only one empty seat and rushed over to it, muttering an apology to the people talking. I glanced over my shoulder to where Gerard was slowly making his way back over to his table.

"Sorry theres just someone here that I don't want to see,"I smiled apologetically at the two people still staring at me. Everyone else had continued with their conversation like normal. When I saw Gerard sit back down looking ridiculously depressed, I took in a deep breath and tried to organise my thoughts.

The last time Gerard and I had seen each other we had argued quite badly. Why was he suddenly desperate to talk to me? Like yesterday at the fair. He must have seen the effect that song had on me. I checked myself for feelings and was dismayed to find not just a few nostalgic ones, but full on fucking love for the dude. I let out a groan and looked for a drink. But there were none.

"You alright there sonny?"The old lady next to me put her arm on my shoulder.  
"Yeah I just need a- a uh- a thing. What do you call that liquid that makes you feel better?"I slurred.  
"Alcohol?"  
"Yes! Thats the one!"I shouted, giving her a fright,"Sorry."  
"The bar is over there,"She pointed to a long bar behind the tables of food.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much!"I smiled.

I got up and made my way over there, constantly checking over my shoulder to make sure Gerard hadnt seen me. Then I lost sight of his table behind the dancefloor. I walked into a chair and had to give myself a few seconds before continuing my journey to the bar. There were a few people sitting with their own drinks.

"Can I please get a rum and coke With no ice?"I sighed at one of the bartenders. He nodded and pulled a glass up.  
"Whatever man will you please just give me a whiskey?"I heard someone groan loudly. I froze, unable to move anything but my head to look down the bar.

"Sir? Your drink?"The bartender was talking to me but it wasn't making any sense,"Sir? Hellooo?!"  
Gerard's head snapped to me at the sound of the bartender basically yelling at me. We stared at each other for a minute before I tore my eyes away from him and grabbed my rum and coke. I drank it in one go and stumbled away.

"Wait- Frank no wait- shit!"Gerard called out behind me. There was a clatter as his chair fell to the ground but I ignored it, trying to get through the crowd. I was short, I could lose him easily. I found myself at the crowded dance floor, stared for a second before diving in. I pushed right through to the busiest part, the middle.

I took a look around for Gerard but I couldn't see him so I stood there awkwardly in between thriving bodies. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. Twenty to eleven.  
"Dance with me,"He whispered in my ear, wrapping his arm around my waist.  
"I dont want-"  
"Just give me the time of day would you?"Gerard slurred as he nudged my feet to start moving.

"It's not even day time,"I found myself saying as we moved to the music. I hadnt even noticed my arms wrap around his neck.  
"Whatever just- hear me out,"He sighed, his breath tickling my neck.

I looked up at him, lacingmy fingers together so they could hang loosely. Outside, I was making sure he knew how much I wanted to leave. But on the inside I was trying to ignore how fucking good it felt to be back in his arms.  
"Go on then. What have you got to say?"I made the mistake of looking into his eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something but then he caught sight of my eyes and I just knew he could fucking tell. He slowly shut his mouth, pulling my eyes down to his lips. I couldn't help but lick mine at the thought of kissing his again. Feeling that softness. That bittersweet taste of Gerard.

I looked back into Gerard's eyes and could see the want in them. The lust, desire and the fucking love. I closed my eyes for a second, trying not to let it get to me. I was drunk. Too drunk to be doing anything like this. This was something I should be doing sober. If Gerard and I were going to talk then it had to be sober. I couldn't be drunk. Drunk me was just stupid and horny 99% of the time.

I opened my eyes right as Gerard's lips crashed into mine. And then I was floating. Floating in the sweet nostalgia of that day so long ago when he had kissed me for the first time. I floated through time to when he had pushed me up against Bob's car. Then I could barely see as I sped forwards, slowing to a stop at suicide point. I could see us so clearly in the back of my mind, our first proper proper date. Then I was moving again and it was my birthday and I had just gotten out of the shower after having pumpkin soup thrown all over me. I was naked and still wet but Gerard was still holding me close, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, telling me I was his pumpkin. Just as the rest of the words started to come back to me I was pushed forward even faster. I stopped at the night before I ruined everything. The night before I snuck off to kill Cole. Gerard whispering he loved me. Three words in the darkness. Eight letters against my skin. And then suddenly I was ripped away from that night and was standing in the middle of a dance floor and I was kissing Gerard and he was kissing me back.

Beneath the taste of cigarettes and alcohol, I could still taste him and it was amazing. The sober me was in the middle of a battle with drunk me. Fighting to get through to tell me I shouldn't be doing this drunk. But drunk me won. Drunk me was telling me to take him upstairs to my room. So I did. I pushed him away slightly to whisper in his ear,"My room's upstairs."

His arms around me tightened before letting go of me completely. One hand grabbed mine and started tugging me through the people. Out into the foyer. Into the elvator. I blindly jabbed at my floor before pulling Gerard against my body again, biting his bottom lip.

I must have blacked out for a minute because the next thing I knew I was struggling to focus on kissing Gerard and swiping my key card to actually get in the room.  
"Wait-"I mumbled against his mouth. He stopped kssing me so I could actually get the door open.

As soon as it was open, he pushed me inside and kicked the door shut behind us. I sent out a silent thanks to Cas for not bringing that girl up here. After that my thoughts were a little different. Before Gerard could take control, I grabbed his hips and pushed him backwards into the door with a thump, slipping my tongue into his mouth as my hands roamed around to squeeze his firm ass.

He moaned into my mouth, biting down on my tongue slightly. My dick twitched, already pressing up against the seam of my pants. Gerard's hands were in my hair, on my back, on my hips, fucking everywhere. I moved my mouth along his jawline and down his neck, back up to nibble softly on his earlobe. I felt him shiver beneath me. He thrust his hips forward into mine. That was when I decided we both had too many clothes on.

"Gerard- Gee take your clothes off,"I stammered out. Within a minute we were both naked and Gerard was backing me towards the bed. My eyes roved over his body, taking in the glory that I hadn't seen in so fucking long. I fell backwards, hitting the bed with a soft thump. Gerard stood above me, taking in the new tattoos probably.

"Fucking- touch me,"I whined, hooking my legs around his waist and pulling him down on top of me. He muttered something incoherent against my skin, kissing his way down my torso. I squeezed my eyes shut as his mouth brushed against my leaking cock, aching to be touched. As if he read my mind, his mouth closed over the head, sucking it in and licking at the slit.

"Oh fuck,"I grunted, grabbing his head and holding him there. It was taking all the willpower I had in me not to buck my hips up as Gerard went down and down, taking most of my dick into his mouth. A squeak of protest escaped my mouth as he pulled off.  
"Fuck my mouth, Frank,"He looked at me through the hair falling in front of his face.

Before I could answer, Gerard's mouth was back, kissing up the shaft before he went down again and I did what he said. I let loose and gave my hips control. I let go of his head and grabbed at the bedding underneath me, twisting it up in my fists as Gerard pushed me towards the edge.

My hips started stuttering as the pit of my stomach tickled at me.  
"Gerard- fuck,"I looked down at him. The sight of my cock going in and out of his mouth pushed me completely off the edge,"Oh fuck- mother of god,"I shouted out, coming down Gerard's throat. He worked me through my climax, my body twitching with aftershocks, before he climbed up the bed, straddling me.

My hand hooked around his neck and dragged him down so I could smush my lips against his for a kiss. Gerard propped himself up above me, his arms either side, gripping my head softly as my free hand reached down and gripped his cock in my hand. He thrust down at my touch, letting out a breath of relief against my neck.

I started jerking him off, tight and precise. I used my free hand to grab his chin, making him look at me. His half lidded eyes looked into mine. They were so full of love and desire I was surprised he wasn't crying with the strength of the emotions. Bleeding his love all over me.  
"Gerard this is..."I started to say it was going to be a one night stand but I blacked out so I couldn't be sure if I got it out or not.


	36. The Morning After

Someone was hammering on my head. They had stuffed my mouth full of cotton and were jumping on my head. I opened my eyes but shut them straight away, making the same mistake I made damn near every time I woke up with a hangover. I felt around for my bedside table, wondering if Miranda had left me aspirin like usual.

When I couldn't find anything, I forced my eyes open to see.  
"Oh fuck,"I groaned. I was in the hotel room. I pulled a pillow over my head, trying to remember something. The last thing I remembered was watching Lindsay and Patrick have their first dance. Jesus christ. How much did I drink last night? I wondered.

"Cas. Do you have any aspirin? Or water?"I choked out. There was a muffled grunt next to me. I smiled slightly before falling asleep again. I woke up again to the sound of shouting outside. I tried so hard to get back to sleep, still not feeling any better than before but my stomach gurgled and decided it didn't want anything inside of it.

"Oh fuck,"I groaned and jumped out of bed. I kicked open the door to the bathroom and collapsed in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach into it. When I was confident it was all gone, I spat into the toilet, flushed it and got up to wash my mouth out. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection.

What was I doing this to myself? I looked like shit. My eyes had huge bags under them and my cheeks were almost hollow. My chest was covered in lovebites. I turned the tap on and washed my mouth out with water.  
"Oh jesus. Where am I?"I heard Cas say.

"You're in a hotel in Jersey, Cas,"I called, wiping my face with a towel before walking out.  
"Frank?"Gerard squinted at me. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked like shit but not as bad as I did. At least he looked like he ate.  
"I- you- we- last night I- we didnt-"I couldn't manage to string together any words to form a sentence.

Gerard and I stared at each other before I jumped into action. I scooped up some clothes from my suitcase lying open beneath the window, grabbed my phone from a desk and locked myself in the bathroom.  
"Frank dont do that! We need to talk about this!"  
"Nope. What's there to talk about?"I called back,"Nothing happened okay? I can't remember anything from about seven or eight last night okay? It. Didn't. Happen. Please get dressed and leave."

I heard him sigh, defeated,"I cant remember anything either but I still think we should talk about this."  
I ignored him and pulled on the boxers that I had grabbed. I grabbed my phone and speed dialled Miranda. She answered on the second ring.

"Frank! Hey!"  
I winced at the loudness,"Please dont yell,"I groaned, clutching at my head in hope of it feeling better.  
"Oh jesus. How much did you drink?"She sighed.  
"Not sure. The last thing I remember was about seven or eight."

"Christ Frank. Well- did you talk to Gerard? Or do you not remember?"  
"Uh-"If I told her, it would make it seem more real. Maybe if I didn't tell her, it really would be like it didnt happen,"Nope. Cas sort of kept him away for me."

Fuck. Cas. A flash of him yelling at me burst into my head.  
"I guess thats something. I half expected you to get drunk and sleep with Gerard,"Miranda chuckled.  
"Heh. Yeah,"I coughed out,"So I was just calling to check in with you. But I'm- I'm gonna go down and grab some breakfast."

"Alright. You're getting your flight back to Washington tomorrow right? And then you'll be back in San Diego by night time?"  
"Yeah. I'll call you tomorrow before my flight yeah?"  
"Alright. Have fun Frank but just- dont get drunk again tonight. It isnt good for you. Okay?"  
"Mmm hmm,"I balled my hands into fists as I heard the hotel room door shut.

"See you soon Frank."  
"See you soon,"I sighed through clenched teeth. I dropped my phone at my side, took in a deep shuddering breath and made myself get dressed. I opened the door to find Cas sitting on the couch.

"Frank? You okay?"He croaked.  
"I- yeah. You?"  
"My head hurts and I'm starving."  
"Same,"I chuckled and sat on the end of the bed, watching him awkwardly.

"Frank I want to apologise for the way I spoke to you last night. I haven't really known you for long and I don't even know you that well so I shouldnt be accusing you of having a drinking problem because of other ones. You were right. I have no right to do that when I can't even face up to my wife and tell her that I dont love her,"Castiel put his head in his hands as the memory hit me in the face.

"You don't have to be sorry, Cas..."I flopped down onto my back, causing a flash of last night. Gerard standing over me. I shook it out of my head and sighed,"I dont think I should have brought you here."  
"I'm starting to wonder why I said yes,"Cas chuckled.

"Where uh where did you sleep?"I cleared my throat, lifting my head slightly to look at him.  
"With this woman who was apparently only looking to get laid as well."  
"Woman?"  
"Shocked me just as much as you."

I took a deep breath tried to relax myself.  
"Do you need some aspirin? I've got some in my bag,"Cas said suddenly. The noise of him rifling through his bag made me wince. This was the worst hangover I had ever had. Ever.  
"Thank you,"I murmured, taking the pills and bottle of water.

Once I had forced myself to swallow them down, Cas took the empty bottle from me and threw it into his suitcase,"Wanna grab some breakfast?"  
"Yeah. Okay,"I sighed. I went to my suitcase and pulled out a t-shirt and shoved it on.

On our way down the hall, there was loads of shouting coming from one of the rooms. A door opened and a woman stumbled out.  
"Good thing you've got your suitcase packed,"A man snarled,"You wont be coming back home."

She turned around, taking a step into the door,"Matt wait- ah!"She shouted out as she was pushed backwards so hard she fell to the floor. Cas and I had been frozen up until this point but as soon as she hit the floor we were moving forwards.  
"Hey!"I shouted just as the door was about to close.

"What do you want?"A tall tall tall man stepped out and glared down at me. He was at least three heads taller than me.  
"I want you to apologise to her,"I spat back.  
"Cas?"The woman stuttered.

"Thats the guy you screwed?"The guy shoved past me and looked down to where Cas was comforting the poor woman.  
"Yes. And as you can tell, he is a hell of a lot nicer than you!"She shouted, her words striking a gong in my head multiple times.

"Fuck you, Maree! How dare you say something like that when you're the one who got drunk and slept with some pretty boy dick!"The guy yelled so loudly I felt like my head was going to burst.  
"Look man, will you just apologise for shoving her to the ground?!"Cas said as he helped her up,"No one deserves to get shoved to the ground like that for making a mistake while being drunk alright?!"

"Fuck you! How fucking dare you!"He took a step closer. I closed my eyes as they all started shouting. If I didn't do something, this guy was probably going to hit Castiel. I could tell with the way he was sizing himself up next to him. Getting in his face.

"ALRIGHT!"I roared over the top of them. All of them stopped yelling and looked at me, shocked that such a small person could be so loud,"Now listen to me and fucking listen good. I have the worst hangover I have ever had okay? Last night I was more drunk than you three were, put together. Yelling at each other is not going to fucking solve anything alright? You,"I jabbed my finger into the big guys chest,"Don't shove people to the ground alright? Apologise."

"But-"  
"Apologise!"I snarled.  
He snapped his mouth shut and shoved my hand down but turned to her anyway,"Maree I'm sorry for pushing you around and pushing you to the ground. I let my anger and hurt get the better of me and I shouldn't have let that happen. I'm sorry,"He dropped his head in shame.  
"Thank you. I accept your apology and I forgive you for it,"She said quietly.

"Now, you both have a very big choice to make. You,"I pointed at the guy,"You need to figure out if you can forgive her for making a mistake while drunk. If you can, and she still wants to be with you, then you guys can move on with your lives together. If not, I expect you to talk about it and handle it like civilized adults. Not twelve year olds in a fucking school yard. Now, I am starving because I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday morning so I am going to get some breakfast."

I let out a huff and pushed past them all, jabbing the elevator button hard. I massaged my head, willing the aspirin to start working. The door dinged open and I stepped inside.  
"You're wasting yout time being a coffee maker,"Cas suddenly jumped in before the doors closed.  
"What makes you say that?"  
"What you did back there? That was awesome. You should be a mediator or whatever they're called. You know, in law firms. You could stop people from fighting. You would make loads more money probably."

"Sounds fun. But I'm happy owning my shop,"I smiled, pushing away from the wall as the doors dinged open again. We stepped out into the busy foyer and made our way back into the wide open space hired out by Lindsay and Patrick. The happy couple were already downstairs, feeding each other bacon and eggs. Cas and I wordlessly found two seats after grabbing a plate of breakfast. In, silence, we ate.


	37. The Reception: Part 3

Gerard's POV

I stared around glumly at the happy people. Their stupid smiles and loud laughs were surrounding me. Making me want to curl up and die. Across the room I could see Frank drinking shots with that guy with the pretty eyes. I had had the misfortune to bump into him in the bathroom earlier on.

"Leave Frank alone,"He had said,"He doesn't love you anymore. You're just trouble."  
"So what he loves you now?"I had snarled up at him. He was slightly more than me. Very obviously, he could take me out. But that hadn't stopped me from getting angry.  
"Pfft. No. Haven't known him long enough. My daughter is friends with Claire,"He laughed in my face.

"So how would you know if he loves me or not?"  
"He told me. That first night we slept together, couple of months ago, the morning after he told me it was a mistake because he had a boyfriend that he loved back home,"He had slurred, almost spitting on me as he talked.  
"Look, I've known Frank for damn near ten years. Alright? You've barely known him six fucking months. Why don't you just fuck up and off for me."

He snorted at me,"Doesn't make a difference how long you've known him. He still said to me, Claire and Lily, that he doesn't love you anymore. You need to move on,"He suddenly turned compassionate, looking at me sadly and placing a hand on my arm,"There's no point in putting yourself through this torture. Move on to someone better."

Before I could say something back he had wiped his wet hands on my arms and left. Right now, the guys were all laughing loudly, grating against my nerves. I took one look at them all looking merry before getting up with a groan and pushing through the people. I made my way outside and pulled my smokes out of my pocket.

There were a few people sitting on a bench smoking but I didn't feel like standing awkwardly next to them or having to make conversation so I turned and started walking down the sidewalk. I passed a few shops and rounded a corner, lighting up as I went.

There weren't many people on the street, a man with a hoodie across the road. I woman on my side, walking towards me in a rush. I continued walking until I found myself at a park that I hadn't even known existed. I walked across to sit on one of the swings, turning into a fourteen year old girl, thinking about how bad life sucks at a playground.

I stared into nothing and tried to figure out what to do. I really needed a drink but I was determined not to get drunk. I couldn't remember much from last night but I could remember Frank saying how much he had needed it. If blue-eyes was right about him having a boyfriend, it cant have been a very good relationship if he was cheating and telling me he needed it. Maybe there was hope for me.

I pulled my phone out with a sigh.  
"Fuck,"I groaned. I had been gone damn near an hour. How had the time even passed that fast? I jumped to my feet and jogged back to the hotel. Mikey would be shitting himself. I burst back into the hotel foyer and froze at the scene playing out in front of me.

"Cas you had no fucking right,"Frank glared up at him.  
"I was trying to help you. Jesus Frank, you dont need to get so mad,"He glared down at him, swaying on the spot.  
"No need? You told a huge fucking lie!"Frank growled.

"Oh really? Is that why you drink so much? Just like I said last night Frank. You're too afraid to face up to your feelings. You're almost thirty years old. Grow the fuck up,"He spat at him, shoving him backwards. Oh fuck no.  
"Hey! Don't you touch him!"I shouted, marching over with my angriest walk.  
"Oh look who it is. Mr Problem Causer,"Cas spread his arms wide as if he was welcoming me.

I opened my mouth to say something but then all this shouting ensued. At first I thought it was someone to stop us from arguing but then I saw Patrick and Lindsay leaving the room followed by people shouting out cat calls and wishes of happiness. Frank, Cas and I took a step back to watch them leave.

I couldn't help but smile at them. Once they were out the door and everyone was slowly filing back, I looked to where Frank and Cas had been standing but they were gone.  
"Gerard!"Someone shouted. I spun around, hoping it was Frank but it was just Mikey looking furious.

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I joined everyone heading back to the dancefloor.  
"Gerard don't ignore me. Where the hell have you been?"  
"I went for a smoke."  
"Well it would have been nice to know. I thought you had gone to do something stupid,"He said quietly as we stood at the edge of the dancefloor.

I looked at him like he was an idiot,"I'm not going to try and kill myself again. Alright?"  
"Yeah but the last time I caught you trying to sneak off, thats what you said. But you still did try. So I'm sorry if I get a little worried alright?"Mikey looked at me seriously,"Just fucking talk to me."  
I nodded,"I'm sorry Mikey. I didn't mean to alarm you."

He shook his head,"Just- don't do it again. Alright?"  
I nodded again and sighed,"I think I'll have one drink."  
"Don't get as drunk as you did last night,"Mikey patted me on the back before moving around the side of the dancefloor back to our table.

I squeezed between people and arrived at the bar,"Can I get a shot of vodka and a scotch on the rocks?"I smiled at the bartender.  
"Sure thing,"She smiled back and went to make my drinks. I jumped up on a barstool and stared at the black countertop.

A minute later she thumped them down in front of me with a wink. I took my shot of vodka quickly, screwing my face up at the burning in my throat.  
"You wanna know what we were arguing about?"A voice said close by as I took a sip of my scotch.

I turned and almost spat out my drink.  
"When I saw you leave for whatever reason, I got another drink. He told- Cas told me I could stop drinking because he had solved my problem for me."  
"Frank-"  
"I asked him what he meant and he says 'I told that guy you've got a boyfriend back home and that I dont love you anymore'. I was sooooooooo angry,"Frank slurred, tumbling off of his seat to sit next me.

"Frank-"  
"I told him he shouldnt have lied to you like that. Told him he needs to butt out. Then I think thats when you came in and saved me!"He slapped his hand on the back of my shoulder. I could barely breathe. That guy, Cas, had lied to me in the bathroom? I took a big gulp of my drink.

"He's gone back to our room. He told me he was leaving tonight. I don't even know why i brought him here,"Frank let go of my shoulder and thumped his head down on the bar. I had absolutely no idea what to say.

"You know, for three and a half years I was angry at you. Angry at myself really. But I took it all out on you. That day when the warden told me your message? That you were going to stop trying to contact me? Thats when I realised how much I needed you to need me. I think thats when you chopped a great big whopping chunk of my heat off and took it. You,"Frank looked at me, giggling like a little boy,"You didn't even need to be near me to do it. You just- left... Gave up..."

"I got out of prison and tried calling you. It just kept ringing and ringing. Thats when I met my best friends. Deandra, Marcie and Vicky. And then Miranda. Great girls. You'd like them,"Frank pointed at me,"When we finally got the house done and my shop open we went out for celebritytory drinks. That was the start of my drinking problem. I would always have one night stands with guys that reminded me of you. Too drunk to remember my choice. I've tried filling the hole in my heart with booze and strangers. It works for the night but in the morning the hole's empty again. So I do it again, hoping that maybe this time it will stay full."

"This one day, I was looking at a picture of me, Claire, Lily and Mum. Thats when I thought that maybe, they were why I had this hole in my heart. I went looking for them. That's when I met Cas. He hit on me my first night in Odessa. The morning after, after the third guy left, he went out and bought coffee and donuts for us. Thats when the hole was half full. Then I found Claire and Lily and everything in my life was perfect. They filled the rest of the hole and I felt good."

Frank turned in his seat,"You should see 'em Gerard. Lily is so much older and so confident. Happy. She's got a job and an apartment full of furniture she paid for herself. I'm so proud of her. And Claire. She's so big now! She's fucking awesome. Witty. Talented. Beautiful. So proud of her as well. After everything she's gone through, she's turned out fan-fucking-tastic,"He smiled a sad smile at me.

"Frank..."I said softly, trying to take in what he was telling me.  
"I'm sorry for bothering you,"Frank sighed and left. I turned and watched him go. Watched as he stumbled past tables towards the bathroom. I felt terrible right now. I should be feeling something like sympathy for Frank. But all I could think abotu was that Cas had lied to me in the bathroom. I couldn't let myself hope that he still loved me. But I knew I could hope that Frank was just as lonely as I was. If it weren't for the band I probably would have spiralled downwards like him.

I finished my drink and asked for another, needing it desperately after that.  
"Hey Gerard you okay?"Mikey was suddenly at my side.  
"Uh- yeah,"I faked a smile for him as my drink was set down in front of me. Already I could feel it having an effect on me.  
"You sure? You wanna talk about anything?"  
"No... Not really... Not right now anyway,"I sighed, drinking down most of my drink.

"Okay well... I'm here for you when you do want to talk. Kay? Slow down on those as well,"Mikey nudged my empty glass and left me alone. I took in a deep breath and finished my drink before leaving the bar. I needed fresh air. I made my way to the doors and stepped out into the foyer.

"Come with me,"Someone whispered in my ear, an arm snaking around my waist.  
"Frank I-"  
"Please, Gerard. I need this. I need you,"He said quietly, pushing me towards the elevator. The need in his voice pushed all other thought out of my mind.  
"Your room?"  
"Cas is gone already,"He answered back.

We were silent in the ride upstairs. Close enough to touch but not actually touching. When the door dinged open, Frank strode out, grabbing my hand in the process, to march us down the hall to his room. Frank opened the door for me, letting me go in first. I walked in and turned to watch Frank close the door quietly, leaning against the door.

"Gerard..."Frank said to the door. He turned around and looked at me from beneath his hair, eyes dark and full of mystery. Heflicked off the light and took a step closer,"Gerard...I haven't been honest with you... or myself for that matter...I miss you. I whole fucking lot. I want you back in my life. I need you back in my life."

He took a deep breath before taking the last few steps towards me, wrapping his arms around me as his lips connected with mine, causing that spark to go off in my stomach. My hands found his hair as he pushed me backwards and down onto the bed. The next few minutes passed by in a blur. I was still trying to get over what Frank had said.

"Gerard are you okay?"Frank whispered in the darkness, pulling my shirt over the top of my head.  
"I- yeah,"I smiled at him a genuinely happy smile. He probably couldn't even see me.  
"God I've missed your smile,"Frank said softly, dragging a hand down my cheek.

He kissed me but for some reason, I pulled away.  
"Gerard, what's wrong?"Frank put his forehead on mine, his hands on my shoulders.  
"I don't think I- I don't think I want to..."I said quietly. I had no idea where this was coming from.  
"Why?"He breathed on my face.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the golf ball in my throat,"I don't feel comfortable. Something seems... Off..."  
"Is it because I'm drunk?"  
"Maybe... Not sure..."

Frank kissed me softly on the lips,"I'm not gonna force you to or anything. I'm actually a little tired anyway. We can just lie for a bit. If you want?"  
"That- that would be nice..."  
Frank nodded and climbed off of me. He pulled his pants off and climbed into the bed in just his underwear as I did the same.

After a few seconds of awkwardness, he was resting his head on my chest and my arms were wrapped around him.  
"I'm sorry, Frank..."I whispered.  
"Don't worry about it,"He sighed sleepily, snuggling closer to me.

"Goodnight Frank."  
"Night, Gerard."  
I closed my eyes and willed the sleep to come.  
"I love you,"Frank spoke into the darkness,"I still do. Never really stopped,"Frank pushed himself up and looked at me.  
"I love you too Frank. I always have, always will."

He leaned up and pressed his lips to mine. He went to pull back but I placed my hand on the back of his head and held him there til I needed air,"Promise me you'll remember this in the morning. Promise me."  
"I promise,"He kissed me again before snuggling back down. I couldn't sleep after that. I just lay there, holding him, full of sunlight.


	38. A Different Kind Of Hangover

Frank's POV

There was a weird warmth around me. Something I wasn't used to having when I woke up with a hangover. And my briefs were on. Another thing I wasn't used to having with a hangover. As I woke up properly, I became aware of two things. One, a soft breathing behind me and two, an arm draped across my stomach.

I never woke up like this. The last time I had woken up like this was with Cas and that guy from the hotel. And then before that was with Gerard. I froze as I remembered where I was and who had been at the wedding. I vaguely remembered following Gerard into the foyer but that was about it.

I closed my eyes and willed the pounding in my head to go away as Gerard's arm slithered off of me with a loud snore from him. I turned to look at him. He looked just as peaceful as I remembered. His hair splayed everywhere at every angle. I smirked slightly before crawling quietly out of the bed. I pulled my clothes on quietly, throwing the leftover luggage into my suitcase. I was desperate for a shower but I didn't want to risk waking Gerard. For all I knew, he was more hungover than I was.

"Frank?"Gerard said groggily. I poked my head out of the bathroom, toothpaste and toothbrush in hand,"Are you- are you leaving?"  
"My-"I cleared my throat,"My flight is in a few hours. I have to leave soon."  
"Oh... I should probably go and ask Mikey what time our flight is as well..."He looked down, picking at a loose thread on the blanket.

I walked out and dumped my toiletries into my suitcase,"Hey uh- I woke up with my boxers on... Did we not-"  
"Do you not remember last night?"He asked quietly, not looking up at me.  
"I was wasted. Completely smashed. I vaguely remember following you into the foyer but thats about it."

"Yeah I was pretty drunk as well. Don't remember much,"Gerard shrugged and turned his back on me. I had a strong feeling that he was ridiculously upset but I had no reason to do anything about it.  
"So,"I paused in zipping up my suitcase,"Neither of these nights happened?"  
"I uh-"He cleared his throat and turned around as he pulled his shirt over his head,"Yeah sure. No problem."

"Thanks,"I smiled gratefully. I grabbed my jacket and did a quick check to make sure I had everything. Miranda was going to be so mad at me. I pushed that thought out of my head and dragged my suitcase to the door,"I'll uh... Goodbye Gerard."  
"Bye..."Gerard uttered out. I took one last look through the door at his crestfallen face before letting it click closed.

Downstairs, I paid the bill for the room and left the hotel for good. I had an hour before I had to be at the airport so I decided to take hire one of the hotels cars and take a drive around town. I wasn't really driving to anywhere in particular but I wasn't surprised when I found myself outside The Magic Bean. Or what used to be The Bean.

I pulled the hired car over and got out as the door opened and two men walked out, carrying a table over to a truck. I got out and walked through the open door. There were a few more men inside, basically tearing the place down.  
"Excuse me. You're not authorized to be here. This is a building site. Dangerous,"A builder shouted at me.

"Sorry I- I used to work here is all."  
"Used to work here? You're not uh- that guy that-"  
"Frank!"Harry's voice boomed over the top of all the noise. He walked out from the storage room.

"Harry, hi."  
"You've got a nerve coming back here,"He strode up to me, the angriest look on his face.  
"I-"  
"Because of you, Diane is dead. Di is gone and its all your fault. Lost the business because of you. I lost the best friend I've ever had. Because of you. Get out,"He spat.

I backed away a few steps before turning around and rushing back out to my car. I jumped in and drove away as fast as I could. I pulled into the school car park before changing my mind and driving straight to the house. There was a lot of shouting when I walked through the door. I could hear Taylor's voice booming over the top of them suddenly.

"Hellooo?"I called and walked into the dining room where a bunch of kids were sitting down yelling over something.  
"Alright!"Someone yelled behind me,"That is enough! Everybody shut- Frank?"Steven made me turn around.

"Steven! Hey!"I smiled widely.  
"Jesus christ Frank,"Steven pulled me into a hug, the dining room going quiet to watch.  
"Frankie! Hey!"Taylor moved around the table and pulled me into a hug.  
"What are you doing here?"He punched my arm lightly.  
"I was here for a wedding. I can't stay. I just popped in to say a quick hello. I've gotta get to the airport."

"Do you have to leave right now?"Steven asked me sadly.  
"Yeah,"I nodded,"Sorry. I'll try and make it back here for a visit one day."  
"You better. And bring Gerard with you. Aint seen that boy in years,"Steven sighed.  
"I uh- yeah sure. Take care you guys,"I smiled and waved a hand before leaving as fast as possible. That had been a bit more awkward than I had originally thought.

I got in my car and drove around the corner and stopped outside of Ryan's house. I glanced at my phone as I walked up the path. I had about twenty minutes before I had to leave. I knocked on the door, feeling jittery for some reason.  
"Hello? May I help you?"Ryan's mother opened the door.  
"Hi uh- I'm Frank. A friend of Ryan's. Is he here?"I asked hopefully. It was only just occurring to me that he had probably moved out.

"As a matter of fact he is. Come in,"She smiled and opened the door wider for me.  
"Ryan! A friend of yours is here!"She shouted. She looked a lot different to when I had last seen her. Not as posh seeming as before.  
"I'm coming!"Ryan yelled back as she led me down the hallway into the kitchen.

"Do you want a drink?"She asked, opening the fridge and staring into it like it held the answers.  
"Uh- no I'm fine thanks. I can't stay long. Got to get to the airport soon,"I smiled at her as there was some thumping in the hall.

"Frank! Holy crap man! What are you doing here?!"Ryan shouted at the sight of me.  
"I was here for Mr Stump and Miss- well Mrs now, Mrs Bellato's wedding,"I smiled, hugging him back as he basically slammed into me.  
"You're lucky you cam by now. I was about to leave for the airport. I moved to New York,"He grinned at me.

"Really? Thats awesome man,"I smiled,"I've gotta leave for the airport soon as well. Do you wanna go together?"  
"Yeah! We can taxi together. Save money,"He smiled,"I'll run and grab my bag because I've gotta leave now."

I nodded and awkwardly watched as he left to go upstairs.  
"So where are you headed?"Ryan's mother asked me.  
"I'm going to Washington to go see my two sisters for a couple of days before I go home to San Diego,"I smiled.  
"Oh thats nice. You got a family? Back home?"

"No just my friends that I live with. My two sisters are all I've got left and they live in Washington."  
"Thats a shame. I've only got Ryan left now so I know what its like when your only family lives far away,"She smiled at me sympathetically.  
"What about Mr Ross?"  
"I caught him with his dick up his colleague when we were in San Diego,"She smiled widely.

"Oh god. I'm- I'm sorry,"I stammered out, begging for Ryan to get downstairs.  
"Dont be. Was a good thing. He's there now, still banging her I presume, meanwhile I get the house and most of the money!"She smiled even wider. I could see the sadness in her eyes though. She was lonely. I knew that look.

"Okay, I'm ready to go,"Ryan called, dragging his suitcase behind him.  
"Alright darling. Have a safe flight alright?"She opened her arms wide for a hug.  
"You call me if you need anything okay? You wanna talk I'll be there. You need me I will be on the next flight here, okay?"Ryan squeezed her tight.  
"Same goes to you,"She smiled, kissing him on the forehead.

"I love you, Mum,"Ryan smiled as we walked.  
"It was good seeing you Ms. Ross,"I smiled and followed Ryan. I helped him put his suitcase in the car, forcing it in next to mine.  
"We probably could have just put it in the backseat you know,"Ryan said once we were in the car.  
"Probably,"I chuckled.


	39. The Airport

"Have you had breakfast?"I asked as we finished going through baggage check and all that shit.  
"Nope. You?"  
"Not a bite. Keen?"I asked, already heading towards the food court.  
"Definitely,"He agreed.

We pushed through the crowds and got onto the escalator up towards the smell of food.  
"Even though its breakfast I really want sushi,"I said as we reached the top.  
"I could easily go for some Subway,"Ryan said as we stopped at the edge of the tables.  
"Split up and meet at that tree there?"I pointed to one close to where there was a group of bins.  
"Deal."

I headed off towards the sushi place, willing everyone to be quiet. My head was still killing me and what I really needed before food was a fucking coffee. I altered my course to an expensive looking cafe.  
"Can I grab a hazelnut latte?"I smiled at the cashier.  
"What size?"She replied in a bored tone.  
"Biggest."

She tilled it up,"Five ninety,"She stared at me, daring me to complain about the ridiculous price.  
"Awesome,"I handed over whatever cash was in my wallet. A twenty. She didn't say anything as she handed me my change.

I sat down at an empty table and massaged my head while I waited for my coffee.  
"Can I please get a butterscotch mocha, regular, and Mikey what do you want?"  
"Just a hot chocolate,"Mikey yawned as my head snapped up. Fuck. I turned in my seat slowly, begging for them not to see.

"Hazelnut mocha?!"Someone shouted. I jumped up and grabbed my drink. I could feel Gerard's eyes on me already.  
"Mikey pay her will you? I'm gonna-"  
"Gerard dont- dammit."

"Gerard leave me alone,"I said firmly as I walked away.  
"Frank why are you doing this?"Gerard grabbed my shoulder and made me stop. He moved in front of me and looked at me seriously.  
"Look, after we do this festival, we continue our tour over here and we're hitting California first. Can we please get a coffee and talk about things?"

"No. Gerard. I don't want to 'get a coffee and talk' because there is nothing to talk about. I was drunk. Ridiculously drunk. So drunk that I'm probably going to fucking die soon because of it. I don't remember anything that happened but clearly you remember something. But know this, I was drunk. Whatever it is you seem to think I said, whether I told you you looked good, whatever, I was drunk. And I didn't mean any of it."

A look of hurt crossed his face,"Don't know why I didn't expect this,"He muttered.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Nothing just- ugh this isn't fair! Why are you doing this to me?!"He grabbed at his hair in frustration.  
"I'm not doing anything but telling you the fucking truth Gerard. Okay? You need to learn that I am over you. I do not care about you. In fact, if anything, I fucking hate you!"I shouted. People were looking but I couldn't give a damn.

"Frank..."Gerard uttered out softly. I took in a deep breath as I saw Ryan rushing towards us.  
"Gerard just leave me alone,"I pushed past him and walked towards Ryan,"I'm not hungry anymore."  
"You okay?"Ryan asked me as we walked away.  
"Look back. Is he looking?"I asked softly.  
"Yup. He looks like he wants to die."  
"Oh..."


	40. The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

When I arrived back in Washington, I felt like shit. I felt like shit the whole time I drove to Lily's. The whole time I kept going over the look on his face when I had said those terrible words. I fucking hate you. As much as I didn't want him in my life right now, I definitely didnt hate him.

Lily was waiting outside for me with Claire. I parked my car badly and jumped out, collapsing onto Lily to break down.  
"Frank? Frank whats wrong?"She asked, clutching at me helplessly.  
"I'm a terrible person!"I cried.  
"Shh shh Frank. Come on. Lets get a coffee,"She said softly, rubbing my back.

She guided me inside while I tried to stop myself from crying. She sat me down, wiping the tears left on my cheeks as Claire started making us coffee in the kitchen.  
"You wanna tell me what's wrong?"She asked softly, holding me close to her.  
"I'm an alcoholic. A home wrecker. And a terrible person,"I sniveled.  
"Why do you think that?"

"Be-because. I get drunk whenever I can and I always sleep with people I don't know, quite often they're not single. I ruined Castiel's marriage completely and- I searched it up online and found out that Gerard tried to kill himself a couple of months ago and I've gone and broken his heart by telling him I hate him!"I sobbed.

One thing that was standing out clear from the last two nights was the scar's on Gerard's wrists. I had been to drunk to realise what they were but after Ryan had told me Gerard looked like he wanted to die, the clear image of these scars on his wrists had hit me. Once he had gotten on his flight, half an hour before me, I had found an internet cafe and had had a look. It was on the stupid bands website that three shows had been cancelled because of Gerard's attempt.

"Frank when did you see Gerard? Wasn't he in England or whatever?"  
"No he- they were all there I think Patrick lied to me to get me there. I didn't bother asking him. But- I- I got drunk the night of the wedding and I slept with Gerard and the same the next night and I think I might have said something stupid while I was drunk because he looked really upset the morning after when I told him to pretend it never happened and then at- at the airport I- he wanted to talk and I told him I hate him!"I burst into tears again.

"Frank. First of all, You are not a home wrecker. You told me about how Cas came onto you. How many times do you think he's done that before? His marriage is going to end because of his sexuality. Not because you flirted back with the man. You had no idea. So you can stop blaming yourself for that thank you very much,"Lily said firmly.

"But- other people. How many other guys have ended a relationship because I got them drunk with me?"I sniffed.  
"Frank, they made the decision to drink with you. It's their own fault. You can't go blaming yourself for these things. You don't even know if they were in a relationship. As for this whole Gerard thing..."She sighed.

"Lily if he tries to kill himself again I will never forgive myself."  
"Frank do you think maybe the reason you lost control and said you hate him... Is maybe because you feel the exact opposite but you're scared to face those feelings because you don't want to be hurt again?"She asked softly as Claire sat down two cups of shitty filter coffee.

"Thank you Claire,"I leaned forward and took a sip of mine. As shitty as it tasted compared to how good a hazelnut latte from work tastes, it was still coffee and it made me feel marginally better.  
"Do you want a hug?"She asked. I nodded and smiled as she jumped onto the couch and snuggled into me.

"Frank..."Lily nudged me.  
"I dont know, Lily... You're probably right... As usual,"I sniggered, remembering all the petty arguments over stupid things. Lily was always right.  
"Of course I'm right."

"What do I do about it though?"I asked, looking to her for the answer.  
"Well you need to stop drinking and sleeping with guys for starters. That should help with your feeling like a home wrecker."  
"But what about Gerard?"  
"Give it a week. If there's been no news of him trying to kill himself, then you don't need to feel guilty about it. Then you need to focus on whether or not you still have feelings for him."

"I cant tell. I only ever feel things when I'm drunk,"I sniffed.  
"That's stupid. You need to take some time and really think about it. Okay? Now I need you to get the hell off of me because my leg is dead now,"She shoved at me.  
"Sorry,"I smiled and sat up properly.

"How long are you staying for, Frankie?"Claire asked as she walked to her room.  
"Uhh just two nights I think. Why?"  
"Just wondering."  
"Where are you going?"I called.

She didnt answer so I looked over the couch and waited, drinking most of my coffee.  
"Can I play you something?"She returned with her guitar.  
"Of course you can,"I smiled,"Is this one of your songs?"  
"No,"She scoffed,"None of those are done yet. This is a different one. This band Vicky introduced me to. They're pretty cool."

"What's the song called?"I asked, sitting back as she sat in a comfortable postion.  
"My Only One."  
"Never heard of it. What's the band's name?"  
"Uh- I cant remember. I just really liked this song of theirs,"She smiled.  
"Oh. Well go on. Play it out for me."

She started playing a few soft chords, letting herself get sucked into the music like I used to.  
"Paint yourself a picture, something perfectly obscure. To hide away the messes behind your manicure. And all of my obsessing to find the perfect words. Sick of second guessing, I didn't mean to make you hurt. Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt hurt."

"What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it? What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it? Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit? 'Cause all I know, all I know is you are my only one, you are my only one  
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know."

"Break another mirror to keep away the stares of another guilty reflex, a reflection left in tears. And all of my obsessing, tell me what was it worth? Guess I should have learned my lesson, I didn't mean to make you hurt. Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt, hurt."

"What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it? What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it? Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit? 'Cause all I know, all I know is you are my only one, you are my only one. You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know."

"Wake me early, I've been dreaming. Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else. So wake me early, I've been dreaming. Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else."

"What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it? What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it? Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit? 'Cause all I know, all I know is you are my only one, you are my only one. You are my only one, that's all I know, it's all I know. You are my only one, you are my only one. You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know."


	41. The Abandoned Apartment Complex

I was on my way back home, singing along to the song that Claire and played for me. They were actually a pretty good band, All Time Low. The whole time I had stayed with Lily and Claire, I had refused to think about what Lily had told me to. Told her I would in the car. I was almost home and I still hadn't tried to figure out my feelings.

I wasn't looking where I was going properly. Was just driving through town to get home.  
"Jesus christ!"I breaked suddenly when my eyes caught sight of it. A horn blared behind me so I quickly pulled over so they could pass. I couldn't stop myself from getting out of the car to look at it.

Gerard's old apartment building was now abandoned. There was a pathetic looking fence circling round it but I could see three spots where teenagers had managed to get over and play in the creepy building.  
"You ever been in there?"Someone said right in my ear.  
I jumped away and looked to the voice,"Sorry?"

It was a young guy, still in his teens definitely, looking at me with interest,"You ever been in there?"  
"Uh- yes. When it was still occupied."  
"You know why its abandoned?"

"No."  
"A woman died there. There was a gang member that lived here. And this woman pissed her off, threatened the guy or something. So the guy got his whole gang and blew up her son's apartment. Now, they say she haunts the building. Thats why everyone left and the place went bust. Nobody wanted to live in a haunted apartment complex,"He gave me a spooky grin.

I cleared my throat,"Why- why would she haunt the place?"  
"She searches floor 8, looking for her son and looking for the guys who killed her,"He winked at me,"People said they could hear her at night. Calling out for him. Frank! Frank!"  
I stumbled backwards into my car, looking at him like he was wild.

Up until this point I had been a little pissed off that Mum had been turned into a fake ghost story. At the mention of my name though, my heart rate had picked up and I started freaking out inside.  
"Take a look my friend. But you're better to bring someone with you. Don't want to be there alone in the dark,"He grinned,"By the way. Nice tats."  
"Oh... Thank- thank you,"I stammered out, barely noticing him skating away.

I stared up at the building again. Part of me wanted to brush the whole thing off as stupidity. Just a stupid story someone told to get his friends to go inside and piss themselves over nothing. But the fact that they knew my name. I pushed it out of my mind, remembering that I needed to get home.

"Frank what the hell took you so long?! Ugh I've missed you,"Vicky was waiting for me at the door when I got there. She pulled me into a tight hug,"Miranda is really angry."  
"Fuck."  
"Fuck is right you idiot,"Miranda was suddenly in front of me, preventing me from going inside properly.

"I'm sorry?"I shrugged my shoulders.  
"Ugh,"She broke into a smile and pulled me into a hug. We went inside so I could give Marcie and Deandra a hug, telling them about the wedding. At least I wasn't drunk for the ceremony. They were dying to know about the dress and her hair for some dumb reason. They didn't even know Lindsay. Through it all though, I couldn't get the thought of the abandoned apartment building out of my head.


	42. My Only One

2 weeks and 6 days later.

"Frank you are fucking insane,"Vicky whispered.  
"Shut up,"I hissed, looking around to make sure no one was watching us.  
"You seriously believe your mothers ghost is going to be here? Calling for you and her killers?"Vicky pulled me round to look at her.  
"Vicky, I don't know what I believe. But I know that I'm never going to stop thinking about it until I find out for myself. You can wait in the car if you want?"

"Yes. Please. Just remember, if you do actually see any ghosts, throw the salt at them. Kay?"She looked at me seriously.  
"Vicky I hardly think that what you've seen on a tv show is actual lore in real life."  
"Just do as I say,"She sighed, snatching the car keys out of my hands.  
"Alright fine,"I held my hands up in defence and took the bottle of rock salt from her.  
"Be careful."

I nodded and turned back around to stare into the dark foyer of what used to be Gerard's apartment building. I hadn't been able to push the thought out of my mind. Vicky was the only one who hadn't really laughed at me, purely because of that stupid super show that she watched. I had managed to convince her to come with me but now that she was here, she was sceptical.

I turned my flashlight on and stepped through the broken glass. There were cobwebs everywhere and it was dustier than the house had been after I got out of prison. I had no doubts that the power would be out so I made my way to the stairs, not bothered by the creepy silence. I couldn't even hear the traffic outside.

I tugged open the stairwell door and took a deep breath. I always hated going up these stairs. They lasted forever. I looked back over my shoulder, unable to see anything at all, and moved forward. My shoes slapped noisily on each step, echoing upwards only to echo back down to me. The noise comforted me slightly. When I reached floor eight, the fear set in.

I opened the door out into the corridor, trying to remember what number apartment Gerard was in. I looked up and down before heading left. Walking slowly, keeping an eye on the door numbers. The place was covered in graffiti, damn near every door. I passed door sixty nine and couldn't help but giggle at the pictures people had drawn.

I rounded a corner and continued creeping along. When I reached a door that was wide open onto a room that looked like a bomb had hit it, I stopped. The place hadn't been touched at all. It was literally exactly as Gerard and I had left it after that night.  
"Oh jesus,"I grabebd the door frame for support at the sight of Mum's blood stains on the floor.

I closed my eyes and took huge gulping breaths, trying to steady myself. My head snapepd up at a loud noise down the hall.  
"Frank?"Someone called softly. I couldn't breathe. I stood up straight and gripped my salt hard, trying not to let it slip between my sweaty fingers.

"Frank?"It was a womans voice. I looked around and darted into the kitchen of the apartment. It reeked of rot and sadness. I turned my torch off and waited in the darkness, trying not to breathe too heavily.  
"Fraaaank?"She called. I squeezed the torch tight, sliding down the counter to curl up into a ball in the corner.

"Jesus christ... Frank?"She called. I stared at the door to the kitchen. She was here,"Frank where the fuck are you?"  
It was definitely Mum. I took a deep breath, willing myself to get up and go out. It was my Mum after all.

I was about to get up when I saw a light flash around. What the fuck? Ghost's dont have torches. A figure stepped into the doorway and the light shone on my face. I screamed. Like a girl.  
"Jesus christ Frank shut the fuck up would you?!"Vicky laughed.  
"You scared me to fucking death! Why the fuck would you start calling out my fucking name! Oh my god,"I groaned as she pulled me to my feet.

"Sorry. Man that was hilarious. I don't think I've ever heard a guy scream like that,"She said as we walked back out into the ruined lounge. There was nothing that could be salvaged in here.  
"Except for in Yellow Fever,"Vicky muttered.  
"Sorry?"  
"Nothing. So. This is where she-"  
"Yes."

Vicky stayed silent as I picked my way through the debris and into the bedroom. It was completely safe and sound. I shone my torch around. The bed looked grey with all the dust. It didn't smell as bad as outside though. I was about to turn and leave but something stopped me.  
"What's that?"

"I-"I couldnt talk. I stumbled over some clothes on the ground until I reached the canvas,"Oh my god..."  
"What? What is it?"Vicky came and stood next to me as I blew off as much dust as I could.  
"It- its my- my birthday present..."I whispered, staring at the beautiful painting of Gerard and I at Disneyland.

"Who painted this? Its amazing,"Vicky said in awe.  
"My boyfr- my ex boyfriend. Gerard,"I stuttered. I stared at it and stared at it.  
"Frank are you okay?"She placed her hand on my shoulder.  
"I- yeah I just- I've made a mistake... A- a fucking huge mistake."  
"What are you talking about?"Vicky asked.  
"My only one,"I found myself singing quietly.

"What are you- are you singing? What the hell is going on Frank? What are you doing?"Vicky asked as I picked up the painting carefully.  
"I'm taking it home,"I said simply, looking around the room for anything else.  
"But- are- are you allowed?"  
"Vicky. This was finished the night my mum died. My boy- fuck. My exboyfriend, Gerard, painted it for me for my birthday."

"Right but- I dont even know. Alright. You got your closure?"  
"I- yeah I guess..."I went back out into the lounge and shone the torch down onto the spot where Mum had died. The window looking down into the courtyard was open, letting in a strong gust of wind. It blew back my hair and ruffled my clothes as I stared down at the spot.  
"I love you Mum. Bye,"I whispered and followed Vicky out.


	43. Still Into You

Gerard's POV

"Tell me how it goes okay?"Mikey looked at me seriously. I nodded and gave him a weak smile. I felt like I was going to fall over, throw up or start crying. Or a combination of the three. I forced myself to get out of the car before I lost my nerve. Mikey waited til I was on the sidewalk before saying,"It's gonna be fine okay?"

"Yeah... Thanks,"I croaked, my throat burning from how dry it was. Mikey smiled before driving the car away. I turned around and looked across the road at the place. A small smile made its way to my face at the sight of it. Frank had done this all himself. This was his coffee shop. I couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride in him, despite the fact that he had told me he hated me the last time I had seen him, three weeks ago.

I checked for cars quickly before walking across the road. Through the door I could see him focused intently on making coffees. I felt a burst of relief at the sight of the counter. There was two coffee machines, one at each end. The one closer to the door had a sign above saying 'take away drinks here'. Frank was at the other end. He was ridiculously busy. Busier than I had ever seen him when he was working at Starbucks. I slipped through the door and managed to get to the stairs without him seeing me. I grabbed a table at the back and sat with my back to the stairs. There was no one else up the top for some reason. Downstairs it was almost packed though.

Two minutes later someone came up to take my order.  
"Hi there, welcome to Frank's Coffee House. What can I get for you today?"She smiled widely. She had white blonde hair in two long plaits with the ends dyed bright purple.  
"Uh- a double shot espresso. Is- Is that- the owner, Frank, is he working today?"I asked awkwardly.

"Yup. He's making the have here coffees today. But I think he's about to take a break. Did you want me to grab him for you?"She gave me a bright smile.  
"No! Uh- sorry. No. Just- thats cool. Thank you,"I managed to bring up a smile.  
"Great, I'll be back in a few minutes with your coffee,"She smiled and spun around, her plaits flying around, and went back downstairs.

After five minutes more the girl with plaits came back holding my coffee. As soon as she sat it down I grabbed it and drank it all.  
"Wow, you must have been going through withdrawals,"She chuckled.  
"You have no idea,"I smiled, enjoying the bitter taste of a coffee made by Frank.

"Can I get you anything else?"  
"Yeah can you get Frank to make me a small flat white, extra hot, soy milk, decaf, half strength with half a shot of vanilla? And a regular butterscotch mocha,"I smiled.  
"Uhhhh suure,"She stuttered slowly, writing down the ridiculous coffee.  
"Oh and can you make sure Frank delivers it to me?"

"Uh- I don't think that's possible. He's the only one actually on coffee right now."  
"Is there anyone else that could take over once he's made it? It's really important that he brings it to me,"I begged her, on the brink of dropping down onto my knees.  
"I- I guess Miranda could take over. I'll see what I can do,"She smiled, covering the frustration in her eyes.

"Thank you so much,"I smiled gratefully. She turned to go but I stopped her,"Could- don't mention me? If he asks who just say its some woman with her husband and little kid?"  
"I- should I be worried?"She asked carefully, taking a small step away.  
"No please- we used to be- friends and this was a little joke I did. Gave him the most difficult coffee to make."

"Ohhh, right. Okay I'll do my best,"She suddenly grinned at me.  
"Thank you, you're awesome!"I grinned back. She left me grinning for a minute before the nerves set in again. What if he was with someone and said no? What if he wasnt with someone and still said no? What if he got really mad and kicked me out? Millions of different thoughts like those were running through my head.

I had thought the espresso would have helped calm me slightly but it hadn't really done anything at all. My head perked up as I heard Frank complain loudly.  
"Are you fucking kidding me? That is ridiculous. What the fuck is the point of even getting a coffee?"  
"Frank she'll hear you,"My waitress replied as the sound of steaming milk reached my ears.  
"I don't give a fuck I hope she hears."

I supressed a laugh and started tapping my fingers to the sound of Blink-182 in the background. Another two minutes passed by before I heard Frank again.  
"Why the hell does she want me to bring it up to her?"  
"I- I'm not sure."  
"Well fuck her, you bring it up. I've got coffees to make."

"Uh- she she said it had to be you. Look, she's a pretty nice woman. She seemed really apologetic that she had to order it. I can run and grab Miranda to cover while you take it up?"  
"Alright fine. They're gonna sit here and get cold while you get her though,"Frank said airily. The sound really travelled up here.

Another minute passed by before who must have been Miranda started talking,"Oh shit. Frank go take the coffee. Lisa can you make meeeee five shots?"  
"I fucking hate people,"Frank grumbled. I grabbed my spoon from my espresso plate and looked at my weird reflection. I couldnt actually see anything so I just smoothed down my hair and made sure my fringe wasn't flicking out anywhere.

Frank's POV

As much as I wanted to stomp up the stairs to signify how pissed off I was that someone would even want to drink something like this, I couldn't because then I'd spill the coffee. I kept my eyes darting between the mocha and the cup of shit as I slowly made my way up the stairs. When I reached the top, the only customers I could see was a guy with shockingly black hair sitting with his back to me.

I took two steps forward as he turned in his seat and looked at me. I couldn't breathe, my heart beat had picked up his pace, there were butterflies in my stomach, my mouth had gone dry and my hands were clutching at air. A burning on my feet made me look down to see the coffees spreading everywhere, the cups and plates broken into tiny pieces. The coffee was soaking through my shitty work shoes and was burning me and yet I still couldn't move.

Gerard was already at my feet, picking up the pieces of crockery. I opened my mouth and tried to say something but Gerard's arms were suddenly wrapping around me, untying my apron. My first thought was 'oh god yes suck my dick' before I realised he was using it to mop up the mess.

Gerard balled up my apron and left it sitting on the floor. He stood up, about a metre away from me, and tried a smile that looked more like a grimace.  
"I hope you know you're paying for that cup of shit,"I croaked out. Gerard laughed, a dry cackle.

"What are you doing here?"I asked quietly, making myself move. I shook my feet, throwing little droplets of coffee everywhere.  
"I uh- I l-love you still?"Gerard's face seemed to break,"When I saw you at that fucking fair I felt so ridiculously happy even though you were with that guy and then you brought him to the wedding and I just wanted to shoot myself. Then I saw him making out with someone else so I thought I- well the alcohol decided I should try and talk to you and it turns out you were drunk as well and then- Frank I lied. I do remember it. I remember it all. I remember the way you looked at me. The way you kissed me. And on the second night I also remember what we talked about. You telling me you missed me. And that you still loved me."

I closed my eyes as it all came back to me. How could I have forgotten that?  
"Frank, the morning after, when we were at the airport, and I asked you if we could catch up or something. The morning you told me you hate me, that was when I knew,"I opened my eyes to see Gerard took a step closer to me.  
"Knew what?"I uttered out softly, ignoring the urge to pull him even closer.

"I knew that I would never stop loving you..."Gerard sighed, sounding like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.  
"Gerard... When- when you guys- you didn't- no one even contacted me... Nothing,"I tried blinking away the sudden tears but only succeeded in making them leak out and trail down my cheeks,"I was in the worst possible state and you didnt even do anything about it."

"Frank you know I-"  
"And yet... After all this time,"I swiped the tears away,"After all this time I'm still in love with you. I mean, I should be over all the fucking butterflies. But I'm not. For the past four years I have been trying to ignore the feelings that just wouldn't budge. Trying to tell myself that you and I was just something that wasn't right. But then I accidentily heard The World Is Ugly on that fucking boat ride. First time I ever actually listened to it. That was when it became more difficult. Especially after what happened at the wedding. And after seeing you today... Making me make a coffee that fucking sucks like you used to,"I smiled without meaning to,"You- you know how some things make sense? Like peanut butter and jelly? Well one of those things is you and I..."

"Mikey hid my phone,"Gerard blurted out suddenly.  
"Uh- what?"  
"The day you got out of prison, I wanted to contact you, I really did, but Mikey hid my phone three days before hand and he deleted the missed call from you. He told me on the plane after the wedding. I almost strangled him. But- yeah. When I finally got my phone back two days after you got out, I thought I had no calls from you or anything so I left you alone..."

Shock and anger ran through me,"I hope he knows that these past four years could have been so much fucking better if he had just let you call me or something."  
"Oh yeah he knows alright,"Gerard smiled and took one more step closer, bringing us an inch apart.  
"Good..."

As we stared at each other, an overwhelming urge to touch him ran through me. I desperately wanted to run my fingers through his hair, push my lips against his.  
"This is going to be the first time I've kissed someone sober in about 8 years,"I found myself saying.  
A look of shock flashed across Gerard's face,"What makes you think we're going to kiss?"  
"Shut up,"I smiled and grabbed his shoulders to reel him in for a kiss.

In an instant his hands were wrapping around my waist, squeezing me tight as we kissed. After what felt like a million light years, we broke apart. Both of us breathing hard. He rested his forehead against mine, smiling widely at me as he stared into my eyes.  
"You maybe wanna try again?"He asked quietly.  
"Yeah I think I wanna try."


	44. Epilogue

One year later.

"Did you lock the car?"  
"Uhhh no..."  
"Frank,"Gerard sighed and sat his food down before getting up carefully.  
"Gerard?"I called.  
"What?"  
"You need the keys."

"Fuck,"He muttered and trudged back over to the edge of the cliff to grab the keys from me.  
"Dork,"I giggled and took a bite of my salad. It was our anniversary. We had argued a lot over the past year, trying to decide when our anniversary should be. We had both settled on celebrating whatever the fuck we wanted. Which meant that every time one of us remembered when something had happened between us like the first time we had said 'I love you' to each other then we would be going out for dinner or to the movies.

"Right,"Gerard sat back down next to me, wrapping the blanket I had forgotten to grab out of the car around us,"To... uh... What are we celebrating?"  
"Me realising how stupid I was and taking you back,"I smiled.  
"Right. To you no longer being stupid,"Gerard winked at me and raised his cardboard cup of coke. Neither of us had wanted to go to an actual restaurant so we had settled for fastfood up on Suicide Point.

"To us,"I smiled at him and lightly knocked my drink against his. I went to take a sip but Gerard's lips beat the straw.  
"I love you,"He mumbled against my lips.  
"I love you too,"I smiled into the kiss.

"Let's not get carried away or we'll fall off,"Gerard giggled and ended the kiss.  
"Yeah you might. I have perfect balance though,"I said as I took a bite of my disgusting salad.  
"Oh really? So if I were to nudge you you'd stay perfectly straight and you wouldn't fall off.  
"Damn straight. But, are you willing to risk it?"  
"Fuck no,"Gerard giggled.

"We can test each other's balance back home if you want?"  
"Yeah and I'll prove to you that I have better balance."  
"Mmm hmmm. Keep talking,"I sighed happily and looked down at my engagement ring, glittering even in the faint light. As I stared I was reminded of the first proper date Gerard and I had been on. We'd cooked dinner together for the first time, with lots of bickering and even a food fight at one point, then we'd come up here to eat. Arguing about where to sit, whether we needed a blanket or not. It was horrible up until we actually sat down and were just together, keeping each other warm and feeding each other like a newly wed couple. He'd taken me here to propose as well. Reenacted the date but ending it with a proposal that shocked me to the bone. I had never been happier.

"What are you thinking about?"Gerard asked quietly.  
"Our first night here and you asking me to marry you,"I sighed and rested my head on his shouler.  
"Same,"He kissed the top of my head and rested his head on mine as we ate silently.

It had taken a while for us to clear the air between us. Get used to being back around each other. The only immediate effect Gerard's presence had was I had stopped drinking straight away. It had been easy. Gerard was the only one who kept me sane. He was my everything. My only one.

The end motherfuckers.


End file.
